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"Hi guys, fanks for tunin in for annuva excitin video on the channuw. Huge day today, really massuv one which sees the arrivuw of Nick Pope fom Burnley who I'm sure will povide excellent competition for Martin Doobavka. Am at the ground, as you would expect from the channuw, really looking forward to this one guys, remember to smash like and subscribe if you want more content of me stood outside of buildings viss summa."

Mr Todd, a member of Winlaton Homing Society said: "We're trying to get our head round why these new rules have come in"

Those tits, although only a drawing from a 3 decade old adult humour cartoon, are deliciously perfect.

Fully on board with that decision. That kids reps are going to greed him out of a top level career the way theyre going. Theres absolutely no fucking way madrid and bayern are after him, they don't sign "ten goals once" players, especially when theyre looking for the next benzema/lewandowski profile player

“ You should try pigeon racing, CT” ” Don’t be daft, I can’t fly “

still one of the greatest ever posts on this board

@renton in the papers tonight

Re the new sponsorship deal, I reckon the club have played a blinder by seeing out another year with Fun88. If we have a really strong season, which we should, and our final league position is helped by the compressed season taking a toll on the teams in Europe, we're in a much stronger position to make arguments for our market value having shifted significantly. If we'd tried to bring it forward to this close season we'd have shot ourselves right in the foot.

I was down at Canary Wharf on Monday for work and the sun was out. Jesus titty fucking Christ on a bike.

That's HMHM mate. C'mon Fish, you're better than this.

That’s a big testicled move from our lot, for sure. Sending out a fairly clear message to any other agents who want to fuck about. Putting that money to Rafinha is a great shout

+30M to the Raphinha fund.

I know what you mean about Howe wanting players to play their way into the team, but that was during a season. With a clean slate and a blank league table he can pick whatever team he likes for Game 1.

Can't do Jesus I'm afraid, will the topless nun on a skateboard suffice?

He's got fuck all professionalism about him hes an absolute window licker. That's just Luke Edwards!

I think you're attributing to him more long-term planning than he is capable of. Honestly? I think he's seen youtubers get famous and thinks because he has a modicum of success it's just a matter of time. He's got little to no original content, the production values are poor, his editing is amateur and he has all the charisma of a 3 pin plug. If he wants to make something like this work, he's got to be more creative, he's got to find a niche and exploit it. like, this matchday video for example. It's garbage. His delivery is flat, there's nothing he's saying that adds to the shonky video work. Compare it to this kid; Now, neither are my cup of tea, but the second one is much better than Pearson's

Nothing will ever beat "I think he's called me a nonce there. I'm not."

One of the issues with the rumour mill running 24/7 and the emergence of sofa-analysts is we build up every player we're seriously linked with. We read articles about him, looks at his stats, watch compilations and a lot of it leans whichever way our bias wants. Ekitike maybe a great prospect, and everything I've read and seen suggests he is. But maybe, he's not. Maybe other options would fit better in the squad, or adapt better to the PL. The alternatives we've heard about are the likes of Raphinha, Hazard, etc. but, for all we know, Ashworth and the scouts have 3-4 other young kids with potential that we've not heard a real peep about? I do think this is another example of the club proving that, despite our attributed wealth, we'll not be held ransom. We won't pay the Newcastle tax.

Probably for the best tbh

There goes CT's next hobby.

Lynch v Jenrick, no fuckin contest

There is a lot to say about it that makes me very uncomfortable. It’s only a wee bit short to be a sort of an”Ermächtigungsgesetz”. It starts with the emphasis of declaring the UK to be a parliamentary democracy. There is nothing wrong with this on the surface, in fact more or less all of European states do consider themselves as parliament democracies. It’s even literally stated in most of the codified constitutions. But it looks like there is a different aim with the British stance to highlight the supremacy of the parliament. Therefore the main focus is to undermine the rule of law and the system of checks and balances in regards to the interpretation of the ECHR. It’s not the ECHR who has the main authority anymore but it does even weaken the position of the British supreme court. It is a dangerous path not short of things we do see in Hungary and Poland with right wing governments undermining international but also national jurisdictions. There are still ongoing legal proceedings in Poland about the right to overrule decisions from supranational courts if they are found to collide national legislation and interests. It is sad to see how things have turned in just the last ten years undermining everything western Europe did achieve after WW2 until the 2000s.

