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Dear ChatMLF Please produce a video documenting one man’s descent in to madness as a result of being a sunderland football fan and his mam being his sisterwife. Thinking…

Someone 'heard' someone in their head tell them something exciting about Sunderland but was soon interrupted by the other voice which told him it was time to start punishing whores again even if they looked like normal women going about their lives. FTM.

Write a poem about a so-called accountant called Gemmill. Famous for his quick wit, knock knees, and for approaching unsuspecting women in late night taxi ranks. He was unfortunately hung like a Chinese mouse. Gemmill the Accountant, they called him with glee, Quick-witted and clever as clever could be. But despite his sharp tongue and ease with a joke, Gemmill's appearance was quite a bit of a yoke. With knees that would knock and a frame rather slight, He'd approach ladies at night with all of his might. But despite his best efforts, they'd often say no, Leaving Gemmill alone with his mouse down below. He'd crunch all the numbers and balance the books, But when it came to love, he would often get shook. Though he tried his best to impress with his smarts, His diminutive size kept breaking his hearts. But Gemmill pressed on with his head held up high, Determined to find that special girl by and by. And when he finally did find love in the end, It mattered not if he was hung like a mouse, my friend.

You Write a film intro about a blockbuster movie where a cabal of mysterious Tyneside businessmen feverishly plot night and day with their wide connections to keep Wearside forever in the shadow of Tyneside using every economic, shady and cunning plan they have, nothing is off limits. Wearside hates and fears them. ChatGPT The city of Sunderland had always been in the shadow of Tyneside. Its residents had grown accustomed to living with the constant feeling of inferiority and resentment towards their more successful neighbors. But little did they know that the situation was far from natural. For years, a cabal of mysterious businessmen had conspired behind closed doors to keep Wearside under their thumb. They controlled the entire region with their wide web of connections and used every economic, shady, and cunning plan they had to ensure that Sunderland remained forever in the background. Their grip on the city was unbreakable, and the people of Wearside hated and feared them. But now, it was time for them to fight back. With nothing off-limits, the people of Sunderland would do anything it takes to break free from the shackles of oppression and take back their rightful place in the limelight. This is the story of a city's struggle for freedom and the lengths that its people would go to achieve it. This is the story of the Wearside rebellion.

You Write an ode to monkey's fist, his delivery driving skills, his quick thinking to shit in a plastic bag when no toilets are available but most of all his love of lovely mammaries. ChatGPT Oh Monkey's Fist, your skills are great, As a delivery driver, you're never late. You weave through traffic with such ease, Your driving skills are sure to please. When nature calls, you don't despair, You improvise and show you care. With quick-thinking, you grab a bag, No toilet needed, what a brag. But what we love most about you, Is your love for mammaries so true. You don't hide it or try to hide, Your admiration for them so wide. From the smallest to the largest pair, You love them all and you don't care. Your love for them, we can't deny, Oh Monkey's Fist, you are mighty sly. So here's an ode to Monkey's Fist, A legend indeed, we can't resist. A delivery driver like no other, With skills, quick-thinking, and love for mammaries, oh brother.

FADE IN: INT. FUNERAL PARLOR - DAY Steve Bruce, a middle-aged man dressed in a black suit, sits behind a desk, surrounded by funeral arrangement papers. He looks worried as he picks up the phone. STEVE (into phone) Hello, this is Steve from the funeral parlor. How may I help you? A WOMAN'S VOICE comes from the phone. WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone) Hi Steve, I'm calling to make arrangements for my father's funeral. STEVE (on phone) Of course, I'm so sorry for your loss. May I have your name and your father's name, please? WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone) My name is Karen, and my father's name was Mark. STEVE (on phone) Got it, Karen. And when would you like to schedule the funeral? WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone) Well, we were thinking about next Saturday. STEVE (on phone) Okay, Saturday. And what time would you like the bacon to be served? WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone, confused) I'm sorry, what? I didn't mention bacon. STEVE (on phone, realizing his mistake) Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said "when would you like the bacon?" instead of "when would you like the service?" I apologize. WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone, laughing) It's okay, Steve. We don't need bacon at the funeral. Steve writes down the correct information on the paper. STEVE (on phone) Okay, got it. We'll see you next Saturday at 11 am for the service. WOMAN'S VOICE (on phone) Thank you, Steve. Steve hangs up the phone, looking embarrassed. STEVE (to himself) I need to focus. I can't keep mishearing people like that. Just then, a man enters the parlor. MAN (to Steve) Excuse me, I'm here to make arrangements for my wife's funeral. STEVE (to man) Of course, sir. I'm sorry for your loss. What was your wife's name? MAN (to Steve) Her name was Susan. STEVE (to man) Okay, got it. And when would you like to schedule the bacon? MAN (to Steve, confused) I'm sorry, what did you say? Steve realizes his mistake and looks mortified. STEVE (to man) I'm sorry, I meant to say "when would you like to schedule the service?" MAN (to Steve, chuckling) It's okay, Steve. I think I know what you're craving for. Steve looks embarrassed as he writes down the correct information on the paper. STEVE (to himself) This is going to be a long day. FADE OUT.

