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Kelly: So Gary, a win today and surely Newcastle are finishing in the top four? Gary: Well, I've said all season, I don't think Newcastle can sustain their current position. If we take a look at "United's" form coupled with the shine on Ten Hag's bonce it shows that they've got 3rd place all sown up. Don't rule out Liverpool either, they won their last game and won it convincingly so they're now clearly back to their best, wouldn't you agree Jamie? Jamie: Oh absholutely! Letsh look at this 30 minute VT of how great Liverpool are and don't forget Kelly, if either Liverpool or Man United are struggling in a game, they've always got VAR to help them out. Newcashtle just simply don't have that luxury.

Here’s something am sure we can get behind on Sunday lunchtime…sadly am not travelling due to MY BROTHERS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS HASTILY ARRANGED FUCKIN SECOND STAG DO OF HIS LIFE NEXT SATURDAY AT OF ALL PLACES KELSO CUNTING RUGBY CLUB THE INCONSIDERATE FUCKER. HES NOT ASKED ME TO BE BEST MAN FOR THE SECOND TIME EITHER, I THINK HE KNOWS WHAT THE ANSWER WOULD’VE BEEN 🖕🏻… to be fair, that does allow me the scant consolation of being at the Southampton game next Sunday

We've got Bhuna in the middle, That is exactly what we need Rice straight from a pack Wet Wipes at the back Whys it hurt everytime I peeeeeee

When we hit the bathroom This is what we'll sing We are diarrhoetic Geordies Grossman is our king

'Welcome to Super Sunday. We've a massive clash in the battle for top four and a champions league place between just Newcastle and Spurs. So Gary, what went wrong in Seville on Thursday night for United? Take your time by the way, no rush we'll be doing a deep dive into the United defeat and the fall out so feel free to ramble on about it, just try and finish by the time Tyler does his 'And it's live' dirge. for the start of the........ who's playing again?...... Oh yeah, just Newcastle versus Spurs.'

Maguire is the greatest anti-captain of all time. His teammates viscerally become the bodily representation of demoralisation simply by his mere presence amongst them. He is the real and absolute opposite of Jesus Christ Superstar! I could watch that energy vampire play for ManU all day. It is the purest Schaudenfraude available. Love it. I'm in bits.

From here on they shall be referred to as just ‘Nal’ since their Arse has fallen out.

And it's not like Spurs were filling up the trophy cabinet before all these takeovers happened, or did I somehow miss that?

We have an outdoor… An outdoor sofa, We dig up rubbish, and think it’s gold We’re paddle boarding And voting Corbyn I didn’t have a next line so I used this instead. Bhun Bhun ! Cack and shite army!

Minteh is plainly Yorkshire for minty obvs

I see Everton lost in a behind closed door against non league Chester in the week. The game was to get Calvert-Lewin minutes, as explained by Dyche: “It’s just another negative story that everyone is baying for,” said Dyche of the result. “The story behind that is the truth, which is: ‘Can we get Dominic Calvert-Lewin minutes on a pitch in a more competitive manner?’ Which we did. That has to be the focus and you can’t start changing the focus. Did he look sharp? Yes. Did he play well? Yes. Could he have scored? Yes, numerous times. But was he in there to score? Yes. Did he come through it unscathed? Yes. Is he cool? Yes. Cool as in injury-free, not cool as in … I’ve seen his gear.”

As shit as they've been on occasions they've got danger in Kane and Son plus Kane's 'benefit of the doubt' free card he gets from the refs. We need to be on it and not start like the last couple games or we're in trouble, start well and hopefully these will collapse like a pack of cards©. If I was a betting man, (I'm not) I'd say our chastening defeat at Villa combined with this important game at home to put it right plus them being fragile in confidence gives us the better chance, a higher XCh if you prefer? It's sky's only PL game that day so funny it's a two o'clock KO? How they going to fill the time in when they haven't got a later game to concentrate on and show us various players and manager's entering a stadium while our game's playing? ©Joe Harvey

🙂

Bhunarmy!

🎵We are the CT, The CT family And we are desperate, and we are sad We're force fed bhuna, From Sahib Grossman 'Cos we've got A knacker for a dad.🎶

It’ll be a careful with money thing

Snap-ish!

Gaffer is a Yorkshire Spuds fan, I’ve had his life this week. To the tune of “ I’m Getting Married in the Morning”… ” You’re getting dry-raped at the weekend”. He accepts his fate.

I'm not making the same mistake I made with Villa, but.... These are shite.

If they get the ball to Kane the dirty bastard is always a threat. Our recent slow starts need to become a thing of the past pronto

These are a threat and we need to be on our game. They aren't gonna be a roll over. They beat Brighton, albeit piss take VAR. But they're not losing week in week out.

I would imagine that’s literally been promised in return for his resignation

Oostenders.

Antonio thoroughly enjoying himself on this week's Footballer's Football Podcast. He's got this thing where he takes the piss out of Wilson saying Howe is his Daddy Eddie cos he never drops him even when he's shit and always bigs him up. Anyway Wilson is a bit subdued this week, moaning about getting beat and how he's not even getting games, so Antonio puts out a plea for him, "Hey Daddy Eddie. Stop doing this to your son! The grounding is OVER, Daddy Eddie!"

What a shame for Arsenal. Boo hoo.

99:46. Fucking hell, the ground is silent on the final whistle.

Jesus is a perfect arsenal player. A whinging tearful droopy eyed CUNT

Arteta is such a little cunt. Constantly out his box in the fourth officials ear. Should be sent off

Let them get a win, we'll fuck them up here. It'll be a genuine pleasure.

Also, poor little Spurs.

He can fuck not just right off, but left off as well for me.

In a field that can only be described as “packed”, this is one of the most self pitying parcels of fuckin shit it’s been my misfortune to come across

Ashworth special. He’ll be a 60 million player in 18 month

@MrBass and @Howmanheyman both deserve a

I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four-leaf clovers and rabbits feet. I thought: "Wow, he's pushing his luck!

A paradox if ever there was.

I'd imagine Spurs would suit him as well. He'd probably be the best CB there as well.

Man need subtitles init bro

Can’t believe that Ten Hag, a man who can only get a tune out of 3 players, is struggling again when they’re missing. Someone should look into that

Wtf is savage going on about? 'nobody could see this coming?' I could understand if you were a Man U fan who'd been in a coma for 15 years but otherwise.....

Because it’s at the Emirates

Funny how it’s an issue now they might not get into the champions league. FUCK RIGHT OFF.

cheers mate