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Just had an outstanding wank and found that I still care. What's the next step in this desensitising therapy?

My thoughts are with Mr Truss at this difficult time.

One for the surveillance list.....

Hi everyone! Myself and the team would like extend our gratitude to everyone who keeps the board running, not only members but our Patreon members who help fund the board. Much like the custodians before us we run Toontastic as a none profit organisation. We're a wonderful community, we've been around for nearly two decades and it's a project I'm privileged & proud to be part of. I'm sure the rest of the dictatorship will agree! Earlier in the year we donated a significant amount of surplus Patreon funds to both Red Cross Ukraine & Red Cross Yemen. This slightly deviated from our original plan to have an annual vote on a charity to send the funds to but needs must! So In the spirit of the original Patreon idea, could people please suggest charities that they would like to receive the surplus funds? PS - You don't have to be a Patreon member to suggest a charity, only to vote. In a few weeks time this will go to a vote for Patreon members, you'll receive a message on the Patreon website and be able to proceed from there. If you aren't a Patreon member it's not too late - visit the link below. The money goes to a good cause - not just storing @Monkeys Fist porn collection on the server! Thanks Everyone, Tom Patreon > https://www.patreon.com/ToontasticNet Nominations - Newcastle West/East End Foodbank Cancer Research Sir Bobby Robson/Daft as a brush

On a serious note though, cancelling the Air Show will have ramifications- I feel sorry for the staff at sunderland Airport who’s jobs must surely be at risk now…

So apparently the old man has been having seizures on and off throughout the nights and him and my mam haven't been telling us, and last night he had 3 so he's been carted off to hospital again. Guarantee the fucking dumbass has been exerting himself too much. It's my mam I feel for, she'll be worried sick.

I get annoyed at cunts parking in front of my house, then again I live in a terrace with no garden or drive. So looking out of the window into the side of a fucking work van that hasn’t shifted for two weeks cos the fucking roofer/sparky/plumber who owns it has fucked off to Magaluf with his Mrs and 4 kids, is not good. And then there’s the bastards with 4 cars and visitors who stay over for 5 days. Proper cunts. And aye any Newcastle United fan who refers to Manchester United as United need a swift toecap to the stotts .

Meanwhile...

Saucy! Now, more than ever, our friends, neighbours and colleagues are more likely to find themselves using food banks. It’s not a particularly innovative suggestion from me, but it’s desperately needed, so I’d suggest The West End Food Bank, which has now taken over the East End Food Bank and provides much needed food and hygiene items across the city. (What a fucking disgrace that we need to do this, btw, Britain in 2022).

They fucking love a good group or society, don’t they? Takes them back to their schooldays of secret dinner clubs and wanking societies or whatever.

monday morning, exile gets up at 6.15, puts on old ma exiles clothes before paying her a brief visit in the fruit cellar. switches on his old tower pc and at 06.38 types out his first post on nufc for the day. https://www.readytogo.net/smb/search/622365/ last 200 post history, going back to september, there's 4 on safc which amount to 8 words in total in a period where they've played 6 games. the cunt's insane. I find him oddly fascinating!

Why is it carried on into other fixtures though? There's no reason for me to think United means Manchester if they're up against Leeds, or Newcastle, or Rotherham. Hell, we chant Yanited! at games, are we giving them support from afar? Are we bollocks. It's Man City and ManYoo, and it forever will be. Anyone saying otherwise should take a long hard look at themselves in the mirror and try to work out where it all went wrong.

It gets better.....

Not to worry, looks like sky have fixed that top half glitch and it's back to ten clubs now.

This can take itself in to a dark room and fuck itself to death, thanks.

So like a Maxi pad?

Sorry Andrew, I know you asked us to keep these in the Secret Forum Spank Bank, but they’re too impressive not to share…

That list of reasons why Sunderland is better than Newcastle just got even shorter

I live on a pedestrian street, so if anyone parked outside my house there would be strong words..… … unless I was tearing the neck off it at the time, in which case, thank you @Rosco for the spank bank material above.

#PrayForCT

Someone texted 5live this afternoon saying they're worried about her mental health and we should be kind. My text that said she should see her GP about mental health help but 12 years of Tory cuts she would have to wait 3 weeks for a GP only to be told the local mental health clinic was shut due to cuts never got read out.

I've literally just had a conversation with my dad where I asked how they're doing and he said "oh, fine" then left a pause and added "...well, I trapped my finger in the car door on Thursday, broke two bones and had to go to the RVI, but otherwise..." All the best to Fish Snr.

PaddockLad is the now crowned the new Karen of Toontastic "Joint email". FFS

I do and I and my neighbours tend to stick up for each other on this issue . Theres a rental opposite which was occupied until recently by a doctor and his wife and one of their grown up offspring who all had cars, the house itself has two off road parking spots and a space in front which more often than not they failed to make full use of. At weekends their two other grown up children visited, they had cars and so did their boyfriends/girlfriends . It was fuckin CAR-nage! Needless to say, we got together and wrote a joint email to the letting agents complaining that on Friday evenings no one with an actual mortgage could get parked and one of that number was female and works shifts for Border Force at Bournemouth airport. It wasn’t good for her to be walking from three streets away at 2/3 in the morning because a bunch of degenerate fuckin students were visiting their parents/in laws. Whether that coincides with your relaxed attitude to the nomenclature of Northern English football clubs am not sure, but if you continue down this road it’ll be brought to the attention of the Politburo of the General Committee of the Union of Toontastic Messageboards

Um, actually, this place allows spaces, so it'd be "The Pedant".

Like what all the other passengers on the bus are thinking about you?

Did you still care whilst masturbating?

They'd better not interrupt Bargain Hunt again.

He meant to say that Newcastle should have beaten United, HMHM. Hope this helps.

She was tipped in the tabloids for the top job almost as soon as the Pickfords wagon had dropped off Carrie’s posh furniture at no. 10. I do believe these things are decided behind closed doors and people vote according to instructions…. Which leads me to this thread , which sums up for me how this happened, who’s responsible and where we are now…

Some things don’t change

Hang on, they learned about PPE at Oxford? (I'm taking it their PPE isn't Personal Protective Equipment?)

Returning from the 74 FA Cup loss.

…look both ways before you cross the road

Rumours on twitter UM thinking of trying a gin in the labour club instead of the usual cheeky vodka.

Someone who got binned by west ham

@Holden McGroin

Yeah, it's understandable, but infuriating.

The nasty man doesn’t have puppies.

There has been an NQ64 in Manchester for a couple of years, inhabited solely by people with neck beards and BO