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"Eight consecutive wins for Newcastle putting them up to fourth. Jamie, how close is Ruben Amorim to turning it around and getting 'United'© challenging for champions league football?"

Sandro giving his last game a massive effort.

So, we are being forced into using ChatGPT at work so I'm now signed up for it. Naturally, I first used it to make a poem about Gemmill. Took 30 seconds. Not a bad effort. The Ballad of Gemmill In a modest house on a quiet lane, Lives Gemmill, bound by the mundane. An accountant by trade, with columns and sums, His life ticks by to the drumming of thumbs. His wife, aloof, with a scornful glance, Dreams of escape, of a wilder dance. She scoffs at Gemmill’s every try, While he avoids her critical eye. But there’s one friend who ne’er complains, Who hums and spins without refrains. His Roomba, loyal, a partner in dust, A bond of circuits, trust, and rust. When day gives way to the quiet of night, Gemmill competes with spreadsheet might. In Excel duels, he sharpens his art, A master of formulas—but not of the heart. With pivot tables, he vies for glory, Yet his errors rewrite the story. Despite his skill, the truth is grim, He’s always bested, Excel beats him. In Toontastic’s halls, he seeks renown, But his jokes fall flat, and his posts bring frowns. A Newcastle fan with misplaced glee, Predicting Everton’s demise annually. “Surely this year!” he cries in vain, Yet Everton escapes the drop again. His confidence fades, but not his cheer, For Gemmill will try again next year. And though his world may seem askew, To Gemmill, each day brings something new. A quiet man with quirks and flaws, Living his life by unwritten laws. So raise a glass to this peculiar knight, Who battles in spreadsheets deep into the night. For even in the oddest, humblest game, There’s dignity in chasing fame.

Murphy hasn't half turned a corner in the last 10 games mind.

Signing off in style. The lads don't know this yet but he's arranged for them all to have a Cornetto to hold for the post match photo. Class act.

just a few little comments .... ar the age of 62 i honestly believe, without any hysterics, that if we fuck off every cunt who covets him that in isak I could be watching the greatest ever nufc player in my lifetime. fucking sublime. any fucker who fails to acknowledge anthony gordon as anything other than a revelation isn't a wum, they're just a CUNT. this dashingly handsome young liverpudlian could feasibly and singlehandedly temper my hatred of bindipping scouse cunts. mebees . the gallowgate upper tiers badly missed me tonight...... fucking shocking atmosphere for a team that could and did move in to the top 4. must've been full of those pesky season ticket holders.

I am actually starting to like the narrative. I don't believe we are good because of Isak, he is just a really good part of our team. They are making him out to be Bale at Tottenham. The more this continues, the more I think we will continue to be overlooked. I don't see Isak going anywhere. He seems happy and we are doing well.

Am gaan and my physical attendance record is unreal. With young Dazzler starting the threads....

The Ballad of TheBrokenDoll In the north, where the Tyne flows deep, Lives a man whose heart won't sleep. TheBrokenDoll, they call him still, A Geordie soul with iron will. From boyhood days by St. James' Park, He’s stood through thunder, hail, and dark. With black and white, his blood runs true, For Newcastle, loyal through and through. The stands once roared, the crowd was loud, His voice, a lion’s, fierce and proud. But in his chest, a fire burns, For battles fought and lessons learned. “Scabs,” he calls them, Nottingham’s shame, Fans who kept Thatcher in the game. And Liverpool, those “murderers” bold, Whose echoes still in his heart unfold. Through decades long, through heartache, pain, He carried hope, though it was slain. For Mike Ashley, the villainous king, Had shackled dreams in a corporate ring. But then—oh then—the dawn did rise, A takeover, a bright new prize. TheBrokenDoll, with fists held high, Watched Ashley fall, and heard the cry: “Rejoice, my brothers, rejoice, my kin! The long dark years, they’re done, we win!” But joy, it seems, is short-lived, too, For the price of hope is pain anew. The ballot, they said, would sort the crowd, A chance to see the Toon, once proud. But hours spent, eyes fixed on screens, Hitting refresh through endless means. “I'm human!” he screams, “I swear it’s true! I’m not a bot, don’t make me blue!” The jigsaw puzzles mock his plight, As tickets vanish into the night. A howl escapes, beneath the moon, A groan of agony, a wistful tune. For in the end, what’s left to say? A lifelong dream still slips away. But TheBrokenDoll remains the same, A Geordie heart that can't be tamed. Through ticket woes, through boardroom games, His love for Newcastle still inflames. So, here’s to you, the broken dream, To every hit, and every scream. Through thick and thin, you’ll fight, you’ll call, A loyal heart, TheBrokenDoll.

