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I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest.

Noticed that one myself

North East Top Dogs Trophy Friendly Cup Champions League Premier League Europa League FA Cup League Cup Europa Conference Club World Cup European Super Cup Charity Shield

Alternative- "Howmanheymana'veshitmeself". HMHM, loperamide (diocalm) is your saviour. Less than a quid for 6 down the B&M in the forum. 👍

So, technically, you haven’t shit the bed but you have shit the bedroom wall? Cock-eyed Mala would be proud.

Luckily the wife's into new age art so I'm in the good books.

Aye, they could be restricted to another £200m.

You should have been sued for waste of NHS resources. Nobody ever died of a broken fart.

Remember feeling a pain in my gut on the bus home from school. Got worse as I walked home, was bent double by the time I got to my neighbours who was in his garden, he helped me inside the house. Mam very quickly diagnosed a burst appendix and called the Ambulance. Got loaded into the back and just as we went over a speed bump I ripped the biggest fart I've managed to this day. Mortifying. Still had to go to the hospital "just to be sure". Convinced that it was just so the paramedics could point me out to the nurses and have a good fucking laugh.

Go on Fab, son.

There are different prices for different clubs don't you know. New money clubs pay a levy that the history clubs aren't subject to. I count us, you and chelsea in the new money clubs and the 2 cheeks of the same red arse as the history clubs.

Pleased I've eased your pain with my own medical trauma, and indeed, art.

Completely forgot it was last night tbh. Canny for West Ham. Don’t really mind them in the grand scheme of things. We’d have been over the moon. Also worth it for the Weirdside seethe

Something to moan about, isn't it?

If anyone is struggling with this result a bit, get yourself over to RTG. They are fucking beside themselves. Moyes has just proven that their club was shit, and not him

Messi signs for Miami to fulfill his dream of playing with DeAndre Yedlin. He didn't blame him.

Cheers. Looks like I'm getting 9 months salary Inc 3 months notice, so not too shabby. I'm going to be well pissed off if I have actually work my notice. Going to need a couple of days to actually process everything but it might actually work out ok

I don't see any team outside of England with the financial capacity to sign Rice. Only to Bayern Munich. And I don't know if they need it (maybe they do, if Kimmich comes out). PSG in the same way. Real Madrid have just signed Bellingham, they have two youngsters like Tchouameni and Camavinga, as well as Valverde, for the future, and they still have MOdric and Kroos. It's not Barcelona's style, I think. And they have Kimmich, Zubimendi and Gundogan as options (if they can afford it). So, I think Rice's options are to go to Manchester City (surely, if Gundogan leaves, it can be an option and fight for a position with Kalvin Phillips). Manchester United (I don't think they want to sign him because they already have Casemiro as indisputable). Arsenal (Who seems to have Caicedo as a priority to replace Xhaka). Chelsea (who need a player like that, now that Ugarte has rejected them and has gone to PSG). Liverpool (They could try, to rebuild the midfield, but I think they are still going to trust Fabinho and the boy they have from the Academy, Bajcetic) Us.

They are a Sunderland 18/19 year old tbh

I’m also creased at HMHM projectile shitting all over the bedroom wall The smell alone must have been fantastic. Mind, I once had a really bad pain in my gut so rushed to the chod bin and was disappointed that it was only a massive fart. Decided to check anyway and the pan looked like the battle of the Somme. To this day, I don’t know how I didn’t feel it flying out but the fart must have propelled it out at some pace

This on the back:

You do know that's not Maxi he's marrying?

"Our branch" Two men and a dog, and the dog's not there by choice

Or that the title of "kit historian" can be procured through the ability to say "this stripey shirt look like that stripey shirt!"

I'm fucking creased at that Absolutely creased

We need a “Dulux” colour name, and an actual colour name tbh. Dulux- “ Home Baked Biscuit “ Actual- “ Shitewater”.

It's such a subjective and arbitrary idea that it's pointless to debate it. Nice to see they won something this season though.

Trivia boy Alex will like this one: West Ham are the first team in English football ever to win more games in Europe than they did in their domestic league. 12 in Europe, 11 in the PL.

Mrs. Tapir is like …

That's more like it. Get in there, Northern Echo!

how about "feeling juicy"

i'm sure your colleagues are chuffed you made the effort to come in and infect them

"Involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark". Modern day Shakespeare. Thanks for the laugh, hope your.. shit.. gets sorted soon!

Allardyce bog buster level I'd guess?

We let him go because at his age he needs to play. We often do that but throw in buyback and sell on clauses. I believe most City fans are of the view that he's not good enough for us or that there isn't a spot for him. I think that when Pep sees something in a player he promotes to the first team squad to see if they can make the next step (Foden, Cole Palmer, Rico Lewis), he doesn't let them leave(we had no choice with Jaden Sancho as he was impatient to play) Lavia got a couple of cup appearances and, for me, didn't impress. Some blues would argue that he's better that Kalvin Phillips ( i'm firmly in the give KP time camp. injuries and learning peps way ). Either way KP is in his way. He does have a cool name mind.

Well, well, well, I've just uncovered @RobinRobin is in fact a MLF and is just here to infiltrate us and for the free gifs of course.

Good on you for making a stand… … A STAND!!!!

You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous. Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy.

It's our new bedroom feature called 'Dirty Protest'.

The lovely Alabama has her lovely arse near the fender ironically.

The sleeve, man. I know a certain fan base who are going to go into an official government warning meltdown when the coverage of our game starts and the CL mewsic starts playing along with some hyperbole about the fans from the commetayata.

Breivik

Sayum Feyendeyer