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"Get international commentators to actually sing songs about our players when we score. Don't do it for Sunderland though."

In a shock twist, a certain doctor previously known for his hoverboard prowess and DJing skills has emerged as Toontastic's new stats guru. His CV boasted about years of experience moderating internet message boards but the board's resident stat man Fish's reputation is in tatters after a succession of botched number crunching. "Accuracy is a prerequisite. We don't insist on being first, but we do insist on being right", said a furious so-called accountant. A veteran contributor based on the South Coast blamed the mistakes on the news that Fish's wife is expecting a new baby. "Next thing you know, he'll be kissing his club badge", he complained.

I was so happy I eight the mrs arse out afterwards.

we've both played non english teams this week. newcastle got a credible draw away at ac milan's san siro stadium. sunderland got beat a home off cardiff city. but aye, they'd leave us reeling every time. stupid mackem cunt.

So he comes back into the side and it’s two wins, a point in the SS and 3 clean sheets in 8 days. Is this a coincidence?… I rather think not

There's more. Almiron scored in the 68th minutre. Isak scored in the 87th minute. B Guimares: B looks like an 8 8otman scored in the 35th minute: 3+5=8. Dan 8urn has approximately 8 fingers.

and to think we have put up with the likes of dreary old peter drury man

I've spent forty odd years watching these cunts on the TV all the time and a fleeting bit of NUFC coverage has them twisting like fuck. The self entitlement of these and man U fans is off the scale and some of the same cunts moaning probably aren't self aware enough to realise they probably started supporting them based on them winning a few games and never being off the box. They even have their own designated fucking pundits when they play! The fucking brass neck on them.

Aye. Liverpool are universally despised by practically every non-Liverpool fan and that sense of entitlement is exactly the reason why. Well, one of many reasons

Start with your best team I say and worry about the rest later. Continue the form, let the bed wetter stink of piss, the spreadsheet boy excel, the G-Dog help the P-Dog with his white wee wee and in Eddie we trust, onwards and upwards.

If I see a busty but ugly lass I refer to her as an Eight, as that’s the number of “tits on a pig”. Coincidence?

Makes you think.

What a tit

don't forget the blatant pen that VAR ignored because we were already three up and we're not a side which wears red from the north west

Wonder what it could be about (HE'S BLACK) Callum Wilson that they've taken against him for?

My phone automatically flips to landscape view whenever Jenas’ forehead appears on screen.

Idk how you're resisting the urge tbh, whenever I maintain this sort of shit the second any new data point comes in I have to update it, followed by excitedly staring at it for a bit. Then I undo it and allow myself to relive the moment. I wish I was joking.

Mods, MODS !!! Someone has hacked Gemmill, there's a trace of humility in that post.

Fucking buzzing still. Sheff Utd were dog shit. But how much of that is down to how we played? We passed with pace, kept the ball moving quickly and players like AG10 and Longy were superb. The way Longy and Anderson moved in midfield gave Bruno acres of space because Sheff Utd were too bothered about the others moving. I'm having two walls demo'd at home today and I've gone from shitting my pants to not giving a fuck as I'm buzzing 🤣

This wasn't a deliverable, this was a bonus, a boon, a treat. You best not get things twisted.

It's fucking amateur hour over there.

I hate those plastic toddler cunts already.

Love this, Liverpool fans losing their heads. No football didn’t begin in 1992 but the post very clearly defines they’re talking about the Premier League.

Nketiah Lunge Disregarded

Did someone say great knockers?

Was made funnier by a conversation on here / whichever iteration of the message board it was. Where Gemmill and I and possibly others were going on about how shit the NUFC ‘leisurewear’ in the club shop was. Only for you to be wearing a club polo shirt or whatever in The Trent about two days later.

Still makes me smile that; Longstaff Anderson Burn Murphy Hall Dummett Miley Gillespie all grew up supporting the club, and are playing their part in our current success

Can I just draw attention to the thread title- “ Generic NUFC “CHAT” not “ Generic NUFC STAT”.

Liverpool fans know what’s coming don’t they? They’ve seen it with chelsea & man city

Pretty sure it was a certain Mr Simon Williamson in the book. I couldn't find the exact quote but did come across Matthew 6:36 - "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself." If it's good enough for God it's good enough for us. 👍

The kid singing is the one that flicked Renton's ears.

Sheffield were shocking. Not just the system, but the application too. 5 at the back, but left huge gaps between midfield and the back line. We always looked like we had a spare man. But we were ruthless, our set pieces were excellent, Botman and Schar were excellent as was Trippier. They were shit, we were very good.

'Ah'd fucking knock'im oot' 'Ah'd shag the arse off her.' 'wey'd fucking hammer the mags.' There's definitely a pattern here.

Fuck's sake 👍🙂

straight red and leg breaker if the studs which are up make contact. Should be a straight red anyway because he only just missed him. It’s reckless, dangerous play, or whatever the fuck they call it three days. if that’s Gordon, or any of our players tbh, they’re getting their marching orders

Agreed. PaddockLad yet again disgracing himself on the biggest stage of all.

Chelsea v Villa looked a fucking brutal game on paper, and ended up being so who the fuck was hoping to watch that like? I know this will shock them but many people (me included) have fucking no real desire to watch Liverpool more than watch any other side, stupid arrogant cunts.

They must be sick as fuck tonight, like.