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Half of them are Gemmill being wrong about Everton.

I got an "aaaah you dressed as an old man for Halloween" off one kid when I went to the door - I went from offended, to pissing myself laughing, back to offended in record time

The lad got a decent haul, but was disappointed because loads of the houses had just left a bowl outside with sweets in it so he "didn't get to scare anyone". He did compliment one lady on her costume though. That costume being "just a normal old lady in a t-shirt and jeans"

I bet your porn hub history is just a series of married couples doing missionary under the covers through the little hole in their stripey pyjamas.

Will it matter? Because....

On RTG re the latest NUFC game?

If you want cheering up, I’d highly recommend switching Miranda off.

I'm informed nobody came to our door, they never do, there's no bairns in the street*. I still get some fredos just in case the odd one turns up which we'll just have to eat instead. *The Jimmy Savile/Gary Glitter/Fred West posters I put on the door probably helps as well.

Furries are people who like to dress up in mascot type costumes and shag other people in mascot type costumes. Ear flicked on the metro, and now chinned by teenage lasses.

They sound like fucking good lads to me.

I hope if we do win it's another controversial goal that'll make them cry for another season.

This is from this year's Peterborough Pride parade, if it helps for context

If it makes you feel any better you'd have lost the house in the divorce anyway.

i watched the first episode last night then went to bed. The mrs carried on and 5 mins later I get a text: “oh my god, she has just shit on his head”.

Oh HMHM, this can't do attitude won't do. FFS, you have access to Gloom who knows all the funny handshakes in this game.

That’s Gemmill’s Christmas present sorted then.

Winter would have been saying the same when Ten Hag turned up to. Bloke was a bona fide genius when they signed him, and turned out to be a very limited manager.

Miranda Hart doesn’t have a media / acting career if she’s not posh imo.

Is Henry Winter on the Man Utd payroll now? His sycophantic tweets about Ineos have been awful in recent days

Dad of the year

CT thinking about the chances of getting something right once.

My 13 year old has got six of his mates stopping over. Starting to regret my life choices

Phwoar.

Apparently Trump wore a binman’s uniform to deliver his rally speech in Wisconsin… (fuck knows is the answer to the obvious question). The fucking state of him man… He makes a Hi Viz vest look like a muted pastel colour.

Hey, what happened backstage at Top of the Pops stays backstage at Top of the Pops...

If infinite monkeys had infinite time they still wouldn’t produce anything as sanctimonious as this post.

Eddie's comments on Wilson, I think he might have just had about enough "He's ok, it wasnt a real injury, just can't push hard enough. We'll leave it till after the break". Something along those lines.

I would be tempted to pitch a sit com about a hapless local sports reporter but my Pater didn't go to Cambridge with the head of the BBC comedy department.

We're getting better lads.

He was always right up Ashworth’s backside

Therein lies a tail…

Shame they waited until over a third of likely voters have already voted.

So I took my youngest out trick or treating and a common theme emerged. Teenage girls all called me a "furry" and burst out giggling. I am guessing being called a furry is not a compliment. Hope MF has left some space under his patio at this rate.

This is one I dont care about the result of so much. I just hope we really really piss off arteta

Strange Bobby Charlton vibes going with this blokes hair (Aye read that you cunt. Because we all know he pops in for a wee gander)

Feckin Halloween and trick or treaters. Doing some work but have to get up every 5 minutes to give some snotty nosed kids some sweets, earned and paid for by my hard work. Ahem. Anyway, successfully made a little girl cry by leaping out of the door howling. Fecking parents should teach their brats to be more brave, no? Very trmpted to go to the pub tbh.

Triggered a memory - Back in the day when the Megadrive was the thing, I used to buy 2nd hand games from ads in the yellow paper for the kids. One time went to deepest darkest mackemville, even the A to Z page (nee satnav back then) was headed "are you sure". Any way gets to the gaff and knock on door, door opens a crack and voice says "ye ok with dergs" aye says I and am let in, greeted by a huge pitbull, "it's ok he's friendly" says blokey and in fairness he was, big soft attention seeking massive jawed lump tbh. So does deal, gets up to leave and my new friend the pitbull decides thats the time to have playfull/friendly jump up at me as dogs sometimes do. Bloke tells dog off and shouts "Bludgeon, get down". I mean, Bludgeon for fucks sake !!!!!

If I’d had two bottles of red I’d expect to wake up feeling like at least one of them had been stotted off my head

Some other lad. Dipper was about to hand his notice in a few weeks back but changed his mind last minute. Then refused to answer calls from the agent or person who interviewed him

I thought he’d been peddled? Or is that some other freak at your gaff?

Page 5 That's it, marra if yeh still looking for something to eayt you'll either neyd to garn back to page 1, or have yeh tried eayting yeh sister mars beyf curtains?

I don't work weekends, TP.