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I watch every game, press conference, various NUFC journalists videos and YouTubers and still know fuck all

“Oh look at me! I have a life.” Pathetic.

Here's your daily reminder of just how OLD the people on this board are. Sheeeeeeeeeeesh There's a game tomorrow against a team we hate and therefore will likely lose. So you all had better be prepared to watch, whinge on the match thread and then have the rest of your weekend ruined afterwards. That's how it's done. Freaking boomers.

Does the Throne not have lumbar support, Your Maj?

Sounds like something from the days when Austin used to make cars.

Mrs. Gloom after nearly a week of “Royalty”…

There’s a lesson in there somewhere

Modern football and everything surrounding it pisses me off but I also don't have a life so watch it but mostly us religiously.

It's an AI effort TBF.

Been listening to this rap lately, it's about two sports fans, one a boy, one a girl who both have a rivalry going on with their favourite sports stars. Verse 1: The Australian Girl Yo, it’s me, your biggest fan, down under in the land, Allan Saint-Maximin, the best in the game, understand? You glide like a dream, every match, you reign supreme, While Wykikitoon’s sittin’ there, lost in his little scheme. I’m cheering loud, waving flags, in my green and gold, You weave through defenders, got that magic to behold. While he’s drooling over Gordon, a headless chook, no skill, I’m all about your flair, man, you give me such a thrill. Chorus: The Rivalry Allan, I’m your ride or die, while Wykikitoon just sighs, Tryna diss me, but his boy’s weak, can’t even rise. In this fan war, I’ll roar, bring the noise and the score, You’re the king of the pitch, he’s just stuck at the door. Verse 2: Wykikitoon Listen up, girl, you think you own this game, But it’s Gordon in the spotlight, and he’s bringing the flame. Allan’s flashy, but can’t finish like my lad, While you’re lost in your dreams, I’m just chillin’, not mad. You call him a chook, but you’re the one who’s fried, Obsessed with a player, it’s like you’ve lost your pride. Thin and white, but he’s got that speed, You just can’t see it, girl, you’re lost in your greed. Chorus: The Rivalry Allan, I’m your ride or die, while Wykikitoon just sighs, Tryna diss me, but his boy’s weak, can’t even rise. In this fan war, I’ll roar, bring the noise and the score, You’re the king of the pitch, he’s just stuck at the door. Bridge: The Face-off So here we are, two fans, each claiming the crown, But in the end, it’s the love for the game that keeps us around. Wykikitoon, man, let’s settle the score, Who’s the real MVP? Let the pitch speak more. Verse 3: The Showdown I’ll rep Saint-Maximin, you’ll back your thin hope, But we’re both just fans, caught in the same rope. So let’s unite for the love, while we clash for the hype, Football’s the passion, let’s keep the rivalry ripe. Outro: The Fan Love Allan, Gordon, both shining stars on the field, No matter the battle, it’s the love that we wield. From Australia to Yorkshire, the fans hold the key, In this game of life, we’re all family.

Anyway, tell me more about this girl.....

Reminds me of what a old work colleague said once …. “ she was the sort of girl who, if you had the incredible good fortune to find yourself invited to get on top of her, you really wouldn’t get off until the neighbours complained about the smell….”

You'll need to find somewhere else to bury them. 🙂

FYP

I feel your pain. Last week I had the usual shit trying to get into SJP. Downloaded my ticket into my wallet, verified it was there, then when I got to the turnstyle it had disappeared and I couldn't get in. Couldn't find it anywhere, but had the e-mail etc as proof. They used to let you in under such circumstances but not now apparently. They couldn't find it either, but they found last seasons Man city ticket archived and insisted I was trying to pull a fast one. Told me to go the box office, told them that would mean missing the first half of the match and told them to fuck off. Massive queue forming behind me. Eventually they called over some tech savvy person who found the ticket (don't know how, suspect Google had incorrectly archived it, but I still can't see it) and I got in, to ironic cheers behind me. I mean I know I'm getting on a bit, but why the fuck does it have to be like this? I thought technology would get easier to use as we enter this new dystopian age but NOTHING FUCKING WORKS as it should do. Take my fucking "smart" meters. I'm personally finding a lot of apps are now worse at communicating than they used to be. There's empirical evidence Google is worse at searching than it used to be but they don't give a fuck as they have a monopoly, much like NUFC has. So aye, good luck.

Job's a good un.

@strawbs avatar is from play off game down there which I've commented on in the general thread Random memory: A thing that comes to mind alongside the joke of asking if the club still does videos after sitting through the Wimbledon game is the Roker Review programme for the derby mentioned or the derby in the league that season had a fan's page where they asked a random fan questions and one of the questions was; Q: How do you celebrate a victory over the Mags? The answer the MLF on the day gave was 'Ah'd go over ta Newcastle and buys a videyo from theya club shop as thad ah'l be sowald out in Sunalin.' There was no 'lol' at the end because it was 34 years ago before the internet invented it. Anyway, carry on.

they've got a match kicking off in half an hour but that's not enough to prevent one of the world's great thinkers kick starting the grey matter and coming up with this earth shattering theory (whatever it means)...

