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'ah was walking down Madison, (ah swear ah never had a gun) and ah saw a ninetayn ninetey Marco lads shirt. I shouted over 'Gerrin! FTM!' and the new yorka turned around and said, 'hey man, I hate the mags toooo but I loved the Netflix Sunderland till I die show, I watched all the seasons and bought this shirt on eBay, buddy." Then a cop on a horse who overheard clapped and give us a backa on his horse back to my hotel like Crocodile Dundee and we passed maceys and al that and a cafe where a lush lass was fayaking an orgasm or she'd seen my lads top, hard to tell, marra.'

“ Distain” - as in “ What’s distain on me shellsuit, la?”

Nah, troo story marra. He even has the photo to prove it.

If he doesn't want to play for us then fuck him. One of the universe's basic laws.

The equally funny alternative version of these fables is when someone is wearing a Sunderland top at JFK Airport/the Pyramids of Giza/Hanging Gardens of Babylon and they are accosted by people who tell them they saw STID and are now MLFs. Which is, of course, completely different because they are MASSIVE

Like how he’s just heard “6th Avenue” in a film or something and decided to set his tall tale there

They were headed to Backworth Club at the time.

i think the bloke in the green away kit just needs to thank his lucky stars he wasn't in rome and new york is lacking in replica gladiator swords.

You know when your armpit hair sometimes gets itself knotted and when you lift your arms up it tears itself out, making you squeal a bit? I hope that happens to Kuenssberg’s tatty minge every two hours.

Well said mate. Thankfully, a lot of folks are changing their thinking and it’s easier now , I find, to be open about mental health. I had a bad run-in with depression towards the end of lockdown, when a combination of several negative things got the better of me. I’m very lucky in that my lass has very good mental health training through her job, and we got sorted, but fuck me, it’s a horrible experience- the way it manifested in me was a total lack of emotions or feelings- no joy, no sadness, nothing. Thankfully, I’m just about back on top now. I’m a long drive home from finishing my first 4 days as a Class 1 artic driver. Started Wednesday at 6:30pm, drove down to near Dartford, dropped a trailer load, then head down for 9 hrs in the cab from 7:00am on Thursday. Picked a load up in Wisbech Thursday evening, brought back up north, head down for another 9hrs at home Friday morning, back in at 7:00pm yesterday drove down to Dartford, unloaded, and I’ve just picked up 25 tons of paper from near Sittingbourne. I’m now parked up, having a brew and a croissant then I’m having 9hrs off, driving back up north, timing it so I get back at 5 or 6:00 am tomorrow. ( I’ll find somewhere in Wykiki’s home county to dump the prozzies parts, so that’ll waste a bit time ). Then I’m off until Thursday.

I know Newcastle fans in New York & there’s also a fan club in New York. Although that story is made up.

Absolutely shameless.

This thread is LOL

I used to think some of the criticism of LK was ott but not now like. She's literally a tory schill. It's also clear from people like Maitlis she's been a big problem with the dire toon of travel in BBC political news. As much as I will take delight in her increasingly twisted gurning face on election night, I'll be watching C4.

By full, you mean 6 on each hand and foot? The lad who loaded me , I don’t think it was his day for the community teeth, either.

Wisbech! Did you see anyone with a full set of fingers, toes and teeth?

I know. Wasn't sure if he was talking a stain or former NUFC and Everton (?) player Sylvain Distin instead?

Hook, line and sinker.

It’s the details in these flights of fantasy that get me. “6th avenue” Do these cunts carry around a note pad

"He turned and looked but said nothing." These mags always saying fuck all when pulled, looking embarrassed or looking down at their feet The story's may get tweaked but the patter remains the same.

Sounds over-qualified.

Well there's always well grounded quality stuff like this from the BBC to counter the shite from the likes of the Athletic

They mentioned this phenomenon briefly on the News Agents last week. Basically it's a done deal for Labour and that makes for boring headlines for the next 5 weeks. The media are desperately trying to manufacture a bit of excitement out of the whole process, hence the mental takes we are currently seeing by the usual suspects

The poll tracker in the Guardian shows there’s been an uptick, from an already very strong position, for Labour and a slight uptick for the Tories too. They aren’t therefore, taking anything away from Labour but would appear to have taken a small percentage back from Reform. But, to repeat what I’ve previously said, there are no dramatic changes at all and there hasn’t been any for months and months. Obviously you’d expect the Telegraph to outright lie but Kuennsberg’s determination to change the narrative in the middle of an election campaign is a disgrace. Fortunately no one seems to pay her much heed

Looks like she's floundering on her sentences.

Tbh I think you've just turned into a bum. 👍

I don’t know many people who would actively look forward to going back to work after time off mate, you are probably worrying about your Mrs too.

Fish’s performance begs the question - what do they know of football, who only football know?

He failed to actually vomit on the bus? Even on the twisty bits just north of Leeds early on a Friday morning? That's disgraceful. I once vomited on the metro in Paris and 20 odd years later it's still one of my fondest memories.

The fact he hasn’t clocked he’s the prick in his made up story makes it even funnier. Why feel the need to prove how much of a mackem you are thousands of miles away from where anyone gives a fuck

Another Mag shirt story. Why aye.

Mackems are expecting Jordan Henderson to make the foray into management with them now, ignoring the fact he’s a mentally deficient chin dribbler.

I don’t know. This saga is pretty good

Europa Conference with Lens or relegation battle in the Championship with Sunderland. Tough choice

Will Still is a Geordie.

Cut to Brad's office:

Darren Eales, Newcastle United's CEO, said: "Brad is an exceptional operator" I know he's the Chief Operating Officer Darren, but howay. "He can operate with the best of them and that's why we've made him chief of all the operators. Let's operate!"

"Hello Big Angth, it'th me 'awy Kane, yeah obviouthly. Any chanth I can come back home to thpurth big Angth you flamin' galah? Hello?"

Has Eales appointed his replacement?