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What does it look like above water?

I can do worse than that. They don't look so clever after 45 years

We're all bad parents doing the best we can! My dad let me watch Total Recall as a young kid which was a gore fest, and had a woman in it with three tits and I turned out fine, okay not fine, but okay - well not okay either tbh, but in short I'm a shit dad. What were we talking about again?

It is but tv in general was desperate for a shakeup and some diversity. If you watch almost anything pre-George Floyd’s murder / #MeToo then it can be quite jolting just how lacking in diversity shows were. Like panel shows where one woman, maybe one person of colour or someone with a non-British accent (just one of those, not all 3) were on. That would be on a relatively ‘woke’ programme too. It was also good to see the likes of Lawrenson being fucked off. He went from being good to going on like he’d been asked to identify a body in terms of his personality and enthusiasm on 5Live, etc. Ditto Alan fucking Green.

Glory hunters, want to be associated with the glamour games. Didn’t see them at the Baseball Ground in 92 did we?

The Babadook!

We need Brian Moore from the rugby to come in and commentate... Totally unbiased

MF said it’s a fella so that rules me out. Sounds more like @Dougle

Don’t underestimate the influence of the Sholinator.

As it's nearly Christmas, let's embrace the spirit of this old broon ale advert.

Guaranteed the lad had his tongue sticking out as he was drawing it.

we've already got renton. don't need anymore fannies on the board

I’ve learned more about the actual tactics being played out in front of me on the screen from Emma Hayes than maybe any other pundit ever. That’s from about two/three England games I’ve seen her do. Others that explained things simply and clearly were Terry Venables and Jack Charlton when they were on the circuit. The rest are to varying degrees ok to fuckin awful but I’ll quite often turn the sound down if it’s Savage or Ferdinand or Owen. Put some music on that’s not too distracting and make your own fuckin minds up about what’s happening

Quite enjoying the thread wars

Aye McCoist is great. Of all the current commentators and pundits he's my favourite. He never takes favourites, and basically passes on the information of what he's seeing in a way that any normal fan of the game would. I think Neville is the better of Sky pundit/commentators as he can put his personal feelings aside and talk about what he's witnessing. Carragher is the complete opposite. However, I do like those two together in the studio. Keane is a fucking dickhead, but it's funny watching his outbursts whenever he's on pundit duties for Man Utd, plus him and Micah Richards have been an interesting pairing as Richards is clearly a wind up merchant, and loves to get under Keane's skin during games.

My last season ticket was in the platinum club (it was my brothers, who decided to boycott Ashley a lot sooner than me! ) so I always had a nice warm bar to go and stand in, and the queues for the bogs were a bit smaller so I'd always manage to get a quick piss in and then a pint. On occasion I'd see the tail end of some fat cunt tripping over his own feet and the bloke on the mic offering commiserations. I'd rather have witnessed a stoning tbh.

Gavin Peacock is completely wrong and I'm a Christian but then again I'm not grifting We need better punditry full stop, whether that's male, female or moose.

It would have been interesting watching some flip flop on Sunday. Starting off waving their wangers around in the sausage thread only to shit the bed and move over the to the dark cloud thread at half time.

This is how it begins. I will not stand by while sossige apartheid rears its ugly head. I’m Cumberland and proud.

I think someone mentioned it earlier but it should be split into bed wetters and sausages. One can be a thread of hope and positivity. The other can be full of misery, negativity and suggestions we should sell Miggy when he misplaces a pass.

Those who have criticised female commentators have gone down the worm hole unfortunately in trying to be polite about the ones they're referring to. What they should have said is some of the women who are commentating on the football are shit and have been put there to appease a section of society so can we have some more women who are good at it. I've heard a couple of decent female commentators and there's a couple of decent pundits, including Jill Scott (excusing she's one of the unwashed) but there's a whole bunch of blokes who are equally shit at it and only got the gig because of their ex player status.

More of it in England, I say

What happens when the AI loses us a game though?

