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Glad to see we still have the required levels of deference on the board.

"where you stanin marra?" "Next to lidl marra. FTM"

Longstaff's agent spotted outside SJP this morning.

The wife is out for the evening. Kids in bed. xW just went through the roof

The xG is six days

Tbf if they were to do that I’m almost hoping they win. Imagine a fucking open top bus parade through the streets of Sunlin, past the scope charity shop, and the Milligans pasty shop, all the lal lads and lassies (all MLFs) with their alsatians and staffy’s lining the streets, a week later Newcastle signing Lucas Pacqueta for £50m leads the headlines “weyyy warrabbout the newuz that Danny Batth reupped and is playing fowwuh for another year? Fuckin media man obsessed with them lot up the road”, after resigning Sunderland legend Jack Rodwell back on a free they lose their first 10 games of the season. Questions are asked of Alex Neil, why did they spend all their transfer budget on an open bus parade the massive lads fans ask. The Maggie coonts are playing scintillating stuff with their 6 new signings, another stretch in league one awaits the MLFs but they’d not have it any other way - no way would they trade places with the terrorist sympathizers, sure they’ll constantly hurl abuse at their players and managers mainly out of complete jealousy over what’s happening a few miles north but definitely wouldn’t swap marra. Still, they can add the memories of THAT wall outside Lidl in 2022 to the one on the same wall next to where the staffy’s do their love making in 1973.

Talking about how he can't get a stiffy anymore, sounds like you lads should listen to it tbh. PMs are open

Longstaffs last contract was £22k a week, I know a lad that’s family friends with the longstaffs. That’s how I also can deliver top class insider knowledge such as his lass drives a clapped out Corsa because Sean won’t buy her a new car, and his dad was Bruce’s infamous nark.

who do you think you are like - essembee?

If Tarquin’s aV* values dip below his xV projections, his sponsors, Twat Beard Oil, may pull their backing and look elsewhere… …guys. *annoying video

I would just like to add, I think you are all better than you have shown in the last few pages. I know at least some of you to be semi amusing. Some people think you are work shy fuckers who put no graft in to this forum, some others think you are gifted posters who lack the support required to post good stuff. There is definitely good posters in here, but support is waning and some ideas need bucked up or the summer transfer window might be a long one.

That service that I use, Dotbum got set up a couple of days after I was last speaking to you about it and it worked a dream. If you're interested, let me know and we'll get it sorted. I can't do anything about your stiffy situation though.

Interview with Paul Feriss on the latest Pod on the Tyne if anyone fancies a listen. HMHM/PaddockLad, if you two need help with what a podcast is, how you listen to one etc, just drop me a PM. It's no bother.

Poor Peter Andre, sitting at home mind his own business and opens up Twitter:

Just pitching in to say- fuck the Royals. All of them. With a rusty poker. Cunts whinge on about familys on benefits getting an extra £20 a week, and these fucking über scroungers have had us paying to keep them in caviar, gold toilets and trafficked underage girls for centuries.

When new people start at my work they get this stupid cheesy icebreaker questionnaire that gets put up on Teams. The number of dickheads who put the Queen down as person they most admire ffs. Written off before I've even had to meet them. Very efficient.

There's no way it's gpnna skip Charlie. He's been waiting all of his life for it. Just waiting until that boring cunt Willy and bucket fanny Kate are in the suite.

It's the Wycombe manager apparently. Oh no wait, they're managed by Andrew Eldridge.

Get yourself there with a NUFC shirt on and you can be the 'Mag in the crowd' to get them paranoid and upset.

'I want me friends to come and play games with me' Why? Because nasty wasty Jonjo takes the piss out of you? Fanny

I know someone had mentioned they thought ASMs nose was put out of joint with all the attention Bruno has been getting, while I wasn’t sure about it that comment honestly seems to lean that way a little to me. I’d also definitely lean in favor of Bruno’s opinion on players to bring in, wasn’t the last of ASM’s mates we got that part time Aussie brickie that Bruce allowed to join the reserves? .

I wasn’t around but it still gets referenced enough for me to know the whole fucking story!

This is so fucking dull. When do we play someone our next game?

Why the fuck do I need to listen to some other cunts opinions about football? There’s something fuckin wrong with you mate if you need to be told what’s just happened in the game

I'll give it a listen as long as it's not some bearded hipster saying 'nice one' every couple of minutes and not knowing what to ask and when to ask it or pick up on answers as they weren't there and so miss the nuances but rest assured they'll be on BBC or wherever talking about things and players before they were cognisant of anything to do with NUFC. (His 'Boy on the shed' book was one of, if not the best footballer's autobiography I've ever read).

