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Wykiki’s Boss- “ Wahkehkeh, come int’office please” Wykiki- “ Oh fuck…*call HR” Wykiki’s Boss- “ Tha knows why for tha’s bin called in, does tha?” Wykiki- “ No Boss” Wykiki’s Boss-“ Tha’s bin laughin’ at t’Mentals again lad!” Wykiki- “Sorry Boss” Wykiki’s Boss- “ The father sent me a complaint from his home in Clitheroe!” Wykiki-“ Sorry Boss, I’ll pack my stuff “ Wykiki’s Boss- “ Nay lad, crack on-fuck the red rose Lancashire cunt”.

"Hello? Patreon? Ah yes, do you deal with toontastic subscriptions? I'd like to cancel mine. My name? JR Hartley, err, I mean, HMHM"

I'm here with my teapot to keep you lot from dying of an overdose of hope, its a public service free at the point of delivery . I'm basically TT NHS..... Gloom & CT are under observation. Preliminary tests suggest they need both a sedative and a straightener to level the soppy fuckers out. They've to share a bottle of bombay sapphire daily to keep them lucid yet morbid and be beaten around the head with a large inflatable bottle of Dog when they start to feel the need to wet themselves. Their pampers prescription was withdrawn at midnight on the 31st Jan in line with TT transfer window regulations Gemmill's prozac meds are being withdrawn pending a review forthwith, the happy clappy clown. Fucker carrying on as if he doesn't have a care in the world, who the fuck does he think he is, the Prime Minister?? ewerk isn't on any medication, he's dishing out punishment to those who are though as a leading enforcer for a paramilitary drug ring. You may have noticed a change in management here at TT recently?.well that was the result of a power struggle at the top of the organisation which resulted in a leading figure suddenly exiting . Obviously can't say any more at the moment but suffice to say Andrew may be the public face of this gig but it's still being run from Belfast, if you see what I mean 🤐 There will be another medication review this time next month. In the meantime remember: ITS NOT FUCKIN FOOTBALL MANAGER <message ends>

You wouldn't want you lads in the trenches, would you? I'd be there, geeing up spirits, great jokes, top shelf patter, loved by everyone, universally recognised as top shagger whenever we liberate local villages. Proper Captain Flashheart shit. And you and CT would be sat in the corner covered in piss and hugging one another.

Yep... Well.. After dipping my toe in and feeling ashamed or guilty if I don't keep up with what's going on politically. I'm out. I'll vote, but I'm not discussing shit anymore - because this whole thing has made something go pop in my head and I don't understand how we aren't in uprising as a nation. I seriously mean it. We've been through a pandemic with a PM who was alleged to have said "let the bodies pile high" and has absolutely took the piss and undermined not just politics, but peoples faith and likelyhood to comply to any future heathcare measures we need. He's also willing to stoke a fucking war , with the 60,000 troops we have after vicious cuts, just to save his "career" ? I'd go to London in a fuckin heartbeat if we could get 1 million people to block the fucker from getting in in the morning. Fuck them all - obvious corruption and our country seems so tribal, we appear to have become a mini USA.

Steve Bruce was a Malaka in his playing days. Still is as a manager weirdly enough.

It's what Cummings does. He isn't the genius he thinks he is. He's an arsonist. All he's good for is burning shit down. He has absolutely no idea how to build anything.

What a steaming pile of fucking shite.

We’ve got Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry Hobbit with the ring!

FYP

I think that with a new back line and a back line more in-keeping with Howe's approach to football, we'll not make so many cock ups. With a number 6 who is calm on the ball and good in possession the back line will be under less pressure and the attack will be better supported. Norwich and Leeds haven't improved their squads at all in the window. Honestly, it looks like Norwich are content to have a Premier League holiday every year or so. Leeds probably gambling that once their injuries calm down they'll be ok. Watford have done what Watford always do and gambled on a few young, cheap, foreign lads, but bringing in Hodgson might be shrewd. That said, if Hodgson was brought into any other team in the league I'd expect him to lift their results, but Watford... I dunno, might be ignorance, but I see them as a mercenary group who may not take his organisation on board. Burnley have gambled on Weghorst, but swapping one big striker for another one, doesn't seem to solve the problems they've got across the pitch. Everton have a really unbalanced squad, and I don't think signing two number 10s is great business. Unless I've misunderstood Ven de Beek's role? They're still pretty ponderous in the middle, in my eyes. Norwich, Watford and Burnley for the drop.

