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Two years and three months after first applying, myself and Mrs A have been granted residency of New Zealand! Absolutely massive news for us that opens up the possibility of us just staying here forever now. Huge news and a huge weight lifted wondering if it was ever going to come through for us.

Let's be honest.

White socks were to be laughed at when I was at school, I couldn't give a fuck if they're back on fashion, some things just get hardwired and this must be one of them? I can obviously move with the times on most things tbh but this is the hill I'm dying on.

Congrats Andrew. I wish I'd settled somewhere other than this fucking weird island now.

Fair play to him, a footballer who actually wants to play football. Take note, Ciaran Clark.

New special relationship with Reims has begun today

The family that gets boners together, stays together.

Same

J69's white socks tomorrow when the bin men refuse to accept them....

White socks??!! £3.99 for 23 pairs @ Sports Direct

Aye and I’ve got a MASSIVE 5 inch cock

Sainsburys have gone above and beyond on the Fnarr Fnarr aisle Cock soup next to Palm Nut…. Fnarr gack! Nice bit of chilli induced ring sting, Mrs Saunders? Fufu- The Taste of The fucking Motherland? All conveniently placed next to each other so that man-children like me can stand and guffaw without having to shuffle too far.

Newcastle continue talks with Man Utd over Dean Henderson (90min.com) According to reports we've agreed terms with Henderson and all that's left it to either negotiate a price, or persuade Man U to allow us to take him on loan for the season, most likely so we can spread costs. I can't see Man U being too accommodating given how they seemed to act over Lingard, but perhaps Ten Hag backs himself and isn't worried about us getting ahead of them. Even still though I'd imagine they'll want a fee to supplement their own kitty for Ten Hag's squad rebuild. If we can get a top class keeper like Henderson, who's only just turned 25, for around the twenty million mark that's discussed in the article, then it will be a great bit of business. I'm not convinced that he's a level or two above Dubravka, but he's certainly as good as, so the competition between the two could keep both on their toes.

Wish he lived next door to me

He’s got a track record of fancying donkeys tbf

Imagine last season him post this, the replies. 'You don't deserve a break, get practicing you useless cunt' Thar's just from me!

It’s the hope that kills you

Tube socks are back in fashion man

So if we got the back 4 from players we have/been linked to: Trippier - Saliba - Botman - Lodi Fucking hell man, I know it's only links to three of those but this is bonkers.

Looks like I’ve found a fellow Hobbit.

Starting to consider posting Casey as a credible source a creche-able offence tbh.

and he’ll block everyone who points out he was talking shit

👀✅🤝 What a nob he is. He will be fuming btw.

Like I said Oh shit

That was a superb day of test cricket

James Justin is about as comfortable at international level as I am

I’ve spent the PLATTY JOOBS planning and getting started on revamping my back garden. This will entail me demolishing and rebuilding a brick wall, putting a gate in said wall, making a raised area with railway sleepers, making a wooden frame for a gazebo type affair, laying some turf. Beer. #PLATTYJOOBS #BITEMEWYKIKI!

Time to silibrate wuth fush und chups, bro Well done and good luck. 👍

That's great news if you love it out there, Andrew.

Wee update on the SG that Gemmill gave my nipper- it needed some frets replaced so I told him that he needed to save up to get it repaired, the thinking being that, since it was free, he needed to do something to give it a value to him. The lad Gemmill recommended quoted about £50 and he’s got £45 saved-it’s his birthday next weekend so he’ll get to his target and then some. Grandma Fist has already paid for the repairs , so his £50 can go to a proper amp, which he also now wants. When he gets the fixed SG I’m telling him though, that he must learn Riff Raff as his first song on it.

Pre-slippage training...

I know some size 5 trotters when I see them, no idea how KD stays upright.

Well somebody needs a ham shank.

Oh aye, last time I was home (pre-COVID) I was down North Shields fish quay, in The Ship's Cat, when Fender walked in. The place was empty but got canny busy once he come (assuming it was after a gig) I had no idea who he was but one of my mates was banging on about him. Anyway, at one point I was getting a drink and he stood next to me at the bar. I told him it was good to hear of a local lad doing well and I'll look out for his stuff. He said thanks, but after getting his drink he gave a look over both shoulders and lent towards me before saying "actually I'm not from here, I'm actually from South Shields which meant I was a massive lads fan but I switched allegiances as a 1992 bandwagon jumper despite that being two years before I was born, FTM" I was a bit taken aback but after thinking about it it makes sense given it's literally impossible for anyone to be born local to Newcastle and support them, everyone is born far away and bandwagon jumps provided you have any type of success in life.

That bush needs trimmed.

I'm sure he'll have a laugh with it and them as long as they're decent enough lads? (Starting to see the flaw in my argument).

That’ll show him.

AC Milan kicking themselves that they’re not Brentford

Going round to a mate's for a piss up with a few others. Him and another pal just helped shift the eldest back home this morning and I've had a busy week so looking forward to it then I've seen him post the bunting and a union jack with Liz's face on it in his back garden on WhatsApp. (They couldn't give a fuck really but I think they want an excuse). I'll just have to blank it out as I slowly get pissed in his outside bar.

Pearson's headband on the sofa look in his latest video is something to behold.

I'm gonna take a punt and suggest if brucey had got tory boy a seat in the directors box then he'd be a staunch ally.

Objectively I think McClaren is a decent coach, but a shit manager. I think he's probably realised that as well.