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He grabbed the arm of a bird I planned to give a shag to and asserted she belonged to him in Jonny Ringos, 2003. This was widely reported on at the time in my head. A doorman threw him out and me and her blossomed until I tried to shag her sister cos she had bigger tits. Even her mam was worth one. Household was a proper treasure trove.

Tell you who showed what he's worth. Botman. The kid just oozes class.

It's about time you antipideans stood up and apologised for Murdoch iyam. Not a single person has fucked the UK over more than this cunt, and I'm including Thatcher and Johnson in that list. Apologise. NOW. Oh, and you say sorry for Rolf Harris whole you're at it., and John Torode.

5-0 to us obvs.

You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and need a simple piss but then your arse decides it wants a shite, whilst you are trying not to wake up properly. Then the shite takes real effort to release. And it’s a baboon’s arse job because you’ve forced it a bit. And then, for fucks sake, it takes a whole bog roll to wipe your baboons pucker clean. Then you get back to fucking bed and your lass tells you off for waking her up. By this time you are fully awake and your kindle has no battery.

Something still doesn't look right, the team isn't pressing the way they did last season. Many of you said Gordon had a great game, yes there was lots of tireless running and he did well to earn the pen but his final ball and a lot of the time he seems to be on his heels when he should be anticipating things. Though Barnes also had a touch of the Miggy's today with wanting to constantly come inside on his favoured foot. Burn got caught out early but after the first 20 minutes he had their right wing under control. Bruno's was more like his old self and Longy made a huge difference. I think with Bruno and Longstaff on the pitch, we probably would have got more out of Miggy today than Gordon but who knows. The thing for me about the overturned penalty is the referee has blown straight away and we had possession and yet he restarts it by giving an uncontested drop ball to their keeper - forgetting all the was it, should it, why the fuck does the team with possession lose the ball in that circumstance? Three points is three points, so onwards, they just need to get this nervous shite out of their game, too many aimless or hit and hope balls being played atm.

Another win to us in goals and shithousery stakes - when in Milan!

The whole dynamic of the back four just isn't the same when he's out.

https://x.com/jordancronin_/status/1703176686764749299?s=46&t=ytLiTTx5wmuNZJztyLjiJg This bloke is a right cunt like . His team time wasted like fuck every goal kick and throw in, I understood it was part of their set up and wasn’t complaining but don’t then complain when you feel the game isn’t fast enough when you go behind. Far too many managers like this now imo, Klopp, Ten Hag, Frank, etc that will blame everything and everyone when things don’t go their way. You come up against a better side, set up for a draw and lost.

Not as good as his Cliff Richard 🤣🤣🤣 @sammynb I simultaneously didn’t have you down as a Cliff aficionado but somehow I think you’ve had that little couplet ready since the draw was made

Thank fuck for that, guaranteed Wilson up top, Isak on the left, Miggy on the right, now. You and predictions young Scotty, like jam and herpes, they go so well together.

Lots of seagulls around St. Abbs.… … just saying.

That’s just fucking weird man. So a story about a bloke on a shit holiday that heard someone’s next door neighbor is a mackem. Not sure if it’s sadder if he made it up, or if it actually happened and he thought it was something profound. I do like that he adds that he goes to St Abbs a lot, maybe that’s to add credibility? Or is it staking a claim to the place on behalf of mackems?

The SMB is increasingly bizarre, full of threads about territory and MLFs living everywhere. This is from a whole thread on MLFs living in Alnmouth of all places, as discussed it's apparently heroic for MLFs to come from Northumberland but county Durham Mags are vermin for some reason. Anyway, this has to be one of the most needy posts of all time. Wifey in St Abbs visitor centre has a neighbour who is an MLF, man in St Abbs harbour is a a Glasgow rangers fan but has a colleague who is a MLF, and a Sunderland top was spotted on a washing line in Alnmouth. Crikey.

They said fuck all. They're not a happy bunch and need putting out of their misery tbh. They could end up enjoying themselves in the long run but could also become a Sunderland. (They're already like them in so many ways especially just before they eventually were flushed).

It’s mint tbh. The more whining fuckers like these the better, as it means we’re getting under their thin skin.

He's a boring cunt. Imagine a night with him and Gareth Southgate?

I think his move to the lunatic fringe was entirely driven by money. If you look at the rag tag collection of random media types all jumping on it can only be money. Create a bit of profile (he obvs didn’t need to do this) say the right things and Tufton Street will very likely pay you 🤷🏻‍♂️ He might run into trouble with venues for his tours. That’s maybe the real reason he’s done it, he’s probably raking it in already so if he loses his tour income he’s got this back up already in place. You’d imagine that a cynical, narcissistic manipulator and exploiter will be a couple of steps ahead.

