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What an absolutely ridiculous performance and result this is. I literally couldn't believe me eyes as they goals kept going on. Insane stuff from the lads. What I really came on to say though was before anyone claims to be the lucky charm (not having read most of the thread) , it was me. I was on a flight to Mecca (holy pilgrimage no less) and caught the game at the end of a 12 hour flight. An unreal first 20 minutes, made completely surreal on a flight. There were a few stares from nearby passengers as I struggled to keep my voice down. Anyway the point is, you all know who to buy a ticket the next time you feel like another one of these games.

I can understand why so much focus has been on just how bad Spurs were in those first 20 minutes. They were utterly abject, that first 21 minutes was the worst performance I've seen from an opposition, I think. Not just their disorganisation, their impotence but they played with no intensity, no pashun. When Arsenal went 2-0 down to Southampton Zinchenko dragged them all into a huddle and basically bollocked them into a performance. Nobody on the Spurs team did anything but mutely and meekly look around for someone else to lead them. They all passed the buck, they all shirked responsibility, 20yr old kids, World class players, World Cup winners, experienced pros all of them bottled it. Remember when we were going down and Jamall Lascelles was furious with our performance against Everton in 2016? Where was that in this Spurs team? Sure there were some dirty tackles peppered throughout, but that wasn't anger, it was petulance. Most teams in the league could have beaten Spurs if they put on that shitshow, but few would have done it so ruthlessly, so brutally. 5-0 after 20 minutes, and it could have been more. Joe Willock skying one, Longstaff's going just past the post, Burn's goal-bound header blocked by his own player, Gordon lifts his shot an inch or two and it's in. It could have been much, much worse for them because it was us. Fans and players were up for it from the off. That atmosphere would have given any team pause, let alone one who clearly had no idea. Bruno ran the show even though he was targeted by the stroppy tackles, Joelinton was imperious, Willock and Isak were clearly both in the mood and Murphy, bless his heart was finally getting some reward for his tireless efforts so far. So, sure, most teams would have beaten Spurs that day, but few could have stopped that Newcastle United.

"My god! I've found it. I've finally found it!"

Could well see him at Man United tbh. The Man City train has left with them getting Haaland and nobody else will pay/can afford what it’s going to get Levy to sell him. He’ll want to stay in England to break Shearer’s record, I reckon. And the fact he’s barely mastered his mother tongue makes learning another language almost impossible, you’d think

Some nice poems from Tim Key to relax wykiki. One from the covid times...

At least he came out to face the music at the end and looked absolutely gutted. Kane will have been doing a jigsaw with his dribble bib on asking for a round of applause when he could finally see postman pat when completed.

Fist Jnr is currently going through a minor rebel stage, and went to get his hair cut at one of the several hundred Turkish barbers in Forest Hall. I’ve had his fucking life since about 5pm last night when he came in, calling him King Henry

Morning, Mr. Ryder.

Honestly, the Athletic journalists wear cardigans with leather elbow patches, have double barreled surnames, and avoid walking near fields or parks in case a stray footy lands near them and the group playing yell over for them to kick the ball back. Absolute bunch of Hooray Henry cunts. That Tamara Parker-Bowles Pitt-Brooke cunt fits the bill for them, guarantee he toe pokes every ball he goes near the wet wipe.

He's interviewed on the Ben Foster podcast and they ask him which teammate he'd want to be on a quiz team with. Properly struggles to come up with an answer "Must have been a few dropped out of school early", "Not a lot of outside careers there" then lumps for Dan Burn because "he owns a Kindle" Good listen to be fair.

*Watches your next opponent score 5 goals in 21 minutes* ”If we just tackle our ex-player who won’t get on until 65 minutes, we will win this game handily” Much like the Mackems, these knackers are never ever focused on the right things.

Oh fuck. Wykiki's fallen off the wagon and back on the talk sport 🙁

Subtitle update

"1.21 xG after 8 mins lads, we're on for the record"

If I was him I'd go to Manchester United. Break the record, win trophies, could be around the home fans without needing to move house. Would have to learnt he language though.

Kane scored one and nearly scored another in a game where his team were dominated from the first kick and created very little. I wouldn’t be advocating us signing him because I think he’d still cost an absolute fortune and we’re in a phase where we need to add depth to a number of areas. Not that I think he’d come here anyway. But he’s easily the best player Spurs have and miles from being the problem there.

He also looks like a fucking Spaniel

I love this

This thread has taken a tern for the worst

He’s on about the current Sunderland team 👍🏻

yup, i'm still trawling for content from sunday's game and i just found this beaut

My telly's bigger than yours. Pity it's unbranded and looks like it came from the middle aisle of Aldi. Fanks Mike.

I'm voting for Murphy for player of the season if such a vote exists. His fucking face when he scored the third is one of my favourite ever football moments

Shearer did that for about 2 years at the end of his career. When the club was going to shit and his only concern was it being all about him and getting the goal scoring record

Listening to TalkSport last night and all the Spurs fans calling in and all the pundits etc are all saying how there is nobody on that pitch taking control and leadership. There is the current ENGLAND CAPTAIN on the fucking pitch. Did anyone say anything about that? No because they cannot be seen to criticise the absolute dribbling cunt

I see Howay is famous in the blue mackems circles 😂

Harry Belagonte more like

Doesn’t he already mine for worthless coins?

Apparently ice hockey players have mullets so my boy said he wants to grow one in this summer, I asked him if he wanted his teeth knocking out too but her indoors gave me giref for that.

Murphy’s face after the goal was something else but his Oliver Hardy face to the Sky cameras when Marco Silva (I think) was losing his rag at the ref at full time was up there as well. With that level of camera work, the sitcom work will pile in once he’s retired

Aaav been rumbled, laters lolz

There's only one club he'd go to now, the club that would pay the cash and need him the most, Man United. They have a history of getting top strikers from other 'top' English clubs and this falls into that bracket. You'd hope that although he will undoubtedly make them better it might be a case of the rest of their squad suffering from the reduced money available to strengthen if they pay top dollar for Kane. Top heavy up front, weaker elsewhere especially if injuries kick in and the amazing coach ETH plays him to death when they're in the latter stages of all comps.

Same as me.

He's living his best life right now, isn't he? I don't think anyone expected him to make the bench after the takeover and here he is featuring in every league game and now getting some goals as well. You can see it on his face, every goal we score, every win we get. He must know his time here is limited, so he's just fucking enjoying himself. He's a Geordie boy, taking the piss.

He needn't be. No need for thanks for the idea Fist, you're welcome.

Are you Christmas Tree’s alternative posh London bed wetting account?

I put radio Newcastle on tonight on my drive to work, first twenty minutes of the show were all about Sunderland including interviewing players because obviously they've moaned somewhere along the line of bias and magedia so I'm guessing BBC Newcastle must take turns each who starts off to try and quell the paranoia? Anyway, I thought all this Barcelona stuff was just an rtg thing but the Sunderland reporter, one of their players and another ex player in the studio had me almost convinced about how fucking superb they are, apparently they've a decent record scoring goals late on as the opposition are fucked at the end of games after spending all of the match chasing after the ball as the fifties Mackem Magyars caress the ball around puskas style. The ex player says his favourite time as a fan was watching Denis Smith's side getting promotion from division three and was jealous of today's 16 year olds travelling around the country watching the quality of football that Sunderland are putting out every week. I got to work without hearing anything NUFC related but didn't mind as it was a pleasure hearing just how good our mates down the road are.

But... 🙂

Gave up on the shower months ago. Caulkin is just a grade 1 bell sniffer.