They’d have to be absolute bargains. Otherwise those cunts can get tae fucking fuck.

I guess AI isn't ready to take over the world just yet.

Write a screenplay based on the fantasies William Storey has about his non-existent wealth and his attempts to buy Sunderland Football Club while deluding their gullible fanbase. Title: The Sunderland Hustle FADE IN: EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY We are introduced to WILLIAM STOREY, a flamboyant businessman in his mid 40s, standing outside his upscale apartment complex in London. He is dressed impeccably and his demeanor oozes confidence. WILLIAM (to himself) Today's the day I finally buy Sunderland Football Club and become the owner of my very own Premier League team. He chuckles to himself and walks off. EXT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY We see William walking up to the stadium, where several excited fans are gathered outside. WILLIAM (to the fans) Hello, Sunderland fans! I have some exciting news for you. (pauses) As you all know, I'm an extremely wealthy man, and I'm here to buy your beloved football club. The fans are taken aback by this announcement but start clapping and shouting in approval. FAN #1 (loudly) Thank God! We've been wanting new owners for ages. WILLIAM (smiling) I understand the struggles of being a small club, but rest assured, I have the financial resources and the vision to take this team to the top of the Premier League. FAN #2 (interjects) What's your plan, William? William pauses dramatically before responding. WILLIAM (looks directly at the camera) It's quite simple, really. I will use my immense wealth to attract the best possible players, coaches and staff. We will soon be a force to reckon with in the league. The fans erupt in cheers and the camera fades out. EXT. A LUXURY HOTEL - NIGHT William is seen sitting in the hotel lounge with his financial advisor, JOHN. WILLIAM (to John) So, what's the deal? How much do we need to make this happen? JOHN (skeptically) Sorry to break it to you, William, but we are way out of our league. Sunderland Football Club's valuation is over £100 million, and your net worth is barely a fraction. William starts to sweat nervously. WILLIAM (defiantly) I won't let this stop me. I have to make this deal happen to fulfill my wildest dream. JOHN (sighing) Well, we could try to raise some funds, but it'll take many months of hard work, and there is no guarantee we will be successful. WILLIAM (apathetically) That's not an option. I need to make a big splash right now. I know, I'll just use my charm and negotiation skills to convince the current owner to sell the club for a discount. JOHN (skeptical) That's highly unlikely, but I guess we could try. EXT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY William is seen standing outside the stadium entrance with the current owner, ELLIS SHORT. WILLIAM (convinced) Ellis, I'm here to offer you a fair deal for Sunderland Football Club. I know it's been a tough season, and you should pass it to capable hands, like mine. ELLIS (unsure) I appreciate your offer, but I'm not interested in selling it for a discount. WILLIAM (slyly) I completely understand. But, what if I offered you a significant chunk of my non-existent fortune in exchange for the club? Ellis raises an eyebrow, intrigued. ELLIS (reserved) That's a bold claim, William. Let me think about it. William nods, feeling confident. INT. WILLIAM'S APARTMENT - DAY William is seen pacing nervously in his apartment while talking on the phone. WILLIAM (frustrated) What do you mean we don't have the funds? I thought we agreed on this! JOHN (panicked) I'm sorry, William, but the investors pulled out. We are back to square one. William slumps onto his couch, defeated. INT. SUNDERLAND'S STADIUM - DAY William and Ellis are sitting inside the club's boardroom. ELLIS (sighing) I don't think this is going anywhere, William. You don't seem to have the financial muscle to pull this off. WILLIAM (defeated) You're right. I thought I could make it happen, but it was all just a fantasy. Ellis nods and pats William's back. ELLIS (smiling) Don't worry, William. You gave it your best shot. (pauses) In fact, I'm impressed by your determination. Why don't you stay on as a board member? You could help us take the club forward. William looks at Ellis, realizing he finally achieved something. WILLIAM (grinning) I would love that! Thank you, Ellis. FADE OUT.