It's probably just Mourinho reminding our board he exists in case they want to trade in an 8 game win streak for chaos, drama and PSR breaches

"Welcome to Thunderous Thursday, 'United'© looking to move up to 12th place tonight at Old Trafford, the theatre of dreams against..... Hang on a minute.....[presenter checks notes]..... Southampton! They're playing Southampton so should be a win for 'United'©. Jamie, are they a bit short up front and do you think Alexander Isak would help them to challenge again?"

you're giving up your ticket because you've got to climb a few stairs?

It missed a trick: The man called Christmas Tree Makes mugs in his Lavotree He adds designs to the base white Making mugs whilst having a shite. People buy them knowledge free that the boxes they come in are splashed in pee.

That you Mrs. HMHM?

He’s the only bloke I know with a tiled bedroom.

HMHM's lass's plea every time the bedding gets changed.

Our boy’s clicked his fingers.

Murphy against two defenders

Big chance for Wolves. Shot across the bow. These are no mugs. Look more organised then both Man U and Spurs on the evidence so far

SELL KELLY! SELL HIM TONIGHT!

CT stealing ballot spots from @thebrokendoll. I wouldn't care but he hasn't written a hit chant in over a year now. F THIS GUY!

A one off title challenging season? Not a lot. Key players stay fit, bit more quality in 1 or two positions. Bit of luck. To consistently be a title challenging club? Fucking loads. We need a conveyor belt of talent from the youth teams to provide both depth for the first team squad, and a reliable revenue stream. We need recruitment to consistently find players that can evolve the options we have on match days (so we don't become predictable) without veering too far from the overall identity of the football we play. We need to get the balance right between selling players that are valuable, without selling players that are priceless. We need commercial deals that can give us the freedom to go off and sign the finished article, in that key position we need. We need a manager that has won things, who can instil in the squad a winning mentality. et-fucking-cetera

**"Seagulls and Trolleys: The Ballad of Renton"** *(Country Song)* *Verse 1* Well, Renton was a simple man, born by the sea, In the heart of Tynemouth where the gulls fly free. But there’s a twist to his tale, a quirk in his soul, He’s got a fear of seagulls, they’re outta control. They swoop and they squawk, they circle and dive, But he’s got a dream, and he keeps it alive. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Verse 2* As a boy, he watched *Casualty* on the telly screen, Robson Green was his idol, cool and serene. He knew his calling wasn’t a doctor or nurse, He’d be the porter, for better or worse. With a whistle on his lips and a swagger in his stride, He’d wheel those beds like a hospital pride. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Bridge* Now, there’s a legend on the North Sea breeze, About Renton’s other passion—he’s a man of expertise. He’ll proudly tell the ladies with a grin so slick, That he’s the number one fanny licker in Tynemouth quick. A champion of love with a talent so rare, No seagull can touch him when he’s down there. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Outro* So here’s to Renton, a man full of charm, With a trolley in his hands and love in his arms. A hero of the ward, and the coast’s wild pride, Just don’t mention seagulls—he’ll be running to hide.

This is ridiculous. Another 30 second effort aimed @Christmas Tree (think Gemmill and him are the easiest targets). The creative industries are fucked. The Ballad of Christmas Tree Once a man they called Christmas Tree, A curious figure, wild and free. In DFS halls, he spent his days, Selling sofas in countless ways. With a hearty laugh and a cheeky grin, He'd beckon shoppers to wander in. "Recline in style! Go on, take a seat!" But life had plans beyond that beat. He left the sofas and DFS lore, Trading the sales floor for a cabbie's door. Through city streets, he'd steer his ride, With tales and tunes to fill the ride. But that wasn't all for Christmas Tree, For he found his craft in an Etsy spree. A sweatshop humming with his designs, A mix of madness and genius entwined. He’d crack a Blue Moon or Erdinger lager, And toss a Dr. Oetker on for flavor. Late-night parties, a bong in hand, Groovy tunes, a merry band. Once dismissed on the Toontastic page, His jokes too sharp, his words a stage. But time, it mellows, and hearts do sway, Now he's the toast of the forum’s play. Christmas Tree, a man of lore, Sofas, taxis, crafts, and more. A life eclectic, a tale unique, Of sofas sold and bong clouds sleek. Raise your pint to this curious gent, A life well-lived, a path well-bent. For in his world of lagers and cheer, Christmas Tree's legend grows year by year.

