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My proofreader's eye is twitching... 😬

And I have made Ana De Armas my top target for a steamy bout of top shagging.

Part of my masters in health and safety was looking at farmers, it’s the most hazardous industry in the country. That’s statistically true. Now think of all the things you have seen at work, I’m talking to the rope swingers etc here. The reason farming is the most dangerous industry in the uk is that they think they know better and do stupid shit. They thought they knew better regarding brexit, they thought they know better regarding H&S legislation, well now they might know better than the uk government but I wouldn’t bet on it.

There’s nothing to dislike about Gordon really. He seems humble, intelligent for a footballer, articulate, generous with his time - and that’s just off the field. On the field he’s been among our best players for almost 18 months, chipping in with regular goal contributions, works tirelessly, particularly off the ball, as Howe demands, fast as fuck and deservedly an England international. I wouldn’t sell him for less than £100m

Except that's not what happened, there were no cameras filming him receiving a phone call. I don't mind your pantomime act over ASM but give the lad some credit for what he does off the field. Thread:

Probably the same colour, complexion and expression as Elvis had just before he bit the dust trying to curl one out on the Graceland throne.

That's what I love about you Renton, you dream big.

Andrew taking the sensible precaution of obscuring the reg plate to keep Toontastic's antipodean crazies away.

Fucking chook

The fucking state of Edward Leigh's face. He doesn't look like it would take much assistance.

Going off the white walls on the houses, with grey roofs, it’s No. 12, Rohan Drive. The Citadel Minas Tirith.

You are a bunch of barely contained freaks tbf.

The next person on the forum to say “chook” gets a wedgie.

I know they spend bucket loads but I reckon there's at least 2 recent titles they don't win if it's not for him, like.

The song that got away for Bob Marley and the wailers.

Isak is prime age now to decide if he wants to go for titles every season or happy to play for a team trying to get there. Plus he’d get a bumper pay deal in the transfer fee cut. No matter how much we’ve come on in recent years we might not be able to stand in his way. PSR has fucked our momentum where I think these players were thinking we were on the superhighway to success when they first joined.

Watched the substance, thought it was really good until the end, seems they went "Shit we're at two and a half hours how do we get out of this" and then someone remembered the Salad Days sketch from Monty Python. Also CT, they aren't Demi's nipples, it's a tit double, which would have made for an interesting audition, "wow ugly nipples but not ugly enough, sorry, NEXT"

That's exactly what I thought of too. 🎵 "Cause, 'cause, 'cause I remember when we used to sit In the Fleet street bar in London Oba, observing the hypocrites, yeah Mingle with the good gammons we meet, yeah Good gammons we have, oh, good gammons we've lost Along the way, yeah In this dystopian future, you can't forget your imperial past So dry your tears, I say, yeah No farmers no food No farmers no food My little gammon, don't shed no tears No farmer no food." 🎶

My mrs gets her nails done by some Polish woman. She has been here a while (kids were born here etc) but she is moving back to Poland soon as “money doesn’t go far anymore” and “everyone is rude and miserable these days”. You can’t really argue with that.

Ooooohhhhhhh......... Choose life.

"it's normal to have great coaches admire your football" I certainly found that back when I used to play.

What next time?

Please don't make any predictions.

CT and ewerk frantically looking at New Zealand Google maps trying to work out where you live.

Fowl.

They'll need another shareholder loan.

"Only" £35m, what have we become 🤷‍♂️

That’s my understanding. Probably just covering mad dog‘s expenses for tanning.

Clarkson isn't fit to farm the fat cunt.

It starts like this and ends with you bonding with your mother over how Starmer is letting all the illegals in and is coming to take your farm while watching GB News.

The difference being we don't have Shearer banging on about Mbeumo to us like they do with Merson with Isak.

Aye, realistically the current crop of stars is almost certainly going to have to go elsewhere for regular trophies. Maybe we can tell the next lot we'll be competing for the league in 5 years time.

Looks like it could be a house in Erinsbrough with Mrs Mangel about to go up the drive to complain to Andrew about something.

Rego and wof for the first year sorted by the dealer. 😜

Disclaimer is our most recent Apple TV+ watch (we've got it free with a bank account too, yes ). Worth your time, I'd say. Starts strongly, briefly risks going off the rails, but broadly sticks the landing (though I'm reading now that apparently lots of people hated it). Probably doesn't need to be quite as many episodes as it is, but that's true for basically everything these days Am I selling it well?

Went to my kids parent teacher night tonight. My vote is for teachers.

By the way, just how good are Bowie and Jagger singing and dancing in this video with the background music not on?

was at the london stadium for the 1-5 , watching isak stood next to fabianski nonchalantly watching as the ball floated in to the back of the net was fucking tremendous, possibly a highlight of the season. more of the same please.

Aye I remember that. Think it was the nurse put it online saying something like "NUFC fans, you've got a good one here." To be doing things like that in your early 20s when nobody's watching, and with all the distractions that come with his life, is pretty exceptional.