Even their wildest dreams are second rate.

Write a story of a man called ugly mackems who buys nine tickets for the match but likes to tell everyone including those who didn't get a ticket. Mention a good family, the labour club and his love of vodka and coke. Ugly Mackems, as he was commonly known, was a man with a heart of gold, but not much of a face to match it. He always felt like he stood out in a crowd and not in a good way. But he never let that get him down, especially not when it came to his beloved football team. One day, Ugly Mackems went down to the ticket office to buy tickets for the big match. Despite being short on cash, he ended up buying nine tickets in total. His excitement was palpable, but he couldn't help himself from boasting about it to anyone who would listen. He went to the local Labour Club that evening and couldn't resist telling his mates about his great haul of nine tickets. He even told some random strangers he started chatting with at the bar, who clearly had no interest in football. One of his regular drinking buddies, John, bumped into Ugly Mackems that night and mentioned he hadn't been able to secure a ticket for the match. Ugly Mackems immediately offered him one of his spare tickets and John was overjoyed, feeling grateful for Mackems' kindness. The next few days, Ugly Mackems couldn't stop talking about how he managed to nab nine tickets for the match. He popped into the local corner shops, the newsagent, and even the post office, telling anyone who would listen. He was just so excited to be part of the action. After buying the tickets, Ugly Mackems enjoyed a family dinner with his wife and two kids, all of whom shared his love for football. They discussed the upcoming match over a hearty meal and a bottle of wine. Come match day, Ugly Mackems and his family headed to the stadium with the remaining tickets in tow. When they finally reached the gates, he noticed a young lad with his dad frantically looking for tickets. Ugly Mackems couldn't resist and offered them a couple of his spare tickets, knowing they would make the most of it. He headed inside with his family, delirious with joy, and quickly ordered vodka and coke. That day, he had nine tickets to the match, but it was the joy he brought to others that made him happiest.

Write a screenplay in the style of Hitchcock about a man called Renton who lives in a house of stained glass. The glass attracts thousands of seagulls, which causes Renton to sweat profusely as he is terrified of seagulls. It doesn’t end happily

Verse 1: The man called the Fish, he's bald and he's bored, He talks about Xg, like it's never been explored, People walk away, trying hard not to yawn, Oh why can't the Fish, just find a new dawn? Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say. Verse 2: The Fish says it's great, and that we should take note, But we can't help but feel, like we're on a sinking boat, We wish he'd stop, and find a different hobby, Maybe something interesting, like flying a big fat bobby. Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say. Verse 3: The Fish needs to see, that we're all getting bored, We want to learn new things, not be left ignored, He needs to change course, and find a new path, Or we'll all start walking, and never look back. Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say. Bridge: The Fish can be fun, we know that he can, But talking 'bout Xg, is not part of the plan, So please take note, and try something new, And maybe we'll stick around, and listen to you. Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say.

Write a story about a Yorkshireman called Wykiki who hates everyone he’s ever worked with. He’s invited to a reunion of all his former workmates, gets exceedingly drunk, then faints just before it’s his turn to buy the beers. Write the whole thing in Yorkshire dialect

Write a short scene from the sitcom Last of the Summer Wine but replace the main characters with ones called PaddockLad, Toonpack, Kevin Carrs Gloves, and Spongebob Toonpants. The gang are busy trying to work out how to use a computer mouse whilst hurtling down a hill in the Yorkshire countryside on an out of control sofa. @Toonpack @PaddockLad @spongebob toonpants @Kevin Carr's Gloves [Interior: A living room. PaddockLad, Toonpack, Kevin Carrs Gloves, and Spongebob Toonpants are sitting on a sofa with a computer mouse in their hands. Suddenly, the sofa starts moving, hurtling down a hill in the Yorkshire countryside. PaddockLad: Oh no! This sofa is out of control! Toonpack: Hang on tight, lads! Kevin Carrs Gloves: How are we going to use this mouse while we're moving? Spongebob Toonpants: I don't know, but we have to figure it out before we crash! PaddockLad: I think I have an idea. We just have to move the cursor to the "start" button and click on it. Toonpack: Easier said than done! We're bouncing around like a bunch of ping pong balls! Kevin Carrs Gloves: Maybe if we all work together, we can do it! Spongebob Toonpants: Agreed! Let's do this! [The four of them start frantically moving the mouse, trying to steer the sofa as it hurtles down the hill. They manage to click on the "start" button just as the sofa crashes into a pile of hay.] PaddockLad: Yes! We did it! Toonpack: That was amazing teamwork, lads Kevin Carrs Gloves: I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life! Spongebob Toonpants: Same here, but we did it! We're like computer wizards now! [The four of them high-five each other as the camera pans out, showing the sofa stuck in the pile of hay in the middle of the Yorkshire countryside.]