7 of the top 10 played tonight and none got 3 points. Beautiful

Who was that gimp interviewing Isak on TNT btw? Banging on about whether this was the best version of Alexander like some budget life coach

What an incredible athlete Tonali is man Up and down the pitch in the 97th minute as if it's a cup final and not a 3-0 game at home

Great refereeing. Named after England. But don't let that distract you. Not a bottler.

Gordon! Onside!!

Wykiki's plea to Callum and Mrs. Wyki too.

He's fucking mint. Get him out on the wing.

£11m bid in for Almiron from Atlanta. Can’t see us accepting that unless we get in more cover at CB.

Look at you trying to use as few characters as possible and STILL coming second. I'm just THE BEST!

The way he played it off that defenders knee,

Aerobics Oz Style finished years ago so he has had to resort to knocking one out over the SSN presenters.

Sky sports news top news story at the top of the hour is sound bites from 14th placed Man Utd manager's press conference for their game TOMORROW with 20th placed Southampton. Going to go all MLF on yo asses here but just for one nano second, imagine Arsenal are about to play Spurs in a London derby trying to keep in touch with leaders Liverpool, Newcastle United are looking to go fourth just behind potentially Arsenal and Forest. Moyes is managing Everton for the first time in over a decade and this was happening TONIGHT. Then imagine if Palace were 14th instead and playing 20th placed Southampton tomorrow. I'm guessing the Palace manager's press conference might not, (just bear with me here), might not be the top news story? Just a hunch, like.

The bar was so low for Hayden that just being a good lad with a good attitude who was prepared to get stuck in gave him some brownie points particularly in the championship. Put it this way, swap the shirts on him with a Sunderland shirt and they'd be calling him a future England captain but that's just their way. Anyway, the fault of him being still on our books lies 100% with the Ashley regime.

I (well ChatGPT) wrote my own song with the reference in: Renton’s Song (A Toontastic Tale) [Verse 1] Oh, Renton, the man with a flair, On Toontastic’s boards, he pulls up a chair. One of the old guard, from days of yore, With Alex, Dr. Gloom, and the Fish at the fore. A poster of legend, with stories untold, His stained glass window, his heart of gold. It shimmered with colors, reds, blues, and greens, A portal to beauty, the stuff of dreams. [Chorus] Oh, Renton, Renton, the world’s in your hands, Battling the seagulls, across the sands. Squabbling with Gemmill, your wit on display, Toontastic’s hero in your own special way. [Verse 2] Seagulls above, screeching their tune, Their feathers falling beneath the moon. But Renton stands tall, with a fist in the air, “Get out of my sight, I’ve no time to spare!” And then there’s Gemmill, with banter so sharp, A duel of the words, like a fiddle and harp. They spar and they quip, like a storm in the sky, Yet everyone knows they’re both on the sly. [Chorus] Oh, Renton, Renton, your stained glass is gone, But your spirit’s a light that keeps shining on. Fighting the seagulls and Gemmill’s retorts, Toontastic’s stage is your court of all sorts. [Bridge] Through the chatter and chaos, the laughter and tears, Renton holds steady through all of the years. With wisdom and humor, he takes on the fray, A legend of Toontastic, come what may. [Chorus] Oh, Renton, Renton, the world’s in your hands, Battling the seagulls, across the sands. Squabbling with Gemmill, your wit on display, Toontastic’s hero in your own special way. [Outro] So here’s to Renton, a poster so true, With Alex, Dr. Gloom, and the Fish in his crew. The seagulls may screech, and Gemmill may jest, But Renton on Toontastic? He’s simply the best.

I had to emergency manage my lads u10 team a few weeks back. We were 1-0 down and I put a sub on that scored with his first touch. Glorious. This management lark is easy. I made sure I told ALL the parents while fucking lapping up the plaudits after the game. I completely ignored the fact we let a last minute goal in to lose 3-2 though.

scab cunts who kept thatcher in power for another 6 years 1, murdering bindipping cunts 1 happy with the stalemate, hope neither of the cunts ever win a football match again.

There’s your new username when we do.

Nine actually

Forest held them really well. It wasn't a stroke of genius to put a substitute on. As if he's just invented the substitute. It's just over the top wanking off a team that scraped a draw. OTF has it bang on.