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Aye he's gone to be home for the birth of his third child. He needs to be in attendance for the ceremonial shaving of the eyebrow tramlines.

the fuckers have got cardiff opening game of the season, the quickest route literally takes them right past my house. in an incredible act of bravery I'm inclined to nonchalantly stand by monmouth roundabout wearing our home top and munching on a steakbake. that'll show the cunts.

Ghostly RTG: SEYNT PEYTER. Mag. Seymed a deycent seynt and was fairly welcoming at the geytes but as I was walking in ah saw a mag in front of me wearing a scum top on. Ah had my lads top on only because I was on the long trip up to heaven and wanted to bey comfortable unlike the mag who was just wanting attention by wearing his. An Arsenal fan behind me never said anything but ah knew ey was thinking the same. Saynt Peyter, despite beying honoured by having the metro stayashun near the SoL named after him, was obviously a mag as ey let the gravy stained mag into the exclewsive paradise Tropicana club, (drinks were free) but when ah got to the front he gave me directions to the toilet. 'ah dinna neyd the bog, marra' ah sez to 'im but he said, 'No my childlike mortal, you are to spend one hundred years cleaning it and learning how to use it properly before you can pass into Club tropicana.' ah was going to knock the cheykey cunt into next week but thought he's a man of God so the cunt will probably never realise how lucky he was. It was bad enough on earth but Mag-eaven is even worse! FTM.

The above isn't made up by myself but from his blog as well. First seize, (and kit out), Bilbao, then take the Germans in a Netflix pincer movement. (You'll notice he claims the Germans loved their series and also liked the Wrexham show but of course they're only interested in the actors who bought the Welsh club and not the history of Wrexham, which by inference means they're fascinated by Sunderland's history instead). If his mother's still alive it really would be quicker and easier to ask her for a comforting cuddle to alleviate the SAFC pain then to get fans of other clubs to metaphorically hug the Mag hurt away.

I think after the relative success of WC 2018 the England squad/team largely picked itself. Southgate has never had to deal with “generational” talents emerging and upsetting his cosy wee set up. Now for the first time he’s got to properly think about team selection he’s fucked. Which was very likely always on the cards. Tbf he had Foden and Bellingham at the WC in Qatar but neither of them at that point had come off the back of what might prove to be the best seasons in their club careers’ which makes them completely different propositions in terms of how they’re perceived by the general public and more significantly for Southgate personally the English football media. He knew he’d be fuckin crucified if he didn’t pick them both. He probably knew without a proper left back the logical pick on the left was Gordon with his Kenyan marathon runners’ stamina combined with a sprinter’s electric pace he would’ve been able to patrol the entire left hand side single handed and interact with the attacking midfielders as he’d done very effectively in the recent firiendly games, rather than relying on an an overlapping full back to provide support more often than not. Looks the same the other side re Saka/Palmer. Southgate has got it half right, he picked the PL’s form players in the squad. Then he went with loyalty to those in his pecking order and has shown signs this week that he’s willing to ditch them if it’s not going right. Has he got the balls to start Gordon, Palmer and Mainoo on Sunday?… for me he needs to drop one of the two that have caused all this bother for him this summer too.. two of the best half dozen attacking players in Europe… thing is, his coach at Euro 96 Terry Venables has shown him the way him. No fuckin way would virtually any other manager have stick with Shearer before the tournament started. The strikers ignored by Venables in favour of Shearer and the 30 year old Sheringham is fuckin jaw dropping. Venables told him not to listen to the press and he was his no.9. He told STEVE FUCKIN HOWEY in the winter of 1996 that he was in the squad, not only that but he was starting 2 out of the 3 group games (Howey said all this in a podcast) That’s the sort of single mindedness required but I don’t think nice guy Gareth has ever been remotely equipped to think along those lines. He wants to make everyone happy including the media. Venables knew he knew more about football than the craven tabloid wankers that followed the England team around in the mid 90s . More importantly he made damn sure that they all knew he knew more than them too. That’s a rare gift. We’ll see if Gareth has learned anything on Sunday…

Unless it's to League 1.

FTM = Fuck the Motorways

And asked: do you hate the mags anarl?

I hope there’s no bother between Sheffield Wednesday and Southampton fans in Newcastle city centre on the Saturday night

I hope the three you picked were one of many, otherwise it makes Venables look a bit racist tbh

If she’s not, I’ll guarantee she was a founding member of The Sunderland AFC Heaven Branch. They’re fucking desperate these, mind

The bloke’s still on about Kalvin Phillips, man. A lad who did a decent job for England. But who’s also, even at his best, a limited, defensive-minded, safety first robot. Who also arguably held the team back as an attacking unit even when he was a mainstay.

And the local post office customers all got up and applauded.

Dave, with respect, how THE FUCK would you know anything about delivering instructions to a barber.