The worst thing that the Tories could have done is unleash this bloke on telly. I've just watched a compilation video of his best lines and he's an absolute inspiration. Talking eloquently about the downtrodden masses and the rich getting richer, and saying to the presenter "if we can't bargain or negotiate, then we are left to beg. I don't want working class people in this country to have to beg." The Tories won't have reckoned with a bloke like that going on telly and striking a chord with normal people. He also makes mincemeat of that braying cunt Jonathan Gullis when he asks Lynch if he'd like to apologise to veterans who can't make it to Armed Forces Day to which he responds "That is the stuff that someone in Conservative HQ has come up with and you're just here reciting it. I'm not happy that we're on strike. I want to negotiate a settlement, but I can't do that with some backbencher who's reading from a script."

Would be another statement signing and a great one to get any of the no balls crew feeling like their scrotum might actually contain something after all. I'm looking at you fucking A-HUGO.

What wonderful weather we've been having the last few days. This has been out in force in sunny Tynemouth. I'm turning into MF on a bad day. Oh lordy.

Owen: "Well the sun's out, what a lovely day it is." N.E. One: "Was it a lovely day when you flying in that helicopter around Dubai for an advert you boring little cunt?" Joe Blogs: "It was a lovely day when you and your brochure fucked off after relegation you human formed hemorrhoid." Etc, etc.....

Yeah, I agree its not working. Was directed at Meenz and Scoobos. Hopefully all will become clear after Tiverton tonight.

Still has me in stitches thinking about the video he did waiting outside the ground to see Eddie Howe which included him going to McDonald’s for his lunch

I've seen nowt confirming the end of the Ekitike deal from The Athletic. We usually get the straight dope from the great Hope as well and he's said nowt. So 90min.com and that Graeme Bailey can a-fuuuuuck a-hofffffff.

I think he starts over Dubravka tbh

Probably necessary when your job is to spend some of your day on #NUFC twitter.

fuck Ekitike and Bottman off and instead spunk £60m on Raphina and £50m on Jesus.

This one?

Defense will hate us if we have Raphinha, ASM, Bruno coming at them with Joelinton enforcing. You've got to pay for the quality attacking spark that someone like Raphinha brings. He'd be a fantastic signing but personally can't see it. Can you imagine if we got him and Paqueta, four Brazilians aged 24-25.

Raphinha is class tbf, Leeds are wank and from 60 starts over the last two seasons he’s hit 17 goals and 12 assists in the league from the wing, while playing with Patrick Bamford, and Jack Harrison. He’s just starting to peak at 25 and is becoming a somewhat regular starter/squad member for Brazil. £65m is a lot of money but the market in general is mad with figures, they have him with a decent length of time on his deal iirc. Compare him to someone like Buendia who cost nearly £40m with a single PL goal for Norwich. As mad as it is I personally see Raphinha as being in that £65m range nowadays, Arsenals offer was £40m or so? Compare that to the £72m they paid for Pepe and it’s a shite offer tbh. I’d love us to sign Raphinha as I think he’s absolute quality but I don’t think we will go to that price tag.

I fucking hate Jonathan Gullis, like. Whoring himself for a future role in the cabinet. Represents everything that is fucking wrong with that party. What a cunt -

Ok, tactfully now.. Eriksen is a good player - but aren't we forgetting something? We are newcastle united. If we sign eriksen it is nailed on he will die within the first 4 games, or have a massive heart attack that renders him in a coma for a decade... That is the Newcastle way.