The Orcs pissing their knickers in case we get the full allocation. Ready to Groom, the gift that keeps on giving

Much like our erstwhile football team, we here at TT Towers are having a personnel crisis. Andrew is now essentially nocturnal, he only comes out with his fellow hobbits to talk about second-breakfast and potatoes. Tom has been churning out some very niche grumble movies in Holland, involving Grannies, Guinea Pigs, and Granola. He’s been pretending to be on tour with “his band”, but WE’VE ALL SEEN THE VIDEOS TOM! ( well… I have). Meenzer, as evidenced by his response above, has fully embraced nihilism, chaos, and curtain twitching since moving to the ‘burbs. If you can drag him away from the Residents Group on Facebook where he’s conducting a campaign against THAT BITCH from no. 42 and her incontinent Pomeranian, you’re doing well. Rayvin now lives in a cave in the Outer Hebrides, burning wicker figurines of Starmer and apologising to passing sheep. If it wasn’t for my technological genius and wizardry keeping this place in its feet, we’d be Parsnipping every other post. 5-0. Double hatrick from Cabaye and Tiote.

I got my sex sossidge done not long after I met Mrs. F. I showed her and she said “ Why does it say ‘Way’?” I said “ Give it a minute, it’s ‘ Welcome to Newcastle upon Tyne, have a nice day’ “

no mate, just walked in with a screwdriver and announced to the landlord I'm having these. just shrugged and said, aye ok. me mate borrowed the screwdriver and had the johnny machine off the bog wall and walked out with it on his shoulder can still picture it now!

You can be as silver-tongued as you like, he’s not going to give it to you

Used to be this fella smoking a cigarette and strutting his stuff. These days. Not so much

ether, ayahuasca, pcp, smack, crack - the lot all at once

Who the fuck is NUEG?

there aren't many things that scare me as much as the prospect of a long, slow decline towards death, losing faculties and being a burden to my kids. i'm going to get a massive stash of all the drugs i was too scared to ever try and go out in style long before i get to that point

Love Brian Moore. He’s an even bigger Yorkshire bastard than Wykiki

"I'd like you to use ALL of Roger's Profanisaurus in a sentence" Stelrad: "Nee bosh"

Not the best week for our lads on loan Harrison Ashby: Still out injured, can find zero info on what the injury exactly is and how long he'll be out, wonder if this is just a smokescreen and has to do with his game time🤔 In order news, word is that Scotland are looking to cap him, apparently he is eligible through his grandparents. Garang Kuol: Volendam only had 1 game this week, a loss against Feyenoord, Kuol unfortunately played no part in it, unused sub. Yankuba Minteh: Feyenoord got themselves back to winning ways this week, however, Minteh unfortunately dropped a mid game this week against Kuols team. Looking at the stats, never really got going attacking wise and got subbed off at 66 minutes. Pretty barren week eh? Lets it fill up by seeing what Rodrigo Vilca is up to. Currently playing for FK Voždovac in Serbias top flight who are sitting smack bam right in the middle of the league in 8th. Out of the 17 games he's been available, he has a total of 6 appearances, 1 start. Averaging 30 minutes per game.... No goals or assists... Zero footage available I dont think he's going to make it @ewerk

I couldn't understand how lawrenson lasted as long when he sounded so bored and sick of his life just being where he was?

Keep things even?

First ever CL game for me. Also, probably last ever CL game for me. As a new fan, can anyone tell me which one is the surgeon hall exhibition Newcastle brown ale west stand, please?

If Zathras wins this, it sets a new precedent for the match thread starter to also get a new tattoo. We'll all be looking cool as fuck by the end of the season.

I did ask if I was allowed to tell him not to complain if I was sat at home on a chaise longue rather than an armchair but he didn't reply.

Maybe he should stay at home, the fucking Jonah It always makes me laugh when people want a medal or something for what is essential pursuing a hobby in their spare time

“Last surviving megafauna”….. Dave goes all Attenborough on us, he’s probably sat at his iMac now, wearing a safari suit and a Panama hat ☺️

You seen Renton’s gaff? Not even a successful gambling habit would raise enough for the heating and window cleaning bills…