Write a blues song about a cone-headed taxi driver called Christmas Tree. His hobbies are cooking horrible dinners, listening to ABBA, and voting for Brexit. Verse 1: Well, I hopped in a taxi cab, one cold and dreary night The driver looked so strange, with a cone head big and bright He said his name was Christmas Tree, and his hobbies were bizarre Cooking terrible dinners and listening to ABBA, oh man, what a scar Chorus: Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you? Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree Verse 2: I asked him 'bout the weather, but he just talked 'bout Brexit Said he wanted to be independent, didn't want no EU exit Then he offered me some dinner, but I politely declined I didn't wanna hurt his feelings, but those meals just ain't my kind Chorus: Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you? Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree Verse 3: As we drove along, he told me 'bout his love for ABBA songs Said they made him feel alive, and he sang 'em all day long I asked him what his favorite was, and he said it was "Fernando" He started singing so loud, I thought my eardrums would blow Chorus: Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you? Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree Verse 4: Finally, we arrived at my destination, and I paid him with a smile I thanked him for the ride, and he said "Have a nice while" As I walked away, I couldn't help but think That Christmas Tree was quite a character, though his dinners really stink Chorus: Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you? Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree.

What was his name ??

Where has this stadium nonsense come from? On what planet would you expand your stadium (which you can’t fill now even with cheap seats) in the vague and unfounded hope of better times ahead? When all the evidence tells you the new seats wont sell and the team isn’t good enough to make the second division play-offs? Wouldn’t you just spend any spare cash on better players? Is this just because we’re talking about expanding SJP. Or has someone been at the glue again during Field of Dreams?

You @PaddockLad Write an epic Poem. Paddock Lad from Poole travelling to dance on the grave of football commentator John Motson and luckily gets his lycra tight Scotland shirt from DH Gate just in time before setting off, he leaves a smilie sticker on the headstone of a wee little yellow man sipping coffee. ChatGPT Behold the tale of Paddock Lad, From Poole he hailed, so strong and glad. A man of action, a man of might, With a mission to dance on a grave tonight. The target of his ire? None other than, The famous football man, John Motson. Though many may have doubted his skill, Paddock Lad was determined to execute his will. Before his journey, a purchase he made, A lycra tight Scotland shirt, to wear in his crusade. And where did he get it, you may ask? From DH Gate, with free shipping, no hidden task. With his shirt in tow, he set out on his quest, To dance on the grave, to lay the man to rest. But before he reached his destination fair, He stumbled upon a sight that caught his stare. A wee little yellow man, sipping coffee so sweet, In a small little café, where no one did he meet. Paddock Lad couldn't help but smile, And left a sticker on the man's head, so beguiling. With his deeds done, and his mission complete, He arrived at John Motson's grave, so neat. And there he danced, with all his might, A dance of joy, a dance of might. And as he left the grave, he knew, That he had done what he set out to do. Paddock Lad, from Poole he came, With a lycra shirt and a mission, so insane. Yet he proved himself a hero, so great, Dancing on the grave of John Motson, his fate.

UK Champions League Final Venues in history Wembley (old) Hampden Park (old) Wembley (new) Principality Stadium Old Trafford Sunderland!???

