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Happy birthday. Your presents out front. You bought me a car?! No, an Uber. Now fuckoff.

Remember when they thought the two tossers that bought them using their own parachute payments were miles better to have than the billionaire that spunked fortunes on them? They are a fan base that fucking adored a neo nazi, and proudly backed a nonce, then have the brass neck to call themselves classy compared to us because some drunk idiot punched a horse. Never mind the shameful scenes when they had their day out at wembley and half of Sunderland bathed themselves in Trafalgar Square fountain while what I can only assume is a woman in their world voided her bowels and strutted around starkers in the fountain to the applause of the orc hoard. Despite all this they still genuinely think they’re some fondly thought of, impressive club. They really are the best local rivals you could dream of having mind. Even at our lowest ebb and a second relegation under Ashley they refused to kick on, in fact they started the magic run they’ve been on since, with such classic phrases that bit them on the arse like “cos weeeyah in the premeeahhh leyygue they aren’t”, “if we were playing the likes of Rotherham every weeyk we’d be top of the leyygue as well”, and who can forget “enjoy your trip to Burton”.

FFS I wasted 6 minutes on youtube and two tissues on this joker.

Trippier’s been texting his mates. “Come here it’s class, proper normcore, the hydrotherapy units are styled as old bins, very niche!”

Breaking - Digne will NOT be signing for Newcastle United. No way. Absolutely not happening. 🚫

Breech

Jimbo true to form with the other browser tabs there

Clubs fucking us over now will go on THE LIST in the long run. Man U want to be fucking careful or we’ll buy Ronaldo and make him work in the club shop.

Fuck it. I renounce my pissed pants. I AM OFFICIALLY DRY. DRY I FUCKING TELL YOU!

Sorry, was having a wank.

Especially for your colleagues.

Newcastle airport later today

Villa won’t ever kick on much more than their current level tbh. Digne clearly didn’t back himself like Bruno does, which is fine but we need players that have balls so massive they can barely run. Not ones with tiny minuscule balls like Digne.

He’s from Hampshire so he’ll still be a bit salty that his team is shit since Ferguson retired.

Wait it's fake. What a cunt.

I’m just waiting for one of these new signings to run their slick new SUV clean over Pearson at the training ground gate early February. ’Ay been ‘er pfffthor forththween howars! And aaaaaaaghugahaghahgahaggh!’

They’ll be fuming today. They’ve got a legitimate reason to be watching the TV today and we’re swinging out massive cocks all over the screen casually bidding more than they’re entire clubs worth for players none of us have heard of. (Apart from Diego/The Fish)

Mandy has been up all night and I can only assume the speed in which we’re moving is a result of a Coke-fuelled bender.

Is it possible that Targett has two fronts and that's why essembee fancies him so much?

Burn Ekitike Lingard Marcao All on the list that we are supposedly working on for today. Frankly I won't be satisfied unless we get at least 5 of the above.

I've a Chelsea-supporting ex-colleague trying to defend Southampton's assertion that matches re-arranged due to Covid should only involve players signed at the time the match was due to have been played. To not do so apparently would be the Premier League showing support of a team trying to buy success. Yes ...... a Chelsea fan! Oh, the fucking irony!

Finally went one further than wykiki. I thought I was bulletproof. I'm Icarus.

Oh, mate

Sounds like the Sue Gray report is gonna drop today. Classic tories, when they know everyone in the country is distracted by Newcastle absolutely taking the piss on Deadline Day.

BTW if Ekitike doesn't go through today, it sounds like it'll be because of delays introduced by Brexit, so make sure you all let CT and Asprilla know how you feel about that.

I'm done for today, look forward to reading about the new squad in the morning. Here's something for when you all get to @Monkeys Fist's shed. NSFW

Hugo Ekitike was born on the same day Hugo Viana signed for NUFC. (20 June 2002) HUGO FACTS

Adam Pearson assessing his YouTube upload work for the day.

Aye theyve had it good while they've been here, canny wages, very little training, hardly giving a shit about the game. Well bollocks to them

CT, you've got competition.

Lampard must be kicking himself he never waited another 24 hours before accepting the Everton job.

yoo hoo 👋

Watched Matt Targett's intro interview on the official site. I don't think we need to worry about him coming in with a big ego and disrupting the dressing room, fuuuuuuuck me. Describing in detail the conversation he had with his agent. "do I need to travel up tonight or can I wait til the morning" etc. Seems a nice level headed kid tbf, I'm just being a twat.

God I'm sorry to hear that. I feel the same way with my sister. At the same time I feel completely impotent about it. And you know, all this happening after he (allegedly) nearly died from covid himself. I genuinely wish he had. Sorry if that offends the gammon on here.

What a fantastic analyst Merson is btw, he’s just said Ramsey to Rangers doesn’t make a lot of sense as you have a Scottish team helping him get game time before Wales have to play Scotland. That’s definitely Rangers priority isn’t it Paul

bid tabled for…

Someone on N-O the other day was getting excited about the prospect of calling opposing strikers "Burn victims" which I quite enjoyed.

chris from hants puts his thinking hat on and comes to the conclusion we're the first club in football history to buy players to try and improve our league position. the thick cunt....

Is Ashley was still in charge ASM would have 100% been a Spurs player by 11 o’clock tonight.

Alreet speed demon, keep up.

We’re not fucking about are we? This is real life championship manager shit

Some of the names getting bandied about forn their next manager are mind boggling. Duncan Ferguson Jermaine Defoe John Terry Gus Poyet Roy Keane Then the usual suspects, sewpa Kev etc.... I mean, honestly I'd never even heard of their last 2 managers (Lee Johnson and Phil Parkinson) and I'd only ever heard of Jack Ross because I've an interest in St Mirren. What's the bets they'll end up with another nobody who'll get the usual abuse? I really hope Sunderland 'til I Die is still going, it's the most successful thing about the club.