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That initial rush of testosterone when they first drop… bless… 😘

It's alright lads, was just joking. I've already got a non-alcoholic drink of choice, it's really, erm..

Commence Operation Fewm, play in Saudi kits.

What the fuck are you talking about?

1.- Maddison or Paqueta? Maddison. I mean. I have dirty dreams with the MC formed by Paqueta, Joelinton and Bruno. But Paqueta seems somewhat irregular to me and its adaptation to England is not clear. In fact, in Italy it failed and that makes me doubt. I would sign Paquetá without hesitation, but Maddison's option would be too good. 2.- Bamba DIeng and Ramos... Sorry, but I don't see them so much to make and valuable evaluation. But from the little I've seen, I liked Ramos a lot, Dieng didn't. Ramos is a center forward more like Wilson, Dieng is a striker who can play on the wings. 3.- The case of Barcelona is complex. Really, they have done the same as all the clubs in Spain. In Spain, 18 La Liga clubs have sold 10% of the TV rights for 40 years in exchange for money now. Barcelona has done the same, but independently, taking out more money and without having to pay back so much interest. Barcelona's problem is that they should not be able to register any of the signings. In fact, two days before the start of the League, they only have 15 players registered (only one goalkeeper, and no signings). And if he manages to enroll them all, it would be very very rare because he does not have enough margin (he will, for sure). 4.- Who should aim for? The other day I really liked the team. I think it is only necessary to sign a couple of players. A player who can play up front, who's quick and can move around the front line, to give us an alternative to Wood when Wilson goes down injured (and I don't think we're going to sign anybody and Saint Maximin will take that situation). Someone like Amine Gouiri or Moussa Dembelé could be fine. Depay has also been mentioned. that would be the style A player who is capable of playing through the center as a midfielder and angled to the right wing to accompany the midfielders and who improves the performance that Almirón, Fraser and Murphy give us (and one of the three should go out, although I think that with Howe still can give more than what we have seen these years). That player could be the ones we've already mentioned. Madison, Paquetá. There is a footballer who plays in Portugal called Pedro Gonçalves 'Pote' who would be ideal for me. He is a player very similar to Bruno Fernandes. Another player who fits that profile is Lo Celso, who is not wanted by Tottenham (although it seems that he wants to return to Villarreal). And looking to the future, there is a boy who plays in Argentina very young, called Facundo Farías, who has that dribbling style that could be a world star in 2-3 years.

PaddockLad doesn't even understand basic positions, never mind the Athletic's upgraded version. This is when you start to see how the elderly get set in their ways.

This thread is so insensitive.

The board is heading for a bigger split than the Great Civilised Stander/Filthy Sitters Rift of 20…wheneverthefuckitwas. Eyes vs Pies (charts…ish).

CC @Diego21

Near enough. She’s upstairs hiding from the sun the fucking vampire

Definitely a scat site, then. “ Alreet Homs, welcome to me site ‘Wuh Aal Shit and Piss The Same’ I’d like to point out I have a far higher subscriber count than my Spurs counterpart. Lets down to business.… nnnnnnnnnnghaaah!”

Rule 34

Go large, etc.

I probably have a long diatribe to write here because I think stats have a good place in modern football and find them useful in evaluating footballers. However I think I can see with my eyeballs what needs seeing. So fuck it

Aa went to Blaydon Races, 'twas on the ninth of June Eighteen hundred an' sixty-two, on a summer's efternoon; Aa muh nuh nu Balmbra's, na na na LADEN!, Diddly Pom de da da dah, that's on the road to Blaydon. OH ME LADS…

I'm just thinking, is there any actual managers on here, and I don't mean managing young kids like Craig does? I mean actual professional managers? Or coaches? Scouts? I'm guessing there probably isn't so in which case WHO GIVES A FUCKING MONKEY'S TOSS ABOUT XG etc? Can you not just watch a game and enjoy it and have an opinion on a player without the need for a fucking excel sheet telling you what you've watched? Or do we need to be clever bastards to try and win arguments on social media and whatever? Honestly, man. I totally see the benefit TOP FUCKING CLUBS might get out of it but none of us work for top clubs in that capacity so if you're on the Excel presentation YouTube videos LOOK AWAY NOW and just enjoy the game. Even the arguments on here about it, pro and con......who fucking cares? Fish and gemmill think it's cush, most of us don't give a fuck, how's this still going on? @PaddockLad Now that's what you call 'comedy anger'.

