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"Like Alannis Morrisette said once back in the days of entertaining Newcastle United sides, 'Isn't it ironic, don't you think?' Once loudmouthed, cockney gobshites with holsten piss on their shirts buying our best players plus Kevin Scott and Ruel Fox to now showcasing Son and Kane for NUFC to see if we're interested in buying them? Lol. This is your match thread and I'm the people's chosen reporter, been there, marched up seven sisters, watched some frisk just a few yards away and now telling it like it is, straight from the shoulder like one of my mentors, one John Gibson esq. 'Caaaamm on you Spuuuurs', nar son, pipe doon, the proper chanters are in the smurk today to show you how supping, crooning and hopefully how football is done. Laters, Ryder and out!"

Billy-no-mates bumped into him when Defoe was taking his recycling into the Tesco parking lot around 5pm that day and he scarpered quick. Gandaft: "All right Jermain lad? How's playing for the mighty red and whites?" JD: "Well..." Gandaft: "I'm coming in with a big bid, any day now, major foreign investors backing me, Jermain. Can't name them but one starts with 'A' and ends in 'Mazon'. JD: "Right Billy, if I could just get to the glass and plastic--" Gandaft: "What're you on at Sunderland? Can't be too much, right? What, er, 10k a week? Five? Maybe we can renegotiate that once I've bought the club. You ever heard of Rich Energy?" JD: "Fuck's sake, I've got to get out of this shithole." Gandaft: "Where are you going Jermain, we've not taken a selfie yet? (shouting) Hashtag entrepreneur!"

Nick Hammond: “Newcastle came (to me) a couple of weeks before the beginning of December.” “To me, it was a really interesting and quite exciting opportunity to come and work with the new owners, of which there are three groups; with Eddie Howe, who I knew from being in the game for a long time; and Steve Nickson, an extremely good, experienced Head of Recruitment." “This was a second time I’d provided a consultancy service for a team through a window. The first time I did was with Celtic through the summer 2019 window." “Newcastle have a long-term plan, for sure, but they had a short-term problem when we were going into the January window. Quite clearly they wanted to appoint a new CEO, a new Sporting Director and build the club out from there, but in the short term they were approaching the January window and looking for someone who had a degree of experience navigating trough the complexities of any transfer window, let alone a January window." “My job, really, was to advise the owners in relation to the players, the due diligence around the players and the financial aspects of the deals they were trying to complete. “I said to the guys at the start, this will be the hardest transfer window you’ll probably ever have, because you are literally a group of people coming together in a very short space of time and having to hit the ground running." “Fortunately there’s a very experienced Head Coach there, a very clear thinking guy, very precise in terms of what he wants and what he wanted, which is critical for a Head Coach - that clarity that comes from them is massively important. Fortunately Eddie Howe gave that to the people dealing with the transfer window at Newcastle.” Hammond has two decades of experience as a Technical Director, which began at Reading, where he had previously been their Academy Manager. The role at Newcastle was different to the one he would traditionally do." “My role (at Newcastle) was a little bit more in the background than I would be as a normal Sporting Director.” “As a Sporting Director over my career I would lead the discussions, lead the negotiations with potential signings." “This role was sort of a step removed from that, doing the checks and balances in the background, having an opinion on the players who had already been identified by Steve Nickson and his team, having taken a good steer from Eddie Howe, the new Head Coach, who had to make very quick decisions in terms of where he saw his squad.” "It was a fascinating experience, I thoroughly enjoyed it, but very challenging time for them (the owners)." "It was interesting in as much as here you’ve got a group of people who all want to achieve the same thing but they’re new, they’re almost thrown together." "I don’t mean that in a haphazard way, but new group of owners; new Head Coach; Steve, who’s been in the building for a long time, and all of a sudden in a very short space of time you’ve got to come together and make some decisions to try and strengthen the team for what is the short term ambition of staying in the Premier League." https://trainingground.guru/articles/nick-hammond-helping-newcastle-navigate-the-january-transfer-window

Nae cunt leaves here until we knaw wat cunt did it.

It’s been my old man’s funeral today and I am pissed, but I could and might write a story about the kids/money/talent/age stuff

"The only prediction ah'm ganna make is that the beer will get hammered and mebbees Tottenham will anah'll. Lol. Laters!"

Now then…

Again, the majority of Newcastle United fans don’t defend Saudi Arabia in any way, shape, or form. They’re welcome to keep getting wound up about Saudi Arabia but their anger and name changes are meaningless. They really should leave the paedo stuff alone mind. A whole stadium of their fans loudly chanted support for one.

We've had Magedia, Almoron and a few more genius plays on words. This fella has just won gold. Newcsavile United! Skylon is at the forefront of world human rights issues and loves banging on about paedophiles.

I never knew Alannis “entertained” the team back in the day, the durty bint. Serious scoop from Lee like. He oughta know.

Kane has never been ABLE to FIRE past Burn. 2-0 to us.

Need to see some of his off the ball running on tv before I make a judgment

Aye, in-character thread post or GTFO

I think your loyal puntahz demand it. Lolz, laters

He’s not actually interested in the human rights argument which is why his article on Man United being taken over by PIF didn’t mention it once.

