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I love winding thr kids up. Just told them that we couldn't get to London in time so we have to do a simulated queue instead. We have to stand outside in the garden, occasionally walking a few yards in a circle, for 24 hours. Then tomorrow we can watch the BBC coffin streaming channel and cry a bit for 3 minutes, before moving on and getting warmed up My youngest one (always been exceptionally gullible) started crying at this prospect. My eldest just gave me that look which all but says "zip it, dickhead". Hey, what else are Dad's for?

There used to be a kid who went to my school who regularly rang up Night Owls. You’d think he was taking the piss but he was just genuinely thick as fuck. One time he reported seeing lights in the sky at night. The ‘Flashing Blade’ (ffs) pointed out Seaton Burn was about a mile or two from the airport. Another time he rang up about his struggle to give up the tabs. When asked how much it was costing him he replied - nowt, I smoke me Gran’s ones. Glad to hear the content has remained consistently good 👍🏻

You'll be glad to hear that Paul Merson is absolutely gutted.

My sister has taken the train down to join the queue to look at a cloth covered box. Then realised the queue is so long she would miss her train home so she's given up on that. I despair.

john beresford on talksport just been saying he expects us to hit them for 4 or 5. reckons that when he was playing keegan would have been demanding it in the dressing room and that howe should be doing the same. I like beresford.

100% on the sting of Shelvey's absence. It's not so much the quality of Shelvey compared to other creative PL midfielder (not that he lacks quality) but it's even more that those attributes are completely lacking in the rest of our squad. Shelvey is the type of player we lack the most. He's lower-mid table quality but we don't even have another option. Willock is a runner. Joelinton the destroyer. Bruno likes to sit in and orchestrate things forward but also laterally with neat passes. Longstaff is a pale shadow of Bruno. That's it. Shelvey has the ability and courage to sink a through ball that someone like Isak would thrive on and there's no one else besides perhaps Bruno who could play that role. But the problem with Bruno stepping into that slot is that one of Joelinton or Willock would probably need to make way for Longstaff to then fill in for Bruno's absence further back. Not the worst solution but it means playing Bruno slightly outside of his best role and relying on Longstaff to make the team tick and fuck me that would make me nervous too. I think by the end of January we'll see the long term replacement in that position and we'll really kick on with everyone fit. Hopefully in the meantime we can get Shelvey back and get a few good months from him. It doesn't seem that Howe is willing to tinker much so that's the main hope that we get players back. Most of the time I would back Howe to get Plan A to work. But sometimes there are special circumstances like against the likes of Bournemouth at home. It's not all doom and gloom. Howe has the qualities of a top top manager, I believe. He works hard. He's smart. Honest too. And he wants to win. Sounds daft but I think a lot of managers just float along. Howes not like that. Mainly, I'm proud that he's our manager so he gets a pass on what I perceive as the odd mistake.

That's Maxim Demin, not to be confused with Maxim Denim:

I think the term is "beg friend"

Someone got arrested last night for touching the box. Strip club rules apply.

Well done tbh

There's a cost of living crisis on, you've got to make your own entertainment

Still think it's Almiron/Fraser that's mainly the issue - front 3 of Isak, Wilson and ASM would work - if we can get them out there.

Metro Radio has this monumentally annoying thick cunt doing their daytime show (it’s on at work) and he was interviewing some toucher who once saw the queen for 6 seconds, 47 years ago. I can’t remember what the toucher said but the thick cunt was going “it must have been emotional for you when she died. I’ve been an emotional wreck all week!” And I would love it if these people could articulate why. Explain to me why. Go through your thought process and explain to me. You can’t. Because you’re a dopey cunt with the mental capacity of a shot glass who is pretending to be sad because apparently, you’re supposed to. I’d love to headbutt him.

Well look at all the millions of people the queen has made cry. Perhaps you need to have a word with her.

“Inauguration” Wait a minute there’s no way they’ve set this up after all the whinge on about our friendly against Bilbao to prove it’s them that have a “special connection” with a random Spanish side right? Surely even they couldn’t be such a bunch of fucking cuckolds to do something as pathetic as that

Definitely feels like a mistake to not bring in a winger when you’re watching Fraser and Almiron serve that up. Rather than Longstaff, I do wonder if the option may have been Botman, go to 3 centre halves and then have Botman carry it to pin Bournemouth further back, with Murphy and Almiron tucked in and the full backs playing right on the edge. Wood should have been on earlier but I do understand Howe’s reluctance because that bench is fucking shit tbf. Anderson was actually a miss because he could have been a spark in place of Fraser and that speaks to the lack of quality when an academy product with 3 or so games to his name should be keeping Murphy and co out. Still, hit the post twice again so there’s a slice of bad luck there. Would be nice to start winning though

Frustrating, but not as bad as some here are making out. It's still a thousand times better than we were seeing under Bruce. We are obviously struggling to turn possession into chances, but we are still controlling games which is a novelty. Probably did enough to win today in reality I'm still trusting the process, only a handful of games to the next window.

