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With chaps, cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat?

The King is deposed, even his malign influence at SJP is cast asunder, we welcome in a new age of hope, and dare we say it ? perhaps the green shoots of EMPIRE. Will this be my Austerlitz or will it be my Waterloo (depending on HMHM's work pattern) Cowardice never won an EMPIRE, Onwards to Glory. 2-0

Feckin Halloween and trick or treaters. Doing some work but have to get up every 5 minutes to give some snotty nosed kids some sweets, earned and paid for by my hard work. Ahem. Anyway, successfully made a little girl cry by leaping out of the door howling. Fecking parents should teach their brats to be more brave, no? Very trmpted to go to the pub tbh.

THE MACKEM CEWKBEWK (HARDBACK) | alovesupreme "Page 1 - Homemade pink slices for ya marras. First get some flour, stick it in yeh mar's best pyrex dish. Hoy a few eggs in it and whisk it up peweh well. Next yeh neyd to get some sugar, stick loads in if yeh want - wa dinnit have any teyth to worry abewt. Finally, stick some 'pink' in it - Aah find it's best the yewse seyts from the stadium, but yeh can substitute the seyt for yeh best faded reg vardy shirt - but only the red stripes marra - dinnit tak the piss. Once yeh've done aal that stick the dish in the oven for a half hour on gas mark 6 - if yeh've connected up to ya neighbours supply to tak their gas then whack it up to a 7, but mak sheweh yeh tamper with that meyteh so tha dinnit find out. After a half hour tak the dish out the oven and let the horrible mess kewl down on the windeh sill for 20 minutes. Cut to serve. Garns well with: tha cheyse slices ya keyp in ya pocket."

Labour have lied by omission all over the shop. Mostly to the middle classes. Fake outrage from grown adults about politicians stitching them up is fuckin nauseating though. I think the NHS is going to have to have mostly wiped out waiting lists or shortened them to 3/4 months for hips and knees etc for things to sink in with these types if they want to get re-elected though. I think Labour were on a hiding to nothing from the word go. they were holed beneath the waterline by the press lying in wait for them almost from the morning after the election. WFA didn’t help, but TBF as others have said I’m quietly enthused by this budget. They’ve taxed the better off not the most vulnerable. Not allowed by the Tory press but normal social democracy in the real world. My heart bleeds for the likes of these fuckers. Not …

I don't work weekends, TP.

And you're all welcome. (it was never in doubt).

Furries are people who like to dress up in mascot type costumes and shag other people in mascot type costumes. Ear flicked on the metro, and now chinned by teenage lasses.

My bowl is down to the last three mini tubes of Fizzers (not a euphemism) but I've kept back about 10 of the best sweets for myself for later and now I'm fairly certain I'm going to have to part with them. Waiting for a sufficiently big gap in traffic so I can whisk the pumpkin indoors (also not a euphemism) without being spotted.

Triggered a memory - Back in the day when the Megadrive was the thing, I used to buy 2nd hand games from ads in the yellow paper for the kids. One time went to deepest darkest mackemville, even the A to Z page (nee satnav back then) was headed "are you sure". Any way gets to the gaff and knock on door, door opens a crack and voice says "ye ok with dergs" aye says I and am let in, greeted by a huge pitbull, "it's ok he's friendly" says blokey and in fairness he was, big soft attention seeking massive jawed lump tbh. So does deal, gets up to leave and my new friend the pitbull decides thats the time to have playfull/friendly jump up at me as dogs sometimes do. Bloke tells dog off and shouts "Bludgeon, get down". I mean, Bludgeon for fucks sake !!!!!

The fucking ludicrous suggestion that they've had to return to work to make ends meet. 60 BTL properties. FUCKING SIXTY. To "supplement" their pension. "Oh just a little extra to keep the wolves from the door. It means we can have our 3 bar fire on an extra half an hour when the nights are at their coldest." Jokers.

Well that's one boat that's been stopped so there's a little consolation for them.

I've seen him have a good game now.

It depends what you class as an ordinary business. Small businesses like my own get £5000 to offset against National Insurance contributions and to protect businesses like mine the government have increased this to £10,500 to offset the additional contributions. So the increase in NIC is only going to really affect medium and large businesses who are better placed to absorb it. And we're talking about an increase of 1.2% here. If your business can't afford that then you're probably not going to survive anyway.

If it makes you feel any better you'd have lost the house in the divorce anyway.

Panackulty Tak some tayties, carrots and onions from next door’s allotment, and give it some with a shiv. Scrayup out the chip pan, put the salad bits in, then follow Callum the staffie with ya pan until he drops a shite on the carpet. Put it in with the salad, cewk it on a lightbulb for a week, then eayt it with a bap.

