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"Hi guys and welcome to the toontastic podcast with yours truly, the host with the most rohypnol, G-Man himself, sweet cheeks Gemmill! Don't forget to hit those like and subscribe buttons."

I'd probably want to name 11 players, mind. We're good, but I don't think we should try and beat them with 8 men.

Going off the vibe on this thread.

"Did you get a few Rolex watches for the boys on VAR?" "Yes, they said they were happy to oblige. Got an extra Rolex for ASM to hand out to the fans as well. Had a batch of cheap digital watches with the SAFC crest on delivered to the Sunderland dressing room, hopefully they try to emulate ASM and end up looking cheap and nasty." "Very good." "Also made the wor flags lads full time employees on a very competitive wage and have written them a blank cheque to get whatever they want from the world's leading flag manufacturers. We've instructed every flag manufacturer to only supply the worst quality material for the Sunderland fans flags and to make sure there's comical spelling mistakes although apparently that's not needed as they can't spell for shit as it is."

Step outside of your front door. I'm taking a long run-up to Manchester to kick you in the balls.

"Ah was ganna cah'll me Trump piece 'Geordiegate, The Ryder connection' but that fucking wannabe Wraith copyrighted the words 'Geordie' and 'connection' being used in the same sentence. I was just ganna put it in regardless and see what the mug would do about it but the Thompson House lawyers dropped their arse which is a feeling Wraith's ganna be familiar with next time I cross the cunt's path."

Go fuck off and do a podcast you boring cunt.

I think it’s a great idea… every episode full of in jokes about sitters,standers, Leazes Mag, Stevie, roombas and hoverboards, with a massive verbal punch up at the end, after which Rayvin apologises to the subscribers

It's a potentially career ending scan ewerk ffs. We haven't had anything serious to panic over for ages, won't you just let us have this?!

CT presenting from his 'outdoor lounge'?

Sunak wasn’t at Live Aid ffs. He just heard it from his summer school in Bucks, the jug-eared gobshite.

‘Which one do you want? Broja or Gallagher?’ ’Doesn’t matter either way, la’ Squad building the Everton way.

Just by way of preamble to the match, I've managed to retrieve the above CCTV footage from that hotel reception in Brighton showing @scoobos attempts to check in.

While RobinRobin stands in the background, silently holding up a succession of humorous cue cards like he's Bob Dylan

A minutes silence for Callum Wilson.

You can talk

Top four could absolutely be up for grabs, Arsenal are top and the last time we played them we made them look like a pub side, Man United are definitely a team in transition regardless of if they put in a decent performance last night. Chelsea don't have no goals in their team, and Liverpool look hungover from last season and I honestly think when we play them at Anfield we will beat them by at least two goals.

Bonjour, avez-vous une épée en plastique?

Surely they wouldn't want a player who is STEEPED IN BLOOD MONEY 😡 Unless they change their mind when it benefits them?

Now ManUre are going to experience how it feels when highly decorated, unmotivated players take a step down and join them for the money.

Gutted for him as I think he could make England WC squad if he had a run of games. Time to buy Neymar.

Liverpool are rattled. They look shite and without Mane they are pony. Special night at Anfield coming up with the heirs to the throne are coming to smash em!

Tidy bush that Fist. Love to see it.

Bacon'dYP

I saw a post in the (inevitably 100 page or so) thread about our match v Man City stating that Trippier’s red card was reversed by VAR because City weren’t allowed to beat us. I shit thee not.

Bit late to the party with this video of the Finnish PM dancing then having to take a drugs test but on actually seeing the video tonight my verdict is......

"Number two....." "That's Miguel Almiron......." "Will be followed by a bid between......" "Number twenty three....." "Conor Gallagher or Armando Broja! Bids to made weekend commencing Gordon being sold to Chelsea and some money coming into the club......." "Well that's certainly went down well at Goodison Park where we have our cameras tonight from the player's canteen fresh from an Everton bid for N E Fuka from FC N E Where. I can hear the cheers from here in London!"

aussi je voudrais beaucoup pomme de frites et fromage

Might just give me a power up. Double my BPM right at the point of contact.

This is why Everton are in such a fucking mess btw. They have no transfer plan or overarching plan for their playing staff, they just routinelytry and gatecrash other clubs' bids at the last minute. They're fucking hilarious.

I would have kept my mouth shut about this til after we sign Pedro. If he's missing tomorrow night we could just claim he's rested for the cup.

I thought that but wasn't 100% sure, so nice confirmation of my man skills.

Difficult to see from afar, but we have just replaced a lying, power-hungry, fundamentalist with a bland politician as PM and he seems to be pushing ahead with a reform agenda (perhaps not as drastic as you are advocating) and is hugely popular. Sometimes boring is what you need when all you have had for years is incompetence masquerading as maverick.

Can’t really see on the picture, does it have a cavity? If not no. If it does it’s still probably overkill for something that size. Put some pictures up when it finished. Want to see how pissed it is

"Away to Brighton where a certain Mr Howe was a guest of the owners."