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Chelsea They bring on Kepa in the last minute of extra time for penalties who then fails to save a single one and blazes his penalty over the bar to lose it for them.

Right, fanny magnets, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Spreadsheet update time - now with extra places featured, and a brand new column (with conditional formatting!)...! Key points: Howe's points per game improves again, as does Hodgson's and Dyche's Every other manager below us lost, so their PPG is headed in the wrong direction at the wrong time The final column shows the difference between the PPG required to get to 36 points (arbitrary) between now and the end of the season, and the PPG that that manager has achieved so far. I've added formatting so that if you're outperforming you get Green, if you're within 0.5 points of what's needed you get Amber, and if you need more than a 0.5 points per game improvement you get Red. Obvious thing to notice here is, firstly Howe is the ONLY manager in the list that is currently beating the PPG required to get to 36, and beating it fairly comfortably Second obvious thing is that Watford and Norwich are the two that look to have the biggest mountain to climb. Not exactly new news, but it does underline just how much of an improvement they'd have to muster to escape the drop Of the teams remaining, it looks like a straight 4-way scrap to avoid 18th - Lampard has the least to do in terms of PPG* (much to my disgust), but it's marginal. Leeds have a new manager incoming, Eriksen is going to start turning out more for Brentford, and Burnley are the form team out of the four, so who knows *Lampard has the least to do based on Everton's PPG average for season to date, but most of that was Rafa's work. Lampard is currently doing worse that that, but he's only had 4 games in charge in the league (P4, W1, L3), so I've used their season to date average instead. This concludes the lecture. Class dismissed.

In a game we had 63% possession and 11 shots on target to their 1, but aye Paul who knows eh. The next few years of watching Merson twist and bitch is going to be fucking hilarious.

I fucking love that Derek Wright is still around and involved, I miss his sprints onto the pitch though. Also just watching motd and loving that Man U v Watford is on second last almost as an afterthought. I strongly approve of this shit......

... with largely the same players too. Absolutely damning indictment of the fat cabbage prick!

I'm still on the cautious side of the fence I think. We've done absolutely brilliantly against the sides we needed to put to the sword, the defence all of a sudden looks organised and each player knows their job. Im a Krafth critic but even he played well yesterday both defending and going forward. I'd have said our midfield 3 have been the biggest difference to our fortunes as all 3 are unrecognisable from who they were during the first months of the season, but that would be an injustice also to the likes of Fraser and Murphy who have been tireless in attack. Top and bottom of it, is that from front to back and inside out this club has been transformed from the poisonous void it was back in September to something which the fans and players now believe in. Howe and his team have been integral to that, as much as the new owners have. I'm trying to temper any excitement until we are mathematically safe as it only takes a few poor results to get sucked in but it's difficult not to be excited when you see what has been done in just a few months.

Obviously I’m the nervous Nancy of the group, but this bloke is fucking delivering left right and centre and surpassing what anyone thought he could do here. Not just the climb up the table, but the way in which he’s gone about turning a bunch of misfits into a fighting machine. Its clear he literally lives and sleeps NUFC, whether that’s his 12 hour days at the training ground or his few hours off watching games and training videos. He’s now moved into an apartment but his family won’t be moving up til the summer. Unthinkable that he won’t at least see out his contract and hopefully here for many years after. What a leader and what an ambassador for the club.

I think the biggest, most effective change is that Howe fulfilled the most basic requirement of a manager- he’s made sure the team is fit. Unlike our previous incuntbent.

It is mental mind, he’s such a presence in central midfield you can see many opposition players just want no part of it. He’s been integral to this turnaround, and honestly we can’t heap enough praise on the bloke. From the position of being a laughing stock, he put his head down and just worked hard and now with this change in position it’s all clicking into place. If he can improve his range of passing, and start to improve his composure in the opposition area (not just shooting btw at times his head does seem to go in the area) he will be a complete midfielder. It’s just mad to be at the point where I wouldn’t bring in a Bissouma type, as I genuinely don’t think it improves on Joelinton . As I note above the manner of his hard working turnaround means it’s impossible not to be fucking buzzing for the bloke, the new ownership puts us in this weird new territory where we can just sit back and enjoy the growth in the player without fearing a “Joelinton is linked with a move to … this summer”. I can honestly see him getting a Brazil cap soon they play Fred regularly and he’s honestly not fit to lace Joelintons boots.