Page 3 - Wey have Dicksons at home Garn to Lidl and buy the cheypest, shittest sausages. Whilst ya there chaw some stotteys, and peyse pudding. Once tha Nigereyin with the SIA badge stops chasing yeh, mak ya way home. Stick the sausages in the air fryer and cut yeh stotteys and lather them up in the hoistey peayse pudding. Put the chip pan on and stick some gravey granewls in the centuries old lard once it's melted. Put that mess in your best sports direct mug. Whack the under cewked sausages in the bun. Dip in the mug, and enjoy tha best savaloy dip money won't buy, marras.

“ ALl I WANT FOR TITZMAS, IIIIISSSSS YOOOOOOOOOOOO!” In a change from tradition, I’ll say 5-0, 6 of them being deflections off Mariah’s jammers, 2 being their keeper slipping in puddles of jizz.

don't mention young lassies and the chinkies..... they'll all burst in to song.

I'll start the bidding at 50-0, Shearer with 10 hat-tricks and another 10 braces. Lego-heed to finish with this one,

They've just played a clip at the end of the latest Quiet Riot podcast of Beth Rigby questioning Reeves. Really annoyed voice on her. "I spoke to Wes Streeting before the election and put it to him that the NHS would need additional funding, and his response was that more funding was not the answer to save the NHS. You've just announced £22.6bn of extra funding for day to day healthcare for the NHS. You just have not been straight with the British public." What do you even say to that? You're getting pulled up for trying to improve the NHS now. These journalists are fucking pathetic.

This is from this year's Peterborough Pride parade, if it helps for context

So I took my youngest out trick or treating and a common theme emerged. Teenage girls all called me a "furry" and burst out giggling. I am guessing being called a furry is not a compliment. Hope MF has left some space under his patio at this rate.

If I’d had two bottles of red I’d expect to wake up feeling like at least one of them had been stotted off my head

Page 5 That's it, marra if yeh still looking for something to eayt you'll either neyd to garn back to page 1, or have yeh tried eayting yeh sister mars beyf curtains?

Tak some chips, from the chinkies if the mrsister is busy having another bairn. Tak some cheeyse. Mix them up in a box or summat. Wallah- Cheeysey Chips!

Reminds me of that video the Tories put out re: the winter fuel allowance. Where it was sone bloke in a posh house complaining in his kitchen but neither himself or the people making the film having the sense to realise he probably shouldn’t be wearing a gold Rolex

I love how they’re so thick they don’t realise their scramble for the moral high ground involves their being racist. And it’s only ever one NUFC win away from being triggered no matter how well they’re doing

or Both valid.

A bit childish, no, very childish. But anyway.

It’s a real shame they look like they won’t get the chance to meet some Somalian pirates

Fuck the Macraes.

1-0 Arteta to blame the ref and cry - again.

Carabao cup draw schedule ✅

https://twitter.com/profcarycooper/status/1851357484088221721?s=12&t=7EP1snWKh3ho3iDGAoo5gw

This is one I dont care about the result of so much. I just hope we really really piss off arteta

Strange Bobby Charlton vibes going with this blokes hair (Aye read that you cunt. Because we all know he pops in for a wee gander)

He's a chihuahua isn't he?

I was going to say, it clearly doesn’t show how thick the book isn’t in the picture- no way there’s more than 3 pages 2 of them will be pictures.

The News Agents, who like all the other political journalists, spent the run up to the election forensically querying whether Reeves had just given away that she was about to put taxes up, and trying to gotcha her and Starmer into saying they'd put this or that tax up, and whether that might be enough to cost Labour their majority. Well on yesterday's episode they're questioning Reeves on why she couldn't just be a bit more honest about taxes going up during the election campaign. Political journalists in this country need a fucking hard reset.

You know what’s so weird and tragic about them? They should be fucking delighted with how life has panned out for them. Yet loads of them spend their lives raging about shit that barely impacts them and punching down.

Also the notion that the baby boomer generation has been "hung out to dry". Never has there been a more privelged and entitled generation than these cunts. I hope their boat sinks without trace.

post takeover.... was up for the 2-0 which caused arteta to have a meltdown with his players in the dressing room. missed the 0-2, was in the lake district. was up for the 1-0 which caused arteta to make a complete tit of himself and cry like a baby heaping huge embarrassment on 85% of the iberian peninsula. I'm up for this on saturday so I'm going for a 2-0 hone win, 5 of which will be own goals by charlie george, not only that though, arteta will inexplicably blame havertz for this and will run on to the pitch with a baseball bat and in a scene reminiscent to the bear jew beat the german's head in with it in the centre circle. well, I hope so anyway.

Can you save up some chores or DIY projects for the weekend then, please? Thanks.

We specifically are in this mess because of the enormous fucking hole that Brexit has kicked in our economy.