Yeah but Isak is new to the team and the league, Bruno has just come back and then Wilson and ASM aren’t available. I do get what you’re saying and it reinforces the lack of quality in terms of options to bring on and creativity. But we were the worst team in the division and absolutely nailed on for relegation 12 months ago. Now we’re disappointed to be sat in mid-table and not tonking sides at home.

Apart from the obvious duo of Wilson and ASM we miss Shelvey. He’s not the answer long term or good enough against the top sides but him being out just pushes the dross one step closer to the starting XI

Disappointing start to the season. we’ve been unlucky with injuries to key players and with referee decisions but I’m going to be critical of Howe for the first time. I like the high pressing style he’s trying to implement but he doesn’t have a plan b. Or if he does have one, we only see it when the game is already gone. It was obvious how things were going on the hour mark but he isn’t bold enough to change the system and go two up front. We needed a plan b today without Wilson and ASM. We lacked the creativity to break down a stubborn Bournemouth side. It’s not Howe’s fault that we didn’t get the extra winger and midfielder to improve our squad depth but having another way of playing is something he can control.

Very poor performance. A lot of the players I always said weren’t good enough that performed well last season when teams were open against us last season are massively struggling now teams are sitting deeper against us. Almiron and Willock break down all of our attacks tbh. Another shit game by Targett as well.

What's Hungry Jacks like Aussie lads? That chicken burger looked lush, I'm fucking starving now.

At least she can flog her wristband

Ladies and gentleman, please stand for the national anthem..... (No minty drums version).

There's also a verse about crushing rebellious Scots. Also it is a complete dirge. As to antipathy to it, I suspect that as a broad rule the further north you go, the greater the dislike. Also there are some pockets that are more negative, like Liverpool and parts of Glasgow and Belfast, obviously linked to sectarianism. This is not an anthem that unites the nation and mainly for the reasons @Rayvin saya I will never sing it.

nah. I wanna see a demolition.

Should've had a discussion about whether the queen should be the last monarch but was never going to happen, I'll definitely not sing God save the king.

Can only speak for myself - The lyrics put forward the notion that one individual is somehow worth more than the rest of us, puts them on a pedestal that I don't think any human being should be on. To sing for the salvation of that individual over and above the rest of the British people is repellent to me. It feels like I would be suppressing the relative important of myself and those I care about to sing this, and therefore acknowledge this inequality of value. The royals are worth no more to me than the the homeless man on the street - and no one is pushing me to sing for his salvation, so they can fuck off for the royals too. This isn't new for me though, I've resisted singing it for years.

We should erect Brown Plaques, “ Here, whilst in The Queue 2022, Doris Mayfield, of Doncaster, shit herself.” ” On this spot, whilst Queuing, Mary McCormack of Chester had to have a sit down.” ” On 17th Sep 2022, Queue member Arthur Taylor of Bacup gave up after only 13 hours, the massive Jessie “

Maybe someone should explain to the people whinging about queue jumping that they are queuing to see the biggest queue jumper in life imaginable. Might be too deep for them on second thoughts.

I like how he turned his nose up at joining us even though we weren’t in for him anyway.

On the bright side at least Brendan isn't our manager

Yup. Maxi is critical. Stretches defences and pulls them out of position plus the end product has been better lately. I think the club has underestimated just how shite our other midfielders are. They would have hoped to squeeze something out of them this season as the project progresses but it just isn't happening.

Willock is a million miles from his loan spell form. Relying on him, Almiron and Fraser to create chances was always going to be asking for trouble. Murphy and Wood off the bench shows we still have a thin squad if we want to be in the top half of the table. A right winger and ACM are the next 2 positions that need upgrading

Cheer up, man. Planty Joobs on Monday 👍🏻

We're never going to be a consistently good side until we have better than Championship quality on the bench. Especially so when we have a couple of injuries to our best players. Even if we replace Almiron we'll still need better than him coming off the bench. It's going to be a pretty slow process unfortunately.

We have half a dozen championship standard players, at best. Failed to upgrade them. Have no one else to blame. We'll be a different team with Maxi and Wilson back yet we know we cant always count on them be it due to fitness or form in Maxi's case. Work in progress etc etc. But still a very frustrating day, as poor a performance as we've had under Howe.

Dear God. 3 minutes to go and our midfield making short sideways passes to each other.

"Worked hard Almiron" So bloody tired of hearing that...the guy is absolutely hopeless, cant wait to be rid.

I’d almost rather we play Longstaff than Willock tbh, as it would mean Bruno can play where Willock is.

I don't see the point in us playing inverted wingers. Almiron would be so much more dangerous when on his left foot in those positions. Likewise Fraser on the other side.

I'd get him on solely to allow Isak to get amongst it a bit more. I'd then immediately regret it.

You stood? Royalist lickspittle

Got the Aussie coverage on and so far there's been an advert showing a man pulling his new boxers on, and then we cut to the interior of his pants to find two upside down bald men playing the role of his testicles. Unacceptable.

Steve Bruce: ‘They won’t pick up hamstring injuries if I don’t make them train’.

6-0