their new yank owner was like peter risdale on coke

Write a scene from a dystopian near future. Sunderland football club has somehow got promoted back to the Premier League. It is the first game of the season, half time, and they trail 8-0 to their local rivals Newcastle United. Fans gather in the bathroom at half time and find themselves compelled to go to the toilet (number one and number two) in their own pants and then throw the contents at one another. The scene starts off lighthearted but descends into chaos. The air in the cramped bathroom was thick with the stench of urine and feces. Fans of Sunderland Football Club had gathered here at half-time, seeking refuge from the merciless thrashing their team was receiving on the field. They had hoped to commiserate with one another, to find solace in shared misery. But then something strange happened. One fan, overcome by a sudden urge, had dropped his pants and relieved himself right there on the floor. And then another fan had done the same, and then another. Soon the bathroom was filled with the sound of grunting and splattering as fans defecated and urinated wherever they could find space. At first, the mood was lighthearted. Fans laughed and joked as they emptied their bowels, ribbing one another about the smell and the mess. But then, as the smell grew stronger and the mess grew larger, something changed. A sense of desperation began to fill the air, as fans scrambled for any available space to relieve themselves. Then, as if by some unspoken agreement, fans began to gather up their own excrement and hurl it at one another. At first, it was just a few stray handfuls here and there, thrown in jest. But then the frenzy took hold, and fans began to pelt one another with their own waste, laughing and screaming as they did so. The chaos was total. Fans slipped and fell in the mess, struggling to get up and continue the fight. The smell was unbearable, a choking miasma that filled every corner of the bathroom. And yet still, the fans continued to throw, hurling their own filth with abandon. It was only when security arrived, batons swinging, that the madness finally ended. Fans scattered in all directions, slipping and sliding in the mess they had created. And in the end, all that was left was the stench and the mess, a grim testament to the madness that had taken hold in that tiny bathroom.

It sounds like “KLD” and the other clowns don’t have enough money to get the bogs cleaned on a regular basis. And yet they’re going to expand the stadium

Someone "heard" the club were thinking about it then this was expanded on by a notion that the FA were going to pay for it if England get the next euros. In other words fantasy island strikes again.

Yeah thats CatGPT, I dunno what else you expected? You probably want ChatGPT

Write an obituary for former DJ and amateur skateboarder Dr Gloom. He died of being vegan and leaves behind a broken skateboard and a Jive Bunny boxset. It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of Dr Gloom, a former DJ and amateur skateboarder, who left this world on March 27, 2023, at the age of 47. He died as a result of complications from his vegan lifestyle. Dr Gloom, whose real name was James Smith, was born on September 12, 1975, in London, England. He began his career as a DJ in the early 90s, spinning records at local clubs and events. He was known for his unique style of mixing and his love of underground music. In addition to his love of music, Dr Gloom was an avid skateboarder. He spent countless hours perfecting his skills at the local skate park and even competed in a few amateur competitions. Despite his success in both music and skateboarding, Dr Gloom was most proud of his vegan lifestyle. He was passionate about animal rights and the environment and worked tirelessly to spread awareness of the benefits of a plant-based diet. Dr Gloom is survived by his broken skateboard and his beloved Jive Bunny boxset. He will be remembered by his friends and fans for his infectious smile, his love of life, and his commitment to his principles. Rest in peace, Dr Gloom. You will be missed, but your legacy will live on.

Joselu, Merino, Grant Hanley, John Carver, Steve Clarke... I don't know if I'm watching a Scotland-Spain or a tribute video with historic people from Newcastle United.

aye. she'll be nudging 60 now. rather than being a bit put out I'd imagine she probably reminisces fondly about being the hottest young thing by the swimming pool. I know I do.

Toonpack, do you want me to see if I can get you his number?

I’m sure she’ll be thrilled when she sees you’ve posted them online then

The link was to a video of Sunderland fans chanting for Adam Johnson

Odds on that barricade is to keep folks away from a monster turd that seat-shitter lad has just laid down.

Those three Morlocks staring at the bloke with a job.

Twenty quid says there's a dog in that pram on the left.

I forwarded to the end like, no way was I watching that beanie freak open up 48 eggs.

Someone trying to break a world record?

Alex thinks he bought them

I first heard that joke more than forty years ago. Please return it to the British Museum where it belongs

An Italian rabbit called Pierro hops in to the same bar and asks the barman for a cheese and onion toastie and a ham toastie. He eats them, leaving a terrible mess, and leaves. Next day, same thing, “ A cheese and onion toastie, and a ham toastie per favore” Eats, leaves an awful mess, buggers off. This goes on for days, until finally the barman has had enough, and this time gives him a cheese toastie, and a ham and onion toastie. Pierro hobbles in the next day, eyes swollen, terribly ill, and collapses in front of the bar. The horrified barman asks him what happened and, with last breath, Pierro raises his head and says “ You- you mix a ma toasties!”

