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We just offer fucking nothing, did we have a shot on target other than the goal? It’s pathetic. I know I keep saying it but I just can’t get over how fucking rotten our CM is, the defence rightly catches a lot of flak but they get barely any screen from CM, and the attack gets no support whatsoever. When we attack and lose possession the ball basically ends up at our defence every fucking time, even if a loose ball comes out it has to go all the way back to our defence before it’s recycled back into an attack. It’s far too fucking slow, the opposition can reorganize and get back into position. There’s also just no switching of the play, it’s all down one side then slowly passed back and eventually might make its way across to the other side, no purpose, no attempt to force an over load, nothing. At this point I’m convinced you could pick a random lad out the crowd and they’d manage to give a better account of themself than Longstaff does, fucking Beefy is more nimble than the concrete booted bastard. Shelvey is Shelvey and won’t ever change, how we still have to watch that prick play after all these fucking years, we even had some bloke have the brass neck to come on here and proclaim he was a good player, that’s the level of Stockholm syndrome our fan base have after being tortured by these players. Joelinton is strong and has energy but he’s laughable on the ball most the time. If we haven’t brought in at least one CM I genuinely might skip watching the Leeds match as it’s just a waste of fucking time tbh, and I can’t watch Shelvey and Longstaff plod around together anymore, I just can’t man. I almost called for an ambulance when Shelvey fouled that bloke on the edge of our area early on, I couldn’t believe he could be moving that slow in real time, I thought I must be having some serious issue and seeing things in fucking slow motion, the Watford player seemed to close 30 yards in the time it took Shelvey to move 5 yards. We could have Beckenbauer and Nesta at CB but we aren’t winning games with this CM, they slow us down, don’t screen for the defence, and generally offer fuck all. I actually started to watch them closely on Watford corners and free kicks, the lack of urgency they made in getting out of the box made me almost thankful 14 years of Ashley which has borderline removed my love of Football as if I was as passionate about it as I was pre-Ashley I think my head would have exploded. I know people will say signing players is hard etc but how the fuck are we two weeks into a window and we have not improved on Sean Longstaff, and Jamal Lascelles? Why the actual fuck are we the only club with trillionaire owners who can’t seem to spend it? This must be some elaborate reality show to torture the entire support base of this club. I actually burst out laughing at Longstaffs shot during the first half, I genuinely don’t think I’ve seen a player have much more time and space in a PL game in my life, and he didn’t just miss he missed both high and wide , he has to be trolling.

Says more about him.

Here’s Luke, two bottles in on a Sunday and basically winning the internet today

Our centre midfield..... "Yeah I'll make that forward supporting run in a minute....."

I also enjoy that he acts like Hope was this horrible abuser when all he really did was run stories that literally were happening, or note statistics and decisions of Bruce’s tenure, and in return he harrasses Hope and calls him a rat. What a monumental little prick Alex Bruce is, not a surprise that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree mind as Steve Bruce is also a colossal fucking cunt too, something which I definitely can support simply from the conditions people who rent homes from him have to live in.

Alex man. Ah cannit understand it. I haven't even got a tweeting machine. You stick up for your dad, son.

We have looked decent enough in most of those games but shot ourselves in the foot again and again. It’s the opposite as a lit of games under the dinosaur when we looked shit but got fortunate wins bar this season. I do still think that it is mostly down to the lack of confidence to make things count. Until we go ahead players are too eager to make things happen. When it does finally happen they get too frightened to cling on a narrow lead. As shit as our players are I thing the main problem isn’t the lack of quality but psychological issues.

A £25k donation to the Tory party should smooth everything over.

I’ve not listened to any more than half a dozen NUFC podcasts in my life….I did listen to Newcastle natter first I think….that might explain it….

Was just going to post the same. Luke a big fan of the Bobby Ewing amnesia storyline.

It’s like Steve Bruce never happened.

Personally I’d like to see them pull through 👍

Rafa didn’t keep us up last time. He played football as dull as I’ve seen. He was undoubtedly the best manager NUFC could’ve had under Ashley’s regime but ffs, people need to move on from him. He’s 20 years past his best.

There’s fuck all chance of that. Two trips to the dry cleaners, at best.

Looking at it objectively I’d say we’re going down. I just can’t see us suddenly starting to perform, even when we play well the result escapes us one way or another. I’m not sure exactly what the problem is, certainly personnel for a start, the spine of the team has to be one of the weakest in the league. Also despite an apparent attacking philosophy we can’t seem to buy a goal & more often than not when we do score it’s not borne out of a system of play but individual brilliance which isn’t sustainable & certainly not something we can rely on.

Aye. Left out of the last 3 Dutch squads cos he's getting no first team action. It's a world Cup year, and as long as he can put "faster than a snail" on his CV, he's guaranteed the next 18 starts for us. Fanny.

Bien sur mon ami, aussi il est un sixfingeredsisterfucka, ZUT ALORS!!!

Am detecting the whiff of "frites de fromage" in this one

Still not the worst jeans I've seen recently

Disgusting trotters. I’m surprised no one’s mentioned the jeans. Looks like you’ve been raiding Jeremy Clarkson’s wardrobe

Just watching the Villa game on MOTD. For their 2 goals they had 7 or 8 players in and around the box. Little one-two's, stretching the Man U defence. Completely at odds with how we play. Im yet to be convinced by Howe I'm afraid. He can't influence the shite in our squad but he picks the formation and decides the tactics and playing a 1 man attack against Watford is poor. No surprise we managed 1 shot on target

Nails it. Uncoached for two years.