Richards is from Yorkshire. But given that over just the last few days Wyki has had a go at the Jews and the disableds then it's no surprise he's gunning for the blacks now.

Alex Neil: ‘I think it's difficult with somebody like Jermain, with the career he has had and what he has done, you know as a player when you feel that it is time. And unfortunately for Jermain, he got to that point. ‘I'll be honest. It was a bit of a surprise, it was a shock. ‘There weren't a lot of conversations prior to it, he trained that day, he trained well, he was fine, and the next minute we got word that he wanted to call it a day. ‘I have spoken to him since, but at the time I think it was a bit of a shock to everybody. It certainly wasn't something that was being spoken about regularly - maybe behind the scenes, but it wasn't a natural conversation that me and him had had leading up to it. ‘He's made his decision and we have to respect that, and we wish him all the best but we have to move on and try to win these remaining games.’

It was a great send off mate thanks for asking. some of you will know I played for a couple of professional clubs as a youngster (sheff wed and Sunderland) up until the offering pro terms or letting you go. There is a lot of tales told about young footballers that are nonsense, and as I said there could be a book written about it but safe to say a lot of peoples opinions of young footballers are wrong (or were, 20 years ago)

That podcast is shite tbh. Thick Lancashire cunt who thinks he's paddy mcguinness. Who's equally a cunt.

Anyone got Danny B’s number?

Anyone mentioned Shola? Always hard to hate but he was one who sung from Ashley’s hymn sheet & now he’s coming out and taking a pop at him. Pity he couldn’t manage to LOAN HIMSELF SOME DIGNITY

“If I have to make a tackle then I have already made a mistake”

Steve Barnes had a lot to think about. He wondered. Would be be able to win both awards? Himself. Next month? He slipped into his 2012 Prius, top of the range, and thought he just might. Barnes allowed himself a wry grin as he silently headed toward the A38 gyratory and ripped into his last emergency Ginsters. Yes, next month I can do it. Wuhz can do it.

NUFC player of the month. Even our players won a few of them under Bruce.

with ryder at the helm, we can't lose

Fuck me, I can never ever go back to doing a thread now

The JOCK DEFENDERS are out in full force today. Hunker down Dave.

We haven't done too badly at Spurs even in the Ashley years, we'll not be favourites but any result here wouldn't be a surprise. Might start it myself as my only visit to Spurs we won as well. Majority say 'no way José' then I'll defer it to someone else.....

Out policing the police

He could easily report on the draw from home, it'll be on tv. What worthwhile insight is he going to get out in the sun or from his lovely hotel room on company dollar...oh right.

Interesting post, cheers. Not had time to digest it all and personally I don't believe things are organised to the extent you suggest. I think capitalism will always evolve into something worse aided and abetted by people who percieve they benefit, even when they don't. Interested in this bit, really? From my experience young people will jump at yhe chance to work for a multinational. The pay at P&G In palmersville is better than most other places, and think their T&Cs are okay too. In contrast, I left the public sector mainly because of shit pay. T&Cs technically good but implemented by a ruthless HR department who couldn't give a shit about your welfare. In the space of a year, a smallish SME, my company, has been taken over by a larger US-Irish company, which in turn has been taken over by a huge US company. This company was then sold to a US private equity firm, the same ones that now own Morrisons. I looked at the global organisational chart yesterday and I have 9 managers above me. Fucking hell, depressing. So far my benefits are still good but we'll see. Same thing has happened to my wife, but she's not been so lucky with her working conditions. I just hope to cling on for a decade and retire with enough wedge to be comfortable at this stage. Should be doable but I massively fear for the generations below me.

You say potato… I say potato, so I do.

Aye, all the mackems questioning his decision making over this just have to look at the fact he actually went back there to see it’s not his forté.

With Defoe the surprising thing is that he didn't wait until the end of the season. He obviously doesn't reckon he can score the odd goal that could make a difference to their season and clearly doesn't think he can end his career with a victory at Wembley. He's clearly rocked up there and after a few weeks thought to himself, 'I've made a big fucking mistake'.

@wykikitoon- are you going to just let this Mick call you racist?

You really do just hate everyone dont you?

Whether it's players drinking or getting depressed or just going off the rails generally, it's amazing how football is only just starting to wake up to the whole thing he says about throwing kids into this environment with tons of money and no support. Though I suppose it's the other side of the coin from all the ex-pros who've said how empty their lives felt once they retired. At either end you'd think there must be more that can be done. Even if you think purely in cold financial terms, where the kids are concerned in particular, surely it's in the clubs' interest to spend a bit of time and money to protect what could be high-value assets that end up going to waste.

@catmag, you’ll want to avoid this last page

Nice bit of writing on my hood (and broadly yours too @Dr Gloom) https://www.theguardian.com/football/2022/mar/31/south-london-crucible-for-black-british-footballers

Triggered Let's assume you're Steve Nickson, EH asks for an up and coming LB, do you disregard sending a scout to Bologna on the strength of his stats?...

in ryder we trust

Done.

CT'dYP

I think the old Camelopard measurement system was banned by the EU. This is just another example of taking back control

He’s absolutely fucking class. It’s going to be great watching him for us, especially once our front line improves and is able to really capitalize on his passing.

You sure he's not an Erasure gig?