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He wouldn't be all that keen on us signing Sterling though.

Oh ok… This is obviously @sammynb ☺️

What do you think preceded this tweet? *ring ring* Gandaft: Rich Energy, premium energy drink of the U.K. now doing more hashtag business than ever, how can I direct your call? Caller: William, we're going to need you to move all those pallets you've had sitting in storage Gandaft: Can I use the pallet jack myself? Caller: Sure thing dear Gandaft: Thanks Mum

Ahhh, the good old days that man. This was taken last week. "So a says to that kraut Isegrim, a says 'this is how a see ye'" "What?" "A said a says.... ahhh fuck it .... what was I talkin about again? Anyway your round Rob".

https://x.com/LeeDForster/status/1825422167791591740 42 years ago, fucks sake.

Howe has mentioned quite often that it is difficult for us to sign players because the pool of talent we're looking at is incredibly small. I think he has every reason to be believed on that one as it simply stands to reason that it is the case. The pool is much smaller than when the takeover began because we only have a few positions with significant ability to upgrade with better now. It's also worth considering that the club has an even smaller pool relative to other top clubs because we don't have the margin for error of the big clubs with massive profits and heaps of PSR headspace so taking a chance on a player isn't exactly something we can do without an extra level of risk. The PSR headroom also limits us on wages so we can't offer massive wages to well established stars looking for a new challenge unless they're willing to take a pay cut. We also have an even smaller pool relative to other big clubs because we don't have the pulling power to get players who are seeking immediate opportunities to start stocking up on trophies. Overall there are several very understandable limitations placed on us. But the intentions are clearly there this window to move things along. It'll happen it just requires some patience and the maximum amount of leverage and clarity that will arrive at the end of the window when we know who we can move on and who is serious about doing a deal to allow us to bring someone in. Hang in there, CT.

The shame is that you aren't on the payroll, standing behind Mitchell at his desk: "Right, open up Google. Click into the box... NO, that's the address bar. THE SEARCH BOX. THERE! Right, now type 'Bruno type signings'. Press enter. Right, I'm popping to Superdrug for some anusol, I'll be back in an hour to see what you've found."

opened up this 'hot' topic thinking maybe the cunt has signed after all. but no, merely ct giving all other thread users a severe Internet arse kicking.

I don't know why we don't just make some Bruno type signings. I also don't understand why, when we're struggling in matches, we don't just give Isak the ball to run past their entire team and set up a goal like he did against Everton.

Still, if anyone should appreciate a good dribbler...

"WHERE ARE MY BRUNO TYPE SIGNINGS!?" If it was this easy, everyone would be challenging Man City at the top of the league.

you may well be right. maybe keegan doesn't court any honour. I do think though that his 'not in the brochure' protest is the single most transformative moment in the club's history, certainly in my lifetime. and while it's impossible to say what might or might not have happened since that time, I personally don't think we'd be where we are today without the way keegan began shaping nufc at the beginning of the 90s. will never be beaten as the greatest nufc legend for me.

Yer mam and dad were probably, hot and sweatily, working on it though. Imagine.

PL and HMHM before they go for a pre-match pint

He sounds like he's describing a series of cold war steve efforts.

Guehi because of an error in the opening game of the season after spending several weeks with a boring big toothed tweed wearing, jigsaw loving cunt in safegate ✅

They’re having a mare mate. Wouldn’t surprise me if some are on the club payroll the way they are going on.

Happy to oblige. Thread bump.... This is how I see @Isegrim Errrr could you do @OTFplease?

Even some of the cold war steve montages are becoming indistinguishable from life in some of these Reform shit holes. Clacton today.

Wait, are people genuinely talking about signing Raheem Sterling? Jesus, you've lost your collective minds.

So I wasted my time making this thread with the new 2024-25 title only for someone to change the old one a few hours later?

CT simultaneously demanding and ruling out Bruno type signings.

It's not just about upgrading Murphy though, is it? Yes, we could sign Sterling or whomever. But that'll leave us in a wage problem, and we'll have to replace Sterling soon enough. The pool we're fishing in is small. We need a player who; Ticks enough of the performance analysis boxes (technical, loads of stamina, presses well) has the potential to improve is within PSR wriggle room expects reasonable wages who plays in a style that dovetails with the team has the right personality to mesh with the squad and experience of Premier League preferrable Now, within these parameters, drop a list of available, affordable, appropriate players would you please?

He is. But he's also more egotistical, on higher wages, doesn't fit the age profile of players we should be signing, et-fucking-cetera. It's a big old "No!" from ya boy.

That’s the first time Jethro has made me laugh.

Oops

Cunt! It's more of a halter shape and you forgot my top knot!

the stupid spanish cunt.

That’s what Keegan said last year.

He’s in there to get minutes in his legs if you ask me. If he was about to be sold he would hardly turning out for the U21s…

I think as non celebrity types we've all got our little claims to fame that we're quite chuffed with. I reckon if you could genuinely say that as as kid back in the 70s you sang on another brick in the wall, that would take some beating!

Strangling can‘t hurt Havertz anyway, you need a wooden stake.

I think he's doing fine. 4 is very young to be learning a foreign language.

The comments section isn't much better.

If you ever find yourself with imposter syndrome in any given situation, just remind yourself that she's somehow made a career out of this. Mind you, given what else the Guardian sees fit to publish...

Whese Keyes Louise's match report has plenty of little details.....

I don't like seeing these Roo-on-Roo incidents. It's like seeing Mick Dundee and Donk fall out.

🙂

Rotherham could do with some cash, maybe we get back Shane Ferguson?

Crust me on this, don't baguette, Gemmill is not a fan of all this bunnery, you'll not get a rise from him*. * There you gaan. The highest pun to word count ratio on this bread. That's enough loafing for today.

Like they say, parody is well and truly dead in this country. Thank goodnesss the theatre was a "snowflake free safe space for decent hardworking people to go and have a laugh". All it needs is for them to bump into CT on the beach metal detecting. Thanks Lee, honestly, this tweet has genuinely given me a laugh. Although when I realise I am only 3 years younger than you the joke isn't so funny any more.

Mdrongo.

Fuck you.

It's also telling that the most obvious destination for him was North London and Spurs have signed Solanke instead, and Arsenal would rather persevere with Havertz despite it not working. Toney is a prick who's goal return is padded with pens anyway. Poundland Olly Watkins with a shit cunt attitude.

I hope hes off to saudi, its telling that none of the big boys have come in for him despite him seeming to think he has a right to be at one of them. His attitude towards brentford has always rubbed me the wrong way, he seems like such a cunt.

That's Jive Talking !