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Found this pic of Origi with Peter Withe, who’s not at AFCON Edit; Origi is tha lad in the checky top.

"Well diary, ah was the victim of a honey trap, the other day. Hell's Bells the editor asked me to drop in to see her and ah was positive it was a response to the 'meebees meet up for a drink after work?' line ah gave her last week. Nee such luck, she's mentioned a few times about us doing newsletters to help the sinking Ronny Gill get traffic but ah'd managed to evade it like a dropped shoulder from one Peter Beardsley once of the shrine of St. James' Park but this time she had iz by the balls but not in the way ah'd invisag, invisual, err saw coming. After agreeing to do it she then suggested ah put out a leaflet campaign to promote it as not ah'll me loyal punters were on social media. Being an intrepid reporter you get to basically be a manager as well so ah got on the phone to an old mate, 'Hoppalong' who worked at an employment agency, he didn't have a limp or owt, his name was Davey Cassidy, and asked him to supply is with a kid forra day just to deliver the leaflets. Ah'd given him the email address for accounts to bill and made it known ah'd be expecting a couple of pints 'Holy Peroni' from him next time ah seen him in the club for the business ah was putting his way. Anyways, eventually a kid gets sent up from reception and ah asked his name? 'Wazis' he gans. Ah laughed and said "wos-zeeze? They're fucking leaflets you're going to deliver forriz, wor kid!" and had a little chuckle whilst my former apprentice, Chris Waugh who'd popped in to say hello shook his head. Even now he's left for the athletic he probably still can't believe the craic he used to get here. Anyways, later on that day there was a complaint from some miserable cunt from the coast saying some kid had dumped a big bag of leaflets in his front garden and it was attracting a load of seagulls. Y'knaa what it fucking is?! Hoppalong must've sent the first useless cunt he had who couldn't even talk English and he'd took the bit and just dumped my stuff first opportunity. Ah half admired his style to be honest so ah said fuck ah'll to Hoppalong, telt Hell's Bells it'd been sorted then quickly typed oot some generic shite for the newsletter and was in the club at seven bells waiting for a certain Mr Cassidy to hit the mahogany and get me a pint or two! Lol. Contacts, yiv gotta have friends with fucking dividends. Laters."

PL as Origi tries to explain to him that he's not at AFCON.

Wykiki and Gloom to record a duet of Islands in the Stream by the end of the week.

Half this board haven’t kept clean sheets lately.

So is this going to be the week when Amanda Staveley can finally say that she's getting the hang of this football lark?

Anyone know if Raheem Sterling is at ACON? Asking for PaddockLad.

of course he is

He's wrong He's a shit signing, there is near unanimous agreement on this on the SMB.

Linked with Croatian wonderkid Silvio Dicklick tomorrow. You heard it here first.

Staveley: "Wood's an option but we're not paying the daft money Burnley will demand because it'll fuck them, never mind. Five seconds later...... "Obviously none my business, chief, but the boy Wood's got a release clause in the region of twenny miwl. Anyway, as I say, none of my business, Princess. As you, were, treacle."

£20m for a 30 year old? Mike Ashley would be turning in his grave. If only the fat cunt were dead.

If you think I have the time to spend all day on Twitter spouting absolute shite while simultaneously doing the same thing on here then you have massively over-estimated my capabilities.

Team Willy Waver chief Gemmill last seen heading to a&e with his tail between his legs due to excessive chaffing

I might actually be able to buy a Newcastle shirt somewhere in this country if this goes through

I think we should ask Sunderland how they managed to sign Will Grigg. Certainly that’s the way to do it.

The cast of characters? Finally, Malla gets his time to shine!

Shooting yourself with one of those weapons will stop you from dying of covid, too.

Having a medical tonight. Chris Wood? More like Chris Has! Signed that is

He's just completed his hat trick.

Chris MAGuire

New category required, bed slightly damp.

The verdict from the Burnley fans I know this morning is that they're livid at the release clause being so low and quite sure that this absolutely condemns them to relegation. This is a smart signing for us.

Just been quoted £1m for this French kid on FM22. We’re being led down the garden path here

For the love child of Postman Pat and Susan Boyle he actually speaks pretty well.

On FM22 I put out so many offers for players that I completely forget I've bought some of them. It's an absolute thrill when you turn up to select a team and there's a bloke there that you don't even remember signing. I pray Eddie Howe has this feeling at the start of February.

We're the richest club in the world. If Chris Wood has a release clause then sign him, play him in our next two matches then drop him from the squad once we get our preferred target in at the end of the window. Gangster shit like that.

I remember watching Pseudo Diego support The Fish at the Cluny in 2005

He's not the anti-Fish. He's Fish 2.0

Yeah, that well know Flemish surname Origi I couldn't remember who the fuck he played for and I couldn't be arsed to look it up. I'm the anti-Fish here, I wouldn't have thought it was necessary to have an encyclopedic knowledge of Liverpool squad members on a NUFC message board. And to the ones hoping that we'd sign him and were actually commenting to that effect, why didn't you make the fuckin link before now between his availability and ACON? Why was it left to shit for brains here?

Brighton want £50m for Bissouma* apparently. No sexual assault discount available. *FAO PaddockLad, Bissouma IS at ACON.

Belgium do need to win a trophy with their golden generation eh.

Big news for all fans of the North East Regional Sports Reporter of the Year 2014 Sign up for Lee Ryder's new weekly Newcastle United newsletter Our Chief Newcastle United Writer Lee Ryder is launching an exclusive weekly newsletter. Here's what he has to say on what subscribers can expect: "It feels like the right time to launch my exclusive newsletter, something I've wanted to do for a while. "As we start a whole new era at Saudi-backed Newcastle United this is your opportunity to get up close and personal at the very beginning of a new exciting chapter. "If you are a follower of me on Twitter or Facebook, you will know all about the type of coverage I aim to provide, right across the board from first-team to Under-23s and the club's Academy side. "I'll now be looking to take you even closer to what goes on behind the scenes at the club, and give you the story behind the story as well as talking to as many of the cast of characters at St James' Park as possible."

I’ve started reading the Fish’s posts in a Spanish accent and, honestly, they’re much better

We aren't really on speaking terms

Total. Did he forget about Perez the fucking crisp eating bell end.

Should’ve gone for Dyche as manager tbf.

First offer was release clause plus Hendrick which was rejected but new offer of just release clause grudgingly accepted by Burnley.

Get your sheets on the line.

Done a good job of keeping former NUFC donkey Slimani at bay. This mickey mouse Algeria side was bigged up as one of the favorites. Must be having a laugh. The mysterious cabal of Algiers-based businessmen has obviously been influencing the algedia.

And just like that our man is back

Yesterday for the first time 😅