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Oh fuck right off. Isak is mental. That is insane. He's beat that poor cunt three times in the space of a phonebooth.

So despite “not playing well”, having the shit kicked out of us, getting no decisions all night. We have dished out another dry bumming. Good season this.

Fuckin brilliant. Anyway. Is this the match that @Gemmill has finally got the hang of this Everon lark?

I’m guessing sticking Howay’s post on the dressing room wall didn’t work

Bruno, Joe and Willockinho to be Brazil's starting midfield at the next WC, nailed on

He can’t ignore Gemmill’s DMs.

FAIR

Bandits at 2 o’clock- annihilation expected. 10-0.

So, I had to leave my TV on 58 minutes to go and collect my son from cadets. Some people would be really bitter and twisted about missing the remaining 4 goals. I am one of those people.

"Leave" seems like decent advice tbh

It’s highly unlikely. I’m trying to stay rational. The next two games feel massive and if we get two wins we’re pretty much guaranteed top 4. I do hear what everyone is saying though. Liverpool have been out of sorts this season but are one of the few sides with the players and manager capable of putting together that kind of winning run. They have done it in recent seasons, their run-in is kind they look better since Trent has started playing in midfield. Plus we’re Newcastle fans. We’re not used to things going right. It’s going to take a while to lose that mindset.

Can’t see nothing but a defeat. Soz.

If you’d asked me before the season started, “ Which sides changing rooms look like a derelict office from the 1980s?” I’d have said “Everton”.

I don't recall ever seeing Henry do what Isak did tonight, we've signed someone very very special.

Is Isak a cheat code?

Pickford would have saved that if he was allowed to hold two wooden spoons to make up for his short arms.

Isak coming on to bum them unconscious.

Now I’d bring Gordon on

Mackem porn. Reported.

I've got no problem with you coming up with a sequence of increasingly unlikely situations that would see us miss out on Champions League football. I'm just suggesting that the improbably calamities that you predict for us can just as easily befall the other teams. What if Liverpool win every game, and Bruno and Schar miss the rest of the season, and Isak is abducted by Somali pirates, and Joelinton turns into a moss covered rock, and we get a points deduction for Schar being too handsome, and every other team gets a points bonus because they're all best friends with Sunderland and we're not.

12-1

If I was on a pundit panel with Owen, I'd insist on relentlessly calling him "Squirt". "That's right, squirt." "I agree with squirt."

Owen "I know full well when the momentum's going for you up in Newcastle, it's hard to stop it". You captained us to relegation and fucked off.

Spuds have just equalised

Everton fans talk about being loyal? The ground must be 2/3 empty. They were beaten tonight but their team did give 100% effort. They deserve relegation.

If Gordon scores this place might just go nuclear. The ten fans left will make a racket audible from...er, well, down the road or so.

Gordon coming on. The Everton supporters will be disappointed they missed it.

Pickford has bought a pub- he’s calling it the Thalidomide Arms.

CT's bladder should be no concern of yours.

Who was on here saying Onana won't be playing? Not Gemmill as its unlike him to be wrong about Everton.

☝️☝️****** Mackem like behaviour Klaxxon ****** ☝️☝️

So you're saying even the stats nerds are saying there's a 13% chance we won't?

Gemmill's default setting (extreme over confidence in all things) is somewhat of a concern, what he says rarely comes to pass, he's like the Anti-Private Fraser. I want Spuds to win tonight, I want 3rd and Spuds ain't reeling us in.

Make a deal with Everton. We'll play Malfoy only if Rex plays.

Not worth the risk. Keep him on the bench and wheel hi out only if there's is a tactical reason to or we are winning comfortably (for the lols).

mysterious illness that lasts the rest of the season

Just slot Lascelles in. He’ll not want to disrupt too much of the back four and Botman and Burn are both left footers. Lascelles with Trippier next to him, keeping him right, will do fine. He was away to Man City tbh

Too busy raping folk, I would imagine.

Beautiful goal. Willock is playing so well lately. It's unreal. Joelinton too. They've both been superb.

We keep pissing about with the ball in dangerous areas

A sparrowhawk killed a magpie in my garden yesterday. This is the guilty culprit, if you look hard enough you can see FTM tatooed on his wing feathers.

If Schar is out what would you do? IMO Targett at LB and Burn in at CB. Would rather have that than Lascelles in.

I think everyone raised a few eyebrows when Longstaff got that new deal but fair fucks to him for showing his talent and fair fucks to Howe and the lads for seeing it in him. Just goes to show that the wrong manager can completely destroy someone’s career in no time at all