Unless we’re signing him as a baby sitter for Bruno’s kid. That would make sense.

And Wilock, Joe and Joe's understanding of each other is a thing of footballing beauty.

I think people are underestimating Joelintons contribution last year. He was responsible for about 50% of the press and was seemingly tireless. For me there isn’t a more important player, a fit Joelinton is first on the team sheet and works in synergy with Bruno and Longstaff.

Auf Weiders reference

Was young once

Tonali for Anderson, Isak for Wilson. That's what I reckon Howe will do. I think Barnes and Gordon will keep their places and I think Wilson will be very unlucky to lose his.

Watched the Brand thing this morning. I'm 99% sure there was a mistake at the end where they referred to the person who had been known as "Alice" throughout the show, as Hannah. Which presumably is her real name. Anyway, sounds like he was a real fucking prick, and that the entire industry turned a blind eye to it. To the point where, if you were Brand, you would be mistaken for assuming that it was allowed. Which isn't an excuse for his behaviour BTW.

That was Bellar's biggest problem, you never knew if he was actually going to score or be wide of the mark, sounds like he missed a hat-trick here.

I dunno about hatchet job. That type of male behaviour needs to be called out but here it's too little to late. Brand is just another in a long line of gullible shitheads in a desperate and dying male-dominated industry. Not excusing him, opportunist pricks like him are ten a penny but it's the cunts who encouraged and enabled his predatory behaviour that really need to be named and shamed.

Today wasn't the best showing from either side. We were nervous in possession, sloppy, and lacked creativity compared with most of least season. Brentford wasted the few chances they had. Not all matches in the Premier league are great, although our last 2 home games were good adverts for the game even if we were sucker punched by Liverpool. But listen to this Mackem knacker. The Northern League is faster apparently, and the players show more effort. Guess he was gutted the Mackems didn't go down a few more tiers. Top of the Northern league division 1 is Shildon currently. I honestly don't even know where that is.

Park rules when I was a kid was hits your arm/hand it's handball. Take all the subjective natural position, makes your body bigger, too close to react shit out of it. Hits your arm by accident- tough shit- pen. Can't get your arm out the way - unlucky! - pen. There you go - problem solved

This is why I say it was a pen btw. As last season we were told by the whole media that Burn had his arm in an unnatural position as it was high, it blocked a chance etc. now I’m hearing similar voices in the press saying it would have been harsh. Either stick to the rule or fix the rule, increasingly growing bored of the inconsistency and poor standards.

Now, I heard these allegations were against a “well-loved” comedian so I think someone else must be getting targeted in a bit

Plus they have a massively expensive new stadium to pay for.

I walked across a pedestrian crossing once in Bristol, which was black and white stripes. Bristol Mags reprezent!!!

Their fans were just generically booing throughout the game when it wasn't silent and I don't even think they knew what they were booing for? It's got so bad for them every year now I'd be tempted to gamble on relegation and years of wilderness in the championship just in case they had a great promotion year and some fun pissing the league.

What’s equally baffling is that the bloke is paid to write words that people then read. His second sentence is so unintelligible it made my teeth itch.

They play inter every year, it'll be the first time most of them have played against Newcastle United and the famous black and white stripes. It's bound to have distracted them.

Inter have an extra day's preparation, I wonder if Milan's thoughts were more focused on us rather than a derby as daft as that sounds and they rested a few? I think inter have their number as well.

"Bournemouth v Chelsea, Alan 'Nightnurse' Smith alongside me on the sleepy south coast......Aaaaand it's dead."

Lack of consistency has been a thing for decades. The only consistent thing is the Top 6 getting the decisions

Brand went from far left to far right, a good example of the political horseshoe and arguably proves how dangerous it is to be semi literate within politics and to then use that position to take an extreme stance. See also Glen Greenwald. Brand sounds like a total cunt, some of the allegations are awful to read, but I'm not sure what this does other than cement him as someone firmly in the Musk/Tate/Poole camp. Which will draw more people to him.

Or the meaning of complicated words like ‘faster’

Please go to sleep you boring bastard

Champions League still hasn’t sunk in and probably won’t until we’re walking out on Tuesday

So he’ll be starting on Tuesday night.

If it weren’t for his incompetence then Wilson would have a hatrick and Wyki would be pulling this out of the bedside drawer.

Pelanty?

I'll say this for VAR. One of my new favourite things to do is get a goal notification for a team I hate, followed by a score correction notification when it's disallowed, and then flick over to that match to watch the suffering. It's what VAR and horribly delayed streams were made for.

I haven’t got over Hughie Gallagher going to Chelsea.

'everyone'? Howay now! I've told you a million times not to exaggerate, Ayatollah!