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HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF CATHERINE THE WHITE! WHAT ABOUT MEGAN THE SLAG

Aye, good effort Fish. Pity no one is going to bother reading it.

Should get a different Saudi company to sponsor each one of his dog leashes. £10 million each per annum.

I did nothing of the sort, you filthy liar. What I said was that we made massive losses in 22/23 and those will drop out of the calculation. I understand you take everything I say as gospel but that only works if you have the comprehension skills to understand the gifts I'm giving you. Did you get your ACA at the bottom of a box of Rice Krispies?

Anam. It's what CT calls all black lads.

You can't be playing a Libero with a sweeper keeper. Fucking idiot.

Why does this gif last an hour?

Tam, Sam and Becks Sounds like a bar order in Coldstream.

Turns out it isn't all depressing news in The Telegraph.

You still on about Harvey Price?

Typo for authenticity

Just watching Matchcam. The size of the mascots, christ. It used to take people til at least their teens to get that fat. Fucking criminal.

Get "Anam" on a mug. Imagine all the black lads who'll snap that up.

Doesn't he also like it up the arse? Not that there's anything wrong with that. No wonder his grandmother died. And his grandfather. Dirty, bald bastard.

Probably got a quick pegging in the bogs

I am 100% certain he phones these in, he seems to have the IQ of Forest Gump but without the endearing charm.

You have no fucking idea. We didn't have pornography at the click of the button. We had to use our imagination. Or hunt around in bushes for the shredded remains of a porno mag which were inexplicably everywhere.

Scene. Gemmill’s living room, he plonks a bucket of sauerkraut and 6 sourdough flatbreads down and throws the Mrs. her matching Mr. Blobby onesie, (he’s already kitted up). “ Settle in pet, I’ve got seasons 1-10 of Neighbours lined up for us. You’ll never guess what Daphne looks like now …” Mrs. G, putting her coat on as she heads for the door … “ Sorry love, my Dad’s coming round for a shite or two, I’m off to the pub!” Gemmill- “ Oh…Throw my tiger feet slippers over, would you?”

Denis Law. 84. Classic bingo call death.

I was going for the gif where one little girl slaps another but I think we can all agree this is better.

Aaaall the Anams!

Arise Sir PaddockLad, defender of the realm.

I

That’s what I call her

Just in case anyone wants a soundtrack to that post.

Fat shaming young teenagers on the internet? 👌🏻

PL has gone full Vicky Pollard on here this past week. Constantly pulling in colourful characters from his life to back his points up. Tindall's mother's hairdresser one day, his posh housemate Rebecca from the 90s the next. "And then she turned around and said yeah but no but how are they getting her through the palace gates to let him into her palace gates so to speak or sumfin or nuffin."

The brunette lass was like catnip to me

"Here at CT Mugs, warehouse and emporium we make mugs for all occasions. Dead relative? See our range of mugs with crying emojis, RIP gravestones and other hilarious...things....Got an anniversary coming up? Why not treat her to this beautiful, 'I have two mugs - this one, and the one I married' mug. Releasing soon, for our most talented of black lad customers comes this chalice - we don't use the term 'pimp cup' here, because we're definitely not racist despite what that one etsy review said about me."

CT just after he's posted this.... 🎶 Op, Op, op, op, op...... Anam style. 🎵

I hope he hated every minute of that forced interaction.

I only recently realised how mirror-breakingly ugly Troy was. He looks like Harvey Price on two cowies.

sammy levels of Isak analysis on display there safety wink

Don't mention 74 ffs. Me and my mate spent the late evening on his house phone ringing up and abusing every Keegan in the phone book, we obviously got a few of the cunts up out of bed given the length of time it took them to answer, which was nice. As an added bonus this jolly jape did lead us to discover the best name in the history of telephone directories - Cmdr (ret'd) W. E. Kit-Kat. (Once seen never forgotten) - we were tempted but didn't call him as we were focused on Keegans (Highways were rare but we got a few).

Cliff Michelmore in his Trans phase

@PaddockLad explaining the connection to anyone doubting his inside knowledge.

Take a bow. Mega career.

So duff info off the daughter but no one to blame for the spelling (though that shouldn’t come as a shock). And thanks @Dazzler for some great ideas

Amad Diallo you mean ?? Man U paid €37 million for him, he wasn't a local gem they just picked up. He was on loan AT the mackems from Man U.

He definitely got pulled out of his mother by the face from Popeye after a tin of taste the difference spinach.

Still let king charlie's only real son slap him about despite being physically capable of yarking his jaw clean off. He got chinned by a helicopter pilot with a horse shoe haircut. No coming back from that IMO. He had to move abroad rather than face the inquest from the lads in his local.

He's the closest to normal, he's just a soft cunt who gets bullied by his missus. Wonder if she shits on his head too like that fella in that one documentary.

Of the current crop, I'd let him go last or second last in front of the firing squad.

Awful to hear that Strawb mate, you and your loved ones have my sincere condolences. You might be surprised with your Mam- when we lost my little brother* we were very worried about her, as she was nearly 70 at the time and living alone. After the initial grieving and loss, she coped way better than any of us thought she would. People can be remarkably resilient, and hopefully your Mam will be too - look at yourself, you’ve dealt with a ridiculous amount of loss recently and you’re solid. Once again, my sympathy mate, and as Rayvin said, make time to let yourself grieve and process it all. * it’s his birthday today, and I heard his killer is up for release imminently- it’s been a shite day, but nothing compared to your day.