Latest addition to CT’s hard drive. Filed next to Gemmill’s knees

The main problem for me is that he has a philosophy which we just don’t have the players to implement. It would be hard to get the results anyway, mainly down the CM issues Howay has spoken about at length. There’s problems all over the park like but a more pragmatic approach in the short term might have reaped some better results.

I think we know which team Troops is batting for. Welcome aboard, good sir

"Ah just don't understand this new mangled phenomenon that just hurls out abuse, ah wouldn't know what buttons to press! Maybe I'm just old fashioned and......hang on a second, I've just got to make a bank transfer of my last NUFC payment to my Tenerife account."

CB and a CM before Leeds or it’s another potentially winnable game pissed away

I just can't get away with the majority I hear, even from some decent lads. When they've an old player on they're either too young and can't properly ask the questions I'd like to hear as they weren't there and haven't a clue or they start chatting shit and interrupting and stopping the ex-pro. I heard a TF one the other day with Barton and had to turn it off as the 'great stuff' interruptions and 'back in the day' clichés got a constant airing. I'd put it on to hear Barton's view of the side at the minute but for ten minutes all I heard was what the two lads doing the podcast got for Christmas 'back in the day' and asked Barton what he got? Just fucking nar, man. Two decent enough lads doing it and I've spoken to one of them before and he's a decent kid but I'd be absolutely fucked if I'd be paying for a patreon subscription when I couldn't bear listening for more than ten minutes free of charge. As for the others out there, including Wraith and the Brian Harvey lookalike I sometimes see on sky sports news........Fuck that.

Leicester had Cambiasso in midfield ffs He’d walk into our side now. And I mean him now.

Why wouldn’t you listen to a man that some people have said was a small cog in the takeover?

He’ll be attacking RNLI crews next

imagine we put together a three game winning run, starting at leeds, imagine if we sign a couple of top class players at CM and CD. imagine the change in mood. imagine daring to dream again. then remember this is newcastle utd

An interesting yardstick for Longstaff is Declan Rice. Longstaff at one point looked the better player. These days Rice is an absolute Rolls Royce of a footballer & Longstaff can barely muster any interest.

He’s just amazed by what Joelinton is able to do, for example Joelinton does this thing where he puts one foot in front of the other like Sean does when he walks but Joelinton somehow does it faster. Sean thought about trying it out but it seemed like a lot of effort.

If Longstaff couldn't believe the amount of criticism Joelinton was getting I sincerely hope he doesn't look at this MB.

It's a long way from over yet. remember what Leicester City did in 2015 Dead last on April 3rd but went on a winning run and finished 14th

Aye that would be fucking mental. I’m not convinced going back to a prior manager is the best idea anyway, plus it seems he basically hates the whole DoF model our owners seem to want. Howe deserves time and backing now which I hope he gets.

I know what you're saying but Joelinton was winning the ball and trying to set up attacks, but he did that for the left hand side i.e. helped ASM. Joelinton doesn't have the defensive attributes for DM (positioning, pasing and marking). Especially passing, a good DM breaks up play and passes it out, if he runs it out then he has to be part of a double pivot but we're getting way too technical now. As others have said, he's playing well in a box-to-box role, why move him? On the right, Dennis, Pedro and co were literally running past Longstaff and Shelvey. The DM is there to stop players running at the back 4, Shelevy can't play/ do that role because he is doesn't have the defensive attributes i.e. read the game, tackling or positioning. And he can't make up for it with his physical stats (think Joelinton's strength and work rate) e.g. 10 minutes in he slides and fouled the Watford man on the edge of the box despite the ball being a few yards away. I do agree we need some goals/ assist from midfield but if we're honest we need to overhaul the ENTIRE squad. Out of the few players we bring in, a couple should be defensive and a couple should be attacking. I posted earlier my 5 choices. I also think we need to use our loans wisely, there's a lot of "good" players out there for £50m+ that could flop and we don't have the money to waste cos of FFP (City and Chelsea literally wasted £500m cutting the dead wood from their squads). That's why loan-to-buy with high loan fees (subtracted from the buy fee) could be an excellent way to get genuine £50m+ talent while avoiding a £70m Pepe.

🎵 Shit fucking crossword It's just a shit fucking crossword Shit fucking crossword It's just a shit fucking crossword 🎶

No. 👍

Catch 22 though. Every game we drop points in the harder it is to convince good players to come to us. We look dead and buried looking at the table.

He's MOM nearly every week playing that role! Creativity and passing are pretty far down his list of attributes so I don't see the need to force him higher up the pitch. He's at his best when he picks up the ball as a sweeper and drives past the halfway line before laying it off to someone else

I don't think DM is a priority for us mind. Joelinton broke up all sorts of attacks in that position yesterday. What was blindingly obvious was the lack of creativity in the middle and someone with a bit of mobility to drop off and play a couple of triangles when we were looking to get away from their press. Hayden, Longstaff, Hendrick may as well be the same player and I'd happily get rid of all 3. Shelvey is slightly more useful as he can at least pick a pass. Also, if our game plan is going to be chucking balls in the box via ASM, Fraser, Murphy, Richie, Trippier etc. then we need to play 442 as Wood stood in the box on his own battling against 2 centre halves isn't going to get us goals

Don't get me wrong, I hope you don't let him in for the full three years. The shit he's pulled is dangerous, as you say he's given voice to a bunch of bellends.

signing wood is a head scratcher in that sense because he doesn’t fit howe’s pressing game at all. If you’re going to be pragmatic and sign an old fashioned target man, mix up the play and hit a few lomg balls up to him and start someone like Willock who can try to get close him. I appreciate we were desperate for any sort of centre forward in and he was available but using him the way we did I found quite odd and that’s on the manager.

Tl;dr