Sounds like something from @Isegrim’s private collection.

About 70. He’s the other 7

All you manky spelunkers, swabbing around Poop cavern blindly hoping to connect, clearly have something in common. Since your loudest and proudest proponent, Wi Pi Pi Gemmill is famously deficient in the forward trouser area, it’s just logical to conclude that you all have nothing stopping you either, as you blindly dab away from the front. I have to dry the tip after sitting, so my squat to wipe from the back is not only more hygienic in every sense, but a physical necessity due to my gi-fucking-normous man eggs and bairn’ses’ arm.

FYP

Miggy will still get lots of starts away from home, his pace makes defenders sit in & back off, and his work rate is great. His end product is frustrating but if we need to get a foothold away v the better sides he’s ideal.

Big money in the ginger cyborg micro-penis kink, is there? Who knew?

managed by Steve Barnes, formerly of Leddesford Town. Drives a lush jag

They've got a player called Carl Winchester. That's not a real person. Did they sign him from fucking Melchester Rovers?

AP better not let HMHM hear him start with “hey guys” otherwise it will be murder on the dancefloor!

thank god for that. I would've probably wrote it as jamezuz, but regardless I've been a bit scared of contributing for fear of 30 years of bumpkin having rubbed off on me. it's reassuring to know I wasn't getting it wrong for the entire time I lived at home too. anybody know the words for the blaydon races?

Honestly, mate, get back on the piss

Really selling xG usefulness this thread

I know it’s probably the last thing on your mind right now, but there are some very nice alcohol-free beers knocking about. @Meenzer is probably better placed to advise, but staying off the peeve mightn’t necessarily mean you can never have a beer again, just have one of the booze free ones? I buy them fairly regularly so I can have cold one of an evening if I’m working the next day and they’re really nice. I don’t know if this will help or hinder you, or if the right time to say so, so feel free to tell me to fuck right off , I just thought it might be a little light in the storm.

Neymar, Messi and Mbappe are their front 3 for the foreseeable. They now have Ekitike off the bench. Hopefully Ramos will see he's 5th choice and tell them to fuck off

I’m having an ice cold can of Stella. Been off the booze for a while, and there is no better return than a nice tasteless utility lager

This place is starting to feel like Jurassic Park. Dave, I'm Chris Pratt, you can be Dicky Attenborough.

Harsh on Sloth tbf.

How many of the 77 are only following for the lols?

Is this about OnlyFans again?

This xG is an ex-joke, it has ceased to be.

xCondolences

That is absolutely not what he just said Also he's absolutely right, we might have the benefits of Ashworth and Howes contacts but as far as an established scouting setup that fully work for the club, there is no way that it is extensively staffed or mature considering we're catching up on 14 years of rot.

That's Gemmill out then

I'm sure the Man Utd fans don't associate safety with wan bissaka

Pants on, I'm probably looking at £5k a month. Pants off, SIGNIFICANT UPSIDE.

He definitely has the same selfie style as a former uber Geordie resident of this parish.

We're a nightmare to play against now, we're hard to score against, and I don't expect we'll lose this. Whether we win will depend on our ability to create/convert chances. I'd be much more confident if we'd got someone like Maddison in, but that will come.

The poster we need, but not the poster we deserve.

"Charlie's next in line did you say? What a splendid idea...."

@Gemmill @The Fish I've found you boys a new sport to get excited about The World Excel Championship is being broadcast on ESPN and it's absolutely wild (ladbible.com)