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He's become a meme on day 0 of the election campaign.

Who he thought he was. Who he actually was.

Seeing Wilson on the other side of the world seems to have put a spring in your step. Got a little attitude all of a sudden huh? Do you think your wife is finally going to give you a turn now? She wont. 🙅‍♀️ That 🐈 belong s to Callum

I remain undefeated in Newcastle matches attended in person. 100%

Commentator was just saying that the winning captain will be presented with a gold sleeveless denim jacket, in tribute to Australia's traditional dress.

Looks like the Glazers PR stunt of employing some British blowhard and his friends is working perfectly. The stadium and facilities continue to crumble, they have a fraud of a manager, a team of overrated, overpaid and past-it shit, a group of young "talents" that'll be clogging up mid-to-lower level PL teams in a few years, and meanwhile the supporters are happy to indulge in the media crafted distraction of getting riled up about not being allowed to just take someone else's contracted employee for free. They're a supporter base that deserves every last bit of suffering brought upon them by shit ownership. Do any of them stop to think that maybe Ashworth isn't worth the coin and perhaps they've been had given current circumstances? The cunt can't manage his emails. How's he going being the central hub of a wheel in his own life or whatever shit he likes to peddle out like a teenage boy who hasn't read the book for his homework? But Ratcliffe wants him so they're up and about. The more we learn about this dickhead the more it becomes clear that he's much better suited to a job at ManU. He's left a legitimate project for a mirage. He's as much a fool as their supporters. ManU's transformation into a bunch of small timers is remarkable for its pace. It's like having the best PL team ever right next door to them has done something to their collective psyche.

I was in there the other night. After the main course the waiter asked if we wanted dessert. I said: what do you call it where they pour an espresso over ice cream. He said: affogato. I replied: I can’t remember either

PS Dave would still rather have a pint with Klopp.

Lucas De Bolle is on. 🚨🚨🚨PADDOCKLAD HOME TOWN ANECDOTES KLAXON. BRACE POSITION! 🚨🚨🚨

No slide tackles. No Blasties.

"With Kings Cross reverberating by the time my train arrived in the capital Londoners looked shocked as chants of "Europe again, Europe again, Europe again, ole, ole" has the station shaking by its foundations. The crowds darted to move in different directions....." Over to Barry Davies..... ".....and the Knight is doing a filler bit for the Ronald Gill.....and it looks like..... Oh I say!!! He's even put a fans chant and lyrics in it!! That's magnificent, absolutely magnificent, AND after a few Moretti's after the match! Oh what a typical, typical Ryder report! Paragraphs of gibberish, hyperbole AND a sing-a-long! Just look at his face! Look at his face! [Chuckles]."

FFS. I’m so sick of this! It’s not state-sponsored murder, it’s state-organised murder. Dickheads.

This is such a fucking tragedy. Normal people left broke, imprisoned, with their reputation in tatters and relationships destroyed. Loads dying before they could clear their name. And they did absolutely nothing wrong. Not only that, the only reason the complicit cover up is being sorted now, years and years later is because there was a tv drama about it. Otherwise they’d still be a long way off justice. It genuinely makes me so sad and angry. This is what happens when everything gets privatised and free market capitalism runs riot

"For all stations to South Shields please change at the next station, Khashoggi was a grass."

Won’t someone please think of the Tory MPs?

Yes please. Let's get this plan into action.

Sky News now being forcibly removed from the Conservative campaign launch live on TV. This is going to be an absolute car crash of a campaign.

I'm sick of these inaccurate cultural stereotypes. It's not gold, it's stone wash blue and comes with nearly matching thigh length denim shorts.

Not seen those was transfixed by the Titiwanga

Dan Ashworth 'to argue he was SACKED by Newcastle' as he looks to force move to Man United... with arbitration hearing over his future to begin later this month | Daily Mail Online Ashworth's defence is that he believes he was sacked because he wasn't asked to put his resignation in writing . Surely, whilst he's on gardening leave he still receives his monthly salary, and is yet to receive a P45 which would be sufficient evidence to prove he has not, in fact been sacked.

Tripp needs to check in with the missus every half hour to prove he’s not balls deep in Aussie clunge.

A combination of getting caught rifling boilers in the vermont and getting tapped up by Bayern Munich plus a pretendy calf injury so he can attend marriage counselling.

And of course the genocide…

Do loads of surfer types still walk about in Australia with no shoes on? If so, wtf is that all about? We met up with some people who were relatives of someone my lass worked with in Manly and their mate tagged along with us to the fucking pub in bare feet. You wouldn’t do that in the Pig and Whistle

Serves them right tbh.

Is it too soon to say he reminds me of one of these bad boys from a 90s butlins gift shop?

Paid for their new trains under the condition that all metro and bus stop signage is changed to black and white.

GTFI. Do we win a trophy? Might make a stadium tour better value.

Can I opt for his first suggestion?

Whatever happens, Dan Ashworth is not having a good time at the minute, and that's just fine with me.

I'll just put it on now!

If it does get called for July 4th, as rumoured, they're absolutely playing into Count Binface's "Bindependence Day" hands.

Have that you jetlagged cockney cunts!

Bruno: Hello Senor Pep. Pep: I've just seen your post on twitter hinting at staying at Newcastle. We're willing to pay £100m for you in cash, and triple your wages, did you mean what you've alluded to? Bruno:

You shouldn't have made him Italian American.

Can I interest you in becoming a Eurovision fan?

Can this new shit with Ashworth be considered? As it's so fucking funny I'd like to revise my score to 11.5/10.

FFS, you can't even try to start a soft coup against your Prime Minister these days because of woke.

The absolute arrogance of these pricks.

@Howmanheyman Did you ghost write this? Was xpecting a "laters" at the end.

Erm

The best way to describe Ashworth is, he looks like he enjoys Rugby. Like he ended up using middle management speak to luck into a career in football, but would much rather be the fucker who was England rugby manager then ended up sporting director at Southampton for no fucking reason, then they got relegated. Clive fucking Woodward! That’s Dan Ashworth that. Bet he listens to Bob Mortimers campachuchu bloke and doesn’t see anything wrong.