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Get the house fitted with Smart Bulbs, get a staff and a robe, and declare yourself the Keeper of the Light. Anytime she forgets her place, plunge the house into darkness.

Just shut the back door on my lass hanging the washing out, telling her "we're not heating the street". Tried to lipread what she was saying through the window, but couldn't work it out. I'll find out soon enough.

Quiff, only I can see the accounts you're making and even if that wasn't the case, grown adults don't really get worked up about the things you're using them to say when they come from a psychotic loser on the internet. Call your therapist and book some more appointments, you need them.

I’m on a nice weekend break in Dublin with a friend from uni who I haven’t seen in about seven years. We sit down and the first thing he mentions is that he has been arrested twice in the last three years for threatening to kill Boris Johnson and other public figures. He reckons 9/11 was done by the British, he knows who killed Princess Diana and has various other theories. I’m sharing a room with him until Sunday and I’m a bit scared at this point.

Boris or Bust, they must be expecting Mordaunt to make the final two.

When will you drop the "It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here!"? I used that recently. Did. not. go. down. well.

We barely mention the war for the last 70 years, and this is how they repay us.

Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4. That’s Horatio of about 3:1

Don't indulge him. (unless it works)

City of Chester. @The Fishterritory. I bet Dave's his wingman.

I still struggle to care about the National team

It costs 0.1 PENCE to run a 60W LED bulb for an hour. Typical accountant, counting the pennies and ignoring the thousands of pounds your divorce will cost you.

Who says we don’t need the BBC?

Absolutely not. The only thing I'd like Johnson to swing on is a fucking noose. I absolutely detest the cunt and don't want him anywhere near the PM job.

It would’ve been 11/9 for a start, if ewerk’s mate was onto anything.

Say hello to Wolfy from us.

Man of the people.

The problem with only appointing leavers to cabinet is that they are as thick as fuck. Odd that.

Craig, get off Facebook. For your own good and ours.

Never heard of it until now, quick youtube and my interest is piqued, though I worry it may already have peaked. Words are fun, aren't they? Piqued, peaked. Homonyms.

The BBC like the rest of the news media is a business looking for an audience. Nothing guarantees listeners/viewers/readers like Boris Johnson, so we are 100% guaranteed wall to wall Bring back Boris vox pops because whats what drives interaction. The impression that the nation wants him back is reinforced in a circle of bullshit

We're basically this gilet now.

all the milf hunters who were bigging up truss could have their world's turned upside down if morduant wins as she's different league

Apparently they think it'll be Poch or Emery.

Beale just turned them down yesterday apparently. Said he wants to stay and continue with QPR. I can't work out if that's funnier than him replacing Gerrard or not.

Yeah but people tend to scroll right past your posts.

Starmer should keep banging this drum. That is fucking outrageous for 44 days.

Incidentally, this is exactly the same word cloud you get when you ask Quiff what he thinks of TT's mod team. #BringQuiffBack

You fuck one pig ...

The targets I've seen mentioned appear beyond them to me in Frank and Poch. They'd be more suited to Sean Dyche. He's suitably bland that he'd fit in without being noticed at all. Just like the whole fuckin club.

NUFC: Alexander Isak and Karl Darlow remain out, with Allan Saint-Maximin now confirmed as absent and Joelinton is doubtful. Paul Dummett and Javier Manquillo are also confirmed as unfit. THFC: Bryan Gil is missing but Lucas Moura is available and Emerson Royal has completed his suspension period. There are doubts over Richarlison and Dejan Kulusevski.

#prayforewerk

She should walk the swimsuit round.

Its a fascinating race. I keep going back to them being sociopaths. Sunak - Didn't have the support of his own party and was mugged off for someone with the IQ of a lettuce ...but feels like thats changed now. Bojo - clown that was ousted by his own party literally weeks ago......but everyone must have forgotten about that including most importantly himself. Penny - no idea but I hope she wears tight tops.

Yes, I'd go along with that. Two years of Johnson is preferable to seven years of Sunak. I honestly believe though the tories have almost no chance of returning a majority after a GE now. And their best chance, although remote, would be under Johnson in any case, because he'll stop at nothing to ensure it, including committing British troups to Ukraine if he thought it would help (as an example).

It's happening lads. Let's just enjoy the ride.

He was hoping for a massive standing ovation at that the fucking farming nonce.

( the little laugh at the end always gets me )

The Ukrainian govt has tweeted a picture mirroring the Better call Saul graphics, saying "Better Call Boris". A load of people told them to fuck off and they've deleted it.

Honking pudding.