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He'll be off for a mega payday somewhere. 10 league goals in his last two seasons while playing for two of the best teams in spain, missing 53 matches in those two seasons with injury. Certainly sounda like a LTA player. Not a newcastle one though.

The amount of raging hard ons down wearside way in fevered anticipation of getting wound up by something someone might've said tonight was always going to happen. Presenter: "And welcome to our England game here on channel 4 at St. James' Par....." MLF: "Ah fucking knew it!! Right up theya mag arses alreddy!!!!"

"It's really tricky to say just what these polls are telling us at this moment in time and that's all they are, a snapshot in the day they were taken."

Now hold on. Gemmill has explained himself about this many times. Nothing happened and anyway, if it did, the lass in question definitely consented.

Fucking hell 😂😂😂

As of Friday, I’m officially a homeowner and, if waving goodbye to 80% of my savings wasn’t bad enough, the other 20% is now going on decor and homeware while I accumulate debt by placing all the really expensive stuff on a 0% credit card. Wish someone could remind me why this is such a great idea? Haven’t met the neighbours yet but if they’re cunts, I’m selling it immediately and living in a yurt somewhere

Apparently Seaburn has fallen. Cue several hundred pages on the Land Lady being a slag. Classy.

You can bookmark this for your next trip up north.

“Branthwaite Carlisle born, back in the north east.” Carlisle is the north west you daft cunt.

Just watching C4 build up to the England game there. They had a bit of the usual football build up bigging up the NE and Newcastle as a football hot bed. Clichéd but, you know, quite normal. Thought I'd check what the fans of massive lads made of it. Yep.

I hope they announce another emergency press conference and it's just Anderson and Farage having a farting competition with Tice as the judge.

"So you phoned up sky fucking news live on air and then hung up when they answered? Was your fucking brain cell on holiday today?"

In a very crowded field, I do fucking hate Shapps in particular. Bye bye you doss cunt.

This is it for me. I don’t think he’ll cross to the Tories and/or become their leader. I do agree it’s plausible but I think it’s more likely they’ve done extensive research into where they regard is the best chance of him winning. You mentioned the previous research commissioned by Banks. What I think will actually be in Farage’s mind is a seat in the commons to replace his former EU grift. He’ll use it as a platform to constantly be on GBeebies, etc. and rinse the expenses to the hilt. He’s not a serious politician. He’s a populist con man who says everything is shite without any solutions

the 18 months or so the premier league spent kicking the can down the road was literally the happiest period in their tragic lives. absolutely pure, unadulterated joy that we'd been deprived of wealthy owners without a single solitary mention of human rights or amnesty international. fucking fantasists.

That's just the start. Then the kids become teenagers and overnight complete shits. Your gut increases in size exponentially past the age of 40, no matter what exercise you do, not that you'll have time for it. Hair turns grey if you're lucky or falls out if you're Gemmill. Everybody at work becomes younger than you and out the corner of your eyes you can see their pity. What else? Oh aye. Weddings are replaced by funerals. Hangovers become living hell. You start grunting when you sit up from a sofa. And rather than lust after Porno Bridget, you worry she'll end up with a prolapsed disc, just like the one you've just suffered. Enjoy. 👍

It’s just taken nearly an hour for Ryan Christie to score v Gibraltar I feel I may have to lower my expectations for continent-wide domination this summer

He's taken over as leader but that seems to be it. Fucking waste of time, the wide mouthed cunt.

Extinction is genuinely what this lot deserve. When you think back to Rees-Mogg lying on the benches during Brexit debates, they've taken the piss and thought they could do whatever they liked. It would be incredible if they were just wiped out.

Eh? I don't see anything strange going on.

The community note

Gemmill's mam is backing Keith.

Honestly, based on performances in the second half of this season, he's not worth 10m. But only Newcastle is subject to fair value scrutiny when selling to Saudi. Everyone else can take the absolute piss.

The Lib Dems are having the time of their lives.

Went down to Headingley this morning to pay my respects. Fuck it was hard like. Loads of people just stood in shock crying. It's challenge Cup final this weekend so the final will pay its respects to the little man.

makes this place look normal

What does an MP actually have to do to avoid a recall petition? Just not get done by the standing committee I think. The like of Dorries were completely disengaged for months. Farage showeed what a lazy cunt he was as an MEP. He'd be happy to take the coin and privelige without the actual work I think.

I don't get all this wanking over Cole Palmer. Yes, he's a good player and has 22 goals and 11 assists this season but 9 of those goals were penalties. If you take those away then he's had a marginally better season than Anthony Gordon but to listen to the media you'd think he's the second coming of Messi.

So is this.

it is depressing verdict on the uk electorate that brexit, the biggest drag on the UK economy, and climate change, the biggest risk to humanity, are such low priorities

The old lad sitting there thinking “ I only came out for a quiet pint and bag of scampi fries…ffs”

based on our current track record with injuries, hes definitely a newcastle player

England have been desperate here. Southgate won’t even consider taking any kind of attacking risk in a friendly against Bosnia ffs. Right back in midfield, centre half at right back and a right back at left back. With Gallagher in there to keep it tight

I hope Lee Anderson chins him before the campaign ends

Was just coming to post that. Honestly when you go to their house, the TV has GB News on all day. When I go to their static caravan in Keswick, when I turn the freesat on it fires up on either GB News or it used to be TalkTV but has that fell over now? Anyway, it's no wonder she's fucking mental. She hates Starmer though ("he wants open borders!"), so she'll be dismayed by this news.

Yet we are oil bastards

I’d counter by reminding him what a huge supporter of the Tories Savile was. Not to mention his close relationship with Thatcher, who allowed him to spend Xmas at Chequers and lobbied for his knighthood, despite being warned about his behaviour

I still use piss up a rope, fuckstick much more often than I should

Always quite fancied his mum.

Too easy.

Rangers used to do that too when Murray owned them and they had the money - stopping development of Aberdeen/Hibs/Hearts etc by just buying their best players then leaving them yo rot.