Aye you're not wrong. I used to always think about my old man talking about XYZ passing, but, it's just part of life init? He was so quiet in the office. Such a great bloke, always helpful. When my mam passed I reported to him. I had finished uni and he was superb, so supportive and kind. We were working on the QE hospital Birmingham at concept stage, so in 2005. It was a massive project and all hands on deck. I wanted to be in work, one to take my mind off it and two I didn't want to let anyone down. He basically made me take a week off and come back in for a chat. I did and after a day or so realised I needed that time off to process it. A few years after a group of us went out in Harrogate as a mate had moved there. Told us about a band on, said they were great. We went out and we heard the bar was rocking. Went in and this bloke on lead guitar was sweating like fuck rocking. Turned out it was this engineer The quiet reserved guy was a full on mad rocker and nobody knew RIP Paul lad, will have a beer tonight for thee.

Braverman’s just employed a similar tactic. Claiming that people called her (in her words) a ‘genocidal bleep’ at the supermarket. Possibly true. Also her kids were there, because of course they would be because that’s a classic appeal to emotion. Then the people who called her it followed her to the checkouts continuing the abuse. Then they rang up several of their friends who repeated the insult over the phone. At this point her security intervened. She’s not a MLF by any chance is she?

I thought you must have photo shopped that but no, it's actually true 😂

Bellingham has done ok. It’s not really the system imo. It’s the way it’s being implemented. But what I find weird is, at club level you usually have a system at one time that a manager believes in. Then you recruit and use players that fit into it. Whereas at international level, you obviously can’t go out and sign players. So you tailor your tactics and formation to suit your best players. Southgate is obsessed with the system even though it’s to the detriment of some of the best attacking players in the world. Which I think Foden, Bellingham and Saka are when you consider the sort of fees they’d command if anyone could even afford them. Even then I think it’s fairly obvious that you could shuffle those players in this system / add the likes of Gordon and/or Palmer and make it work better. He’s such a limited coach it’s untrue.

On the plus side some of quips going around are occasionally enjoyable: "Southgate's favorite sandwhich filling is another slice of bread'......etc

I’m just away to Amsterdam for a work do. Will still be there on Sunday so now really hoping we play the tulip-shaggers. I’ll get utterly fucking cunted to ensure entertainment.

Don’t forget the genocide

Erm, Stan Collymore?

Hopefully Starmer doesn't extend the vote to Russian bots as well as 16 year olds.

Except Trippier who has left them all on unread in the group chat whilst he frantically tries to find a suitable divorce lawyer.

That international fan day / weekend thing they have where about 30 people turn up proves they are MASSIVE tbh

You hear about people sometimes saying why doesn't Southgate get the respect Venables and Robson gets? Well time and nostalgia plays a part but also stuff like this tournament, like getting one of the easiest run ins to a WC semi final you're likely to get, taking the lead and then snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, getting a home tournament final at home, taking the lead and doing the same, not having bravery when bravery is required, showing some balls and dropping certain players even if they're sacrosanct or play for certain untouchable clubs. Would you rather be slated for sticking to the same routine and regretting it later on or being the one who introduced the next best things? We had already qualified before KO but had looked very stale and pedestrian so it was almost a no brainer to change it significantly but he is who he is and that's unlikely to change. Honestly never rated the bloke as a manager and there's NEVER been a time I'd have wanted the bloke anywhere near NUFC. I'm sure he's a lovely person etc but he's just got too negative a mindset to win tournaments. (And as I've said loads of times, I'm not even a big England fan if I'm one at all?)

Divorces ain’t cheap. Sorry, look at me teaching my grandma how to suck eggs.

Scotland are so much better at being shit than England, at least when we’re shit we have the dignity to fuck off home and don’t hang around stinking the place up.

Southgate is a fucking bellend.

That’s another thing. If you’re going to persist with Kane. Consider he’s a 30 year old, whose legs have gone a bit and who’s come off the back of a long hard season. Also playing in very warm conditions tonight. AND DON’T PLAY HIM THE FULL 90 MINUTES! Give Watkins or Toney a good 25 minutes. What’s the point of running Kane into the ground in a match situation like that? If Kane doesn’t like getting taken off when he hasn’t scored, so fucking what?

The Ladies Euros are next year. The FA can save a few quid and recycle its banners.

I'd go with, Pickford TAA - Guehi - Stones - Walker Rice - Bellingham Saka - Foden - Gordon Kane

I'll pop round and see what's what.

Miggy and Wilson could both end up in Saudi - it's the only place that we'd get a decent fee and they'd get the wages they'd be looking for to leave. This assumes both want to throw gay people off buildings and stone lasses like.

It's a good idea but they're unlikely to take the quickest route. Mag behaviour.

Either the Netherlands or whoever finishes 3rd in the Romania/Belgium/Slovakia/Ukraine group, depending on nerdy permutations (surely the best kind of permutation).

A mate of mine who gets bits and pieces of info from a players relative, heard weeks ago that Trips is off to Saudi for a couple of years with his missus heading back to the North West with the kids. It was then all over twitter a few weeks later and Trips hasn't been involved in any of the new kit launch so I'm fairly convinced this is accurate info. Don't see how all of this gets done before the end of June like, unless it already is and they're just waiting for Southgate's incompetence to finally get us knocked out of the Euro's to announce it.

I tend to find they magxaggerate a bit.

Ah, a good old "mag at heaven" story

Only Southgate could take a squad with attacking talent that is the envy of world football and come up with those stats.