🎵Watch out Russia, We've got Prussia, Warsaw pact! Welcome back! But we still love our NATO crack! 🎶

CONDITIONAL FORMATTING!!

“ Ryan Fraser: “Even going into training and seeing things that inspire you on the walls. It’s been massive.” #nufc Ed Lasso

The defensive stats are absolutely staggering tbh, which is insanely encouraging given that was Howes area of weakness in his last job. He is clearly constantly improving and is hungry. Of course many will laugh at Staveley’s “we want him to be our Sir Alex Ferguson” comment but he’s basically the same age Ferguson was when he took over Manchester United, I’m obviously not saying he is going to be that level of manager but it shows how young he is and how much time he has to improve and grow as a coach. The people on the outside can scream all they want that it’s purely down to money, the same way they’re all still laughing that we rate Joelinton and he’s playing CM, in time they’ll learn how wrong they are. The same people were laughing at us signing Burn and Targett a few weeks back as well.

I'm not going to get carried away with Joelinton but I bet his cock is massive the absolute midfield titan that he is.

Just read somewhere on twitter “Joelintons had a bigger transformation than Bruce Jenner”.

He’s some boy, like. We’re also seeing that he’s getting a tune out of the squad as a whole with Murphy coming in and fitting in seamlessly and also coping without Trippier. I can’t wait to see what we look like when the summer sees another 4/5 players of genuine quality come in

The title's need time to ferment and process Dhaaaarling.

Saw Alex Neil being interviewed and he had the haunted eyes already. Poor fucker has only been in the job a few weeks and the grim cloud of doom that is Sunderland has changed him already

I was watching the True Faith post match reaction thing, and the lad in the ground was saying Joelinton was the last player to leave the pitch, and he just stood in front of the fans for a good 2 to 3 minutes by himself getting his name sung and loving life.

Fucking hell, it’s Prince Andrew.

He inherited eight of the players who started yesterday’s match and has improved every one of them.

The plot thickens.

Careful, son.

Has Joelinton been verified by KCG yet?

he’s not going to be the same level as Ferguson - he’s going to be better

We said the same coming out the ground yesterday, if he's not in the next Brazillian squad it'll be down to Bruno slagging him off behind his back to the coach out of jealousy

Honestly CT, I really like your posts recently and your optimism is welcome But I'm worn down by over a decade of political shit. There's no end to it. Brexit, covid, and now Putin. I'm burying my Dad on Thursday, also interning my sisters ashes with him, and this shit makes me want to get in the coffin with them. It's so stupid but I don't need this shit right now. Humans have fucked everything up.

Some Joelinton stats from yesterday for @essembeeofsunderland One goal Attempted more dribbles than any other Newcastle player. Won more duels and regained possession in the final third more than any of his teammates.

Putin on the blitz.

WBA fans probably praying The Cabbage follows form and jumps ship

Speaking of "Small time"

That’s what happens when you hand over stewardship at the last minute

I do indeed …

The competition for places has helped improve them was what I was trying to say. I'm not downplaying his input however.

So there’s still a chance of Champions League football next season!

He's got the signings right as well. The balance of a left footed centre half, the robbery of getting Targett on loan, who is better than Digne. Trippier traveling the length of the country to support the lads with his foot in a cast. Can't really criticise anything about the club at the minute. Class.

Got mixed up with Ryan Fraser's quite clearly.

mad isn’t it, he’s closer to the sun than anyone he should be deep brown.

Sorry for what you’re going through. Hopefully when you get this horrible week over you can start to see some light and I’m sure many happier times ahead

Yeh who would have thought the Germans fancied themselves at war!

That would be so good

The usual suspects names being bandied around to replace him.

You pulling your finger out and sorting out the Brighton match thread is bigger than Bamford coming back!!!

Not an ounce, several tons in fact

Saying “why can’t we be like…” is very different from saying “we will be…” but I’m past thinking Edwards has the brain power to comprehend that (I know he’s likely being a wum but I ignore that now and just take the assumption it’s his actual beliefs as he’s offered no sensible commentary on anything to give me any reference point besides his usual bilge).

The feel good factor moment in this match wasn't Erikson completing his miracle recovery, it was Big Joe's joyous gallop to the away fans after his goal Had me grinning like a loon

Poor cunt. Easy to take the piss but this cunt is absolutely ruined.