I shall be going with "Gee-ma-REICH" 🇩🇪 🇩🇪 🇩🇪

Ah fuck off.

On a related note, nice to see that today's wordle was inspired by @Dr Gloom's keks.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's hyperbole but I think it's safe to say that Bruno is the greatest player to have ever kicked a ball.

FFS mate he's a footballer not a public speaker.

Spurs the "big 6" stabbing each other in the back. I'm sure their "no sale to newcastle" policy will stand the test of time though https://theathletic.com/3104063/2022/02/02/tottenhams-transfer-window-signed-agreement-for-diaz-interest-in-dembele-and-jury-out-on-paratici/

Very common problem tbh - what that response basically says is "I'm not going to own this bad decision I made, so instead I'm going to pretend that no decision would have changed anything at all rather than accept that I made a mistake".

He cried off as well.

Wykiki blatantly would've let the two lads walk out of the 'Slaughtered Lamb' on a full moon night with only a scant 'Stay on road, lads, keep off the moors' bit of advice for their troubles.

It's happening.

Could be describing a significant section of their fan base there

Is that the bloke who shakes boxes of rice as backing noise for the insane chants he makes up in his mams attic? He’s a danger that bloke.

I know someone who knows and has worked with Cummings. Our conversations always go... Him: I know you don't like him, but honestly, he's a genius... Me: He's not. He's a cunt, fuck off with that shit. And that's the end of that.

First paragraph in the usual Donald Sinden-esque mode however second paragraph veers towards a minor cockney character from a 50's Ealing film but just as swiftly makes a sharp tack* north to finish it in the style of Brian Glover in the slaughtered lamb. Stevie, eat your heart out. *@Renton©

Trabzonspor can have Newcastle left back Jamal Lewis.

Parliamentary privilege is one of those things that generally work well in allowing MPs to speak freely about subjects without fear of prosecution. Of course it's a convention designed with the idea that it would only be used honourably. I doubt the participants in the Glorious Revolution envisaged that one day it would be used to make a baseless claim that the Leader of the Opposition was a paedophile enabler.

“Awyyrh heyrrd them Farbya Cannaerrvo rooomahs marraa, the mags ah propah rattled like”

He could probably afford to... :cuppa:

Fucking pissy pants. I'm on team Gemmill

Oh good

Listen, if you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm a REALLY NICE BLOKE. Scoobos gets a rough go of it on here, especially from ewerk, so when he comes bounding into the telly thread talking about his favourite show, and that show happens to be shit, you better fucking believe I'm gonna handle that situation like I'm defusing a bomb.

We just don't get it because we're not "rational" - "rational" people can see the arguments for Eugenics, Brexit, breaking lockdown protocols by driving in order to test your eyes, screaming at MPs on the steps of Westminster, live tweeting about political scandals unfolding like a giddy infant on Christmas day, etc. These are things "rational" people understand, and we mere mortals, irrational as we are, just can't see the greater truth.

'We haven't gone away you know'.

Kettle on, kit off. CT family motto.

Too busy ruining Brexit and carrying his holidays over.

'Bruno' it is then.

You're not wrong. But, some people still see him as a failed striker, when in truth he's never been a striker. He was just forced into the wrong position, in a broken system, under an incompetent dinosaur. Now we've an actual manager, who has actual ideas of how to play, he looks 10 times the player he was. Credit to him for getting outside help because he sure as shit wasn't getting it at the club when the Steves ruled the roost.

We're being set up for one big fall if he isn't Zico and Zidane's love child after the first five minutes of his debut.

FYP

Good craic from Gayle. Digging wykiki out of a hole there.