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?” He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?” He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.” Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?” He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.” “Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.”

shit. Hope you’re on the mend soon man. my dodgy lower back has been playing up the last couple of weeks. Not a bad one on this occasion, has been much, much worse in the past, but annoying enough to hinder pretty much everything. Getting older is a right pain in the arse, or back on my case

My old man had a mixed history when it came to cars- he owned, at various times, a Triumph TR6, several Minis, a Saab 69, Ford Anglia, Lancia Beta, but he fucked it big time by buying not one, but two Austin Allegros.

Maybe it'll work fine?

Renton's story sounds like when I get called to my mam's house cos something tech related won't work, I get there and do exactly what I've been telling her to do on the phone, and it works. "Well it wasn't doing that for ME?!"

Not on twitter so can't read this unfortunately, but I just find it hard to believe this will matter. If you don't believe by now that what Trump did on Jan 6th was illegal and disqualifying, you never will. The polls appear to be tightening too which is just absurd. America can just fuck right off that it's even this close.

Anyway, getting back on topic, quite looking forward to getting this new car but know for a fact I'll be tearing my hair out working out apps and tariffs as I've a feeling my smart meter won't be compatible with octopus and their EV friendly tariff. You need the charger's app, the car app and your energy provider's app. What could possibly go wrong?

Glad to see Dan Ashworth's "great Summer" has gone to shit. €150mil on De Ligt, Ugarte and Zirkzee and they all look dog shit

65k seems right to me from a commercial viewpoint. Slightly lower supply will induce demand through fear of missing out (FOMO) factors and encourage day trippers to upgrade. As soon as there are gaps people will pick and choose when they come. Fuck me, I'm a hard nosed business bitch.

Getting more Charles I vibes than Charles III tbh

There's a thing we've applied for, on it's own it's not enough for normal living but we might just be able to get by. Expecting some bullshit from the DWP because they've tried it on once before when she moved from DLA to PIP, (that was a very testing SIX MONTHS till we won an independent appeal) and also just because we're a fucked up country with priorities all over the place. We'll get there, the mortgage is right down, I'll get a FT job if it gets crunch time but I've got leeway with some redundancy/bonus money still in the bank.

Then beat Liverpool in the QF and Man City in the semi final and we're laughing*. *Obviously we wouldn't be laughing, we'd get Man U in the final and they'd play above themselves whilst Odysseus throws the ball in our goal after replacing Nick Pope who injured himself in the pre-game warm up. Osula would do his best standing in for the injured Gordon who was standing in for the injured Wilson who was standing in for the injured Isak but it wouldn't be enough.

Fucking hell man. These cunts are the jammiest ever. 97th minute equaliser from probably the worst goal keeping error I've ever seen. Watched them on and off tonight, decent enough match. I think they'll maybe get a play off place. I don't think they're good enough for automatic promotion.

I think I’m going to put some actual music in this thread 😒 And continuing our recent occasional reaggae theme….

Ah yes, the sovereign state of Tyneside, with its own planning laws. Imagine posting that fucking twaddle and not being embarrassed

I love how they just invent stuff that the owners have promised within (also invented) deadlines. All so they can kid themselves it points to the Saudis having lost interest.

He said that if anyone ever presented him with an alternative to the football, he'd be happy to do it. It's just never happened yet.

It'll be a fucking mosque before the year is out, you mark my words.

You also have to just look at the queues as well. I did get into the AC Milan game but the queues are now a joke where once they weren't. Twice I've seen it for myself and you hear about it from people with season tickets so what it comes down to is, is it better now? I'd say absolutely not and I don't think I'll be alone.

Love it. Let me finish this off withouth the need for AI: How man the morale of this story therefore is, When life is all take and never seems to give, Hey man never forget you're ying to their yang, Thank fuck at least you weren't born a massive lad's fan.

Just so I can laugh about myself; Ballad of the Discontented Man In a town where the shadows stretch long, Lived a man with a heart full of song. Each job he took felt like a chain, A fleeting chance, but all in vain. He donned his suit, tied his tie, But with every day, he'd sigh and cry. From office clerk to factory floor, He dreamed of more, but found it a bore. Oh, Newcastle United, his heart’s true pride, But the gates of St. James' are closed wide. With tickets scarce and dreams deferred, He’d watch from afar, each cheer unheard. “Just one match,” he’d whisper in prayer, “To see them play, to feel the air. But luck’s not kind, and fortune's blind, In every crowd, it’s hope he can't find.” Yet through his troubles, a flicker of light, “I may be down, but I’ll keep up the fight. At least I’m not stuck as an MLF, With nothing to dream of, just empty breath.” So he trudged on, with a weary grin, Knowing in time, he'd find joy within. For though the jobs came and went like a breeze, His love for the Magpies would never cease. And though life’s road may twist and bend, He clung to hope, his true friend. With every setback, he stood tall and proud, A loyal supporter, amidst the crowd. The prompt was.... A ballad about a man not happy with every new job he gets, he can't get in to see his long time football team, Newcastle United, he's down on his luck but at least he wasn't born a MLF.

I think "The King" is discovering that there are limits to his powers.

No more fucking sellotaping!!!! Woofuckinghooo

I did miss my OCBC (old cunts breakfast club) meet up with my mate, our text exchange below (he’s older than me);

I tried the walk like an Egyptian after coming across the video on Youtube. I now need to see a Cairo practor.

Shift manager at Nissan gave it the thumbs up, so Plod was happy.

Your nieces and nephews said it's fine.