I don’t know mate his defensive stats look solid enough to me

Aye, I think it's in St. Paul's Letter to the Corinthians somewhere.

Get rid of the lot when Liz shuffles orf this mortal coil, fuck Charles, William, Harry et al. Let's hope the daily mail can find another child to fawn over in a five page pull out than the latest one to emerge through any 'royals' fanny lips.

She's been a good queen. But that is purely by chance rather than design. I am definitely a staunch republican. The royal family are the very definition of privilege and antithesis of meritocracy. The royals are at the apex of a class system which gave us the likes of Johnson. Now I know their abolition won't fix this, you just ned to look at the US to see this, but its an antiquated institution with no place in modern society and there abolition is necessary if we are to become a truly progressive society. Having said all that though, like most things I'm less bothered about them than say 20 years ago. I think William will ensure the institution outlasts me. The next bad monarch though will be the end of them.

I mean if Putin ends up at the Hague, there's his motive.

TBH We need ruthless. We can't be nostalgic with the legacy squad. Let's be honest, it's been 5 years since we won the Championship. The majority should have been moved on years ago.

Day 13 of "Beergate" ffs!

Howe is willing to sell at least 10 players according to The Sun, including Saint-Maximin, Almiron and Lascelles. Flogging ASM and Almiron and replacing them with Lingard and Sarr (to pick him somewhat out of a hat) lands you 10 more goals a season easily, whether it through them directly or assists, I reckon. Big fan of ruthless Eddie Howe tbh. Putting Lascelles in against Man City so he has an excuse for selling him because it went tits up

I would like to see go; Lascelles. Been a great servant, but has totally lost the ability to be a Prem footballer. ASM. I don't buy the get better players around him. He hasn't responded to Howe, he is a self centred heed band wearing lazy cunt. Sean Longstaff. Looks more like a site labourer than a footballer. Ciaran Clark. League One defender now. Jeff Hendrick. Has he even played for QPR yet? Dwight Gayle. He was mint for us in the Champ and he served us well and got us back up. His level is the Championship. He is the one player that stinks of Ashleys regime. Keep him on as it's cheaper than buying new, Jamal Lewis. Just not good enough. Karl Darlow. As above. Matty Longstaff. As above. There are other players that it wouldn't bother me if they stayed or left. Ritchie - His contract is up next year, but I would think he is a canny lad around the dressing room. Fede - Should be ahead of Lascelles IMO. Miggy. He's looked slightly better recently, but really, he has fuck all end product. Krafth. Without a decent CB next to him he isn't stable, He's been miles better recently and MOTM contender in some games, but surly we need better cover for Trips. Gillespie. Another Ashley turd smelling up the place That leaves us with a lot of players to buy this summer, but i cannot see that happening at all.

Fixtures weren't kind on that front. They were kind at the start of the season which is why Bruce should be shot again retrospectively for being that shite.

ALL FUCKIN WYCOMBE ARENT WE?? 🙏

Nah, keeping it private is just another way to exploit workers. All Denmarks salaries are available to view and it's lead to higher wages across the board, especially at the bottom end

you think this is tedious? Be thankful you weren’t around during the semi-legendary “is viana a defensive midfielder?” debate of 2004

HM MLF tbh.

I think Howay mentioned the stats don’t tell the whole story because you can play a pass to someone that theoretically creates a chance but the quality / timing of the pass makes it more difficult. He’s very proficient in the art of that

Mackems man, never learn. Also having an open top bus celebration for getting into the championship!?

Aye, it's as much about getting the right personalities for the average midtable Premier League player, as it is bringing in someone like Bruno. We need Trippier-types, not Shelvey-type. The Lascelles of 2015/16, not the beaten man he is now.

She's a monarch that will be talked about for centuries to come - up there with with the likes of Henry VIII & Victoria. In 70 years on the throne she has made precious few errors in judgement, it's remarkable. I am definitely not a 'staunch republican' but I am strongly in favour of the entity of the 'Royal Family' being significantly reduced. Thankfully it seems that both Charles and William are of this view as well. I wouldn't be at all surprised if one of Charles's first tasks as monarch is to completely cut his brother and youngest son loose.

Too blonde, didn’t read

Sounds like a Barry Bennell type. You did the right thing Dave.

Stop reading MSNs sports reporting then