Make a recipe for a curry that uses over 2100 grams of jarred bhuna sauce Sure! Here is a recipe for a delicious curry that uses over 2100 grams of jarred bhuna sauce: Ingredients: 2100 grams of jarred bhuna sauce 1 kilogram of chicken or your preferred protein (vegetables, tofu, etc.) 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil 1 onion, diced 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 teaspoon of ginger paste 1 teaspoon of cumin powder 1 teaspoon of coriander powder 1 teaspoon of turmeric powder Salt, to taste 1 cup of water 1 tablespoon of garam masala 1/4 cup of chopped fresh cilantro Instructions: Heat the vegetable oil in a large pot or wok over medium-high heat. Add the diced onion and sauté until it turns translucent. Add the minced garlic and ginger paste, and sauté for another minute. Add the cumin powder, coriander powder, turmeric powder, and salt, and stir to combine. Add the chicken or your preferred protein to the pot, and cook until browned on all sides. Pour the jarred bhuna sauce into the pot, and stir to combine. Add 1 cup of water to the pot, and stir to combine. Bring the curry to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for 20-30 minutes, or until the chicken or protein is cooked through. Stir in the garam masala and chopped cilantro, and let the curry simmer for another 5-10 minutes. Serve the curry over rice or with naan bread, and enjoy! This recipe should make enough curry to serve 6-8 people. You can adjust the amount of bhuna sauce and protein to suit your needs.

I’m having this framed *wipes single tear from eye

The sky’s the limit when your head is empty and bag is full of glue

Tell you what lads it’s no wonder we’re all jealous as fuck of them, imagine getting to dream about adding more seats to the stadium and then covering the shite look of it with some decorative cladding, of course in that dream you still won’t fill the stadium but you’ll get to imagine hosting some early group games in the as yet unscheduled Euros - worldwide acclaim and a legion of MLFs awaits, to couple that they have a squad full of absolute wonder kids who are capable of the dizzying heights of mid table in the Championship, and similar goal returns at a somewhat similar age to Jacob Murphy! (Oh wait that’s the lad they have on loan) Just think what those players will achieve down the road, that’s before even mentioning those wonder kids play football like 2008 Barcelona.

Breaks my heart but ...

Write a short martial arts movie about the time Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman got into a fight over a kebab in Get Stuffed. The two end up becoming lifelong friends and move in together. They wear matching pyjamas and play Double Dragon on their Sega all day long. The scene opens on a bustling city street at night. People are milling about, enjoying the nightlife, and food vendors are selling their delicious wares. Two men, Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman, both martial arts experts, are walking down the street, discussing their latest training techniques. As they approach the food vendor "Get Stuffed," the smell of kebabs wafts towards them, making their mouths water. They both decide to grab a bite, and as they are waiting for their order, they notice that there is only one kebab left. Without thinking, both men reach for the last kebab, their hands meeting in the middle. A brief moment of tension passes between them before they both look up and realize who the other is. Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman have been rival martial artists for years, always trying to outdo one another in training and competition. Now, they find themselves locked in a battle over a kebab. The fight begins, the two men trading blows and kicks, their martial arts skills on full display. As they fight, they begin to respect each other's techniques and soon find themselves laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Finally, the fight ends in a stalemate, with both men exhausted and hungry. They sit down to enjoy the kebab together and start talking about their shared passion for martial arts. As they talk, they realize that they have a lot in common and that their rivalry was based on nothing but their mutual love for their art. They decide to put their differences aside and become lifelong friends. The scene shifts to a few months later, with Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman moving into a shared apartment. They wear matching pyjamas and play Double Dragon on their Sega all day long, their martial arts skills on full display as they battle their way through the game. As the movie ends, the two friends sit on the couch, laughing and reminiscing about their fight over a kebab. They know that their shared love of martial arts will always bring them together, no matter what challenges they may face in the future.

Write a yelp review of a football fan called @thebrokendoll who has recently been found to have tricked someone less fortunate than him into giving him lifts the length of the country to watch Newcastle United play. The review should be signed "Yours Sincerely, Alex Hurst." Dear readers, I am writing this review to warn you about a certain football fan who goes by the name of "thebrokendoll." Recently, it has come to my attention that he has been taking advantage of someone less fortunate than him by tricking them into giving him lifts the length of the country to watch Newcastle United play. This kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and I am appalled by it. Not only is it unfair to take advantage of someone in such a way, but it also shows a complete lack of respect for the efforts of others. As a fellow football fan, I believe that supporting your team is important. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Taking advantage of others is never the right way. I urge you all to be wary of "thebrokendoll" and to avoid any interactions with him. We should all strive to support our teams in a way that is respectful and fair to everyone involved. Yours Sincerely, Alex Hurst