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And then the correct version from Diego please.

Dunno but I'm looking forward to CT doing a version of "phenomenon" as a chant.

Pick a side: Willy wavers can rally around Gemmill. Bed-wetters of the world unite with me and Wykiki. You’re either with us or against us

There are not new strips but I want to show you my Newcastle shirts. I was shirt football collector since I was a child. I have more than 100 pieces in general. First Newcastle shirt I get was 2007-2008 shirt, when I was 15 years old. I admited, I was Michael Owen fan since Liverpool years and when we signed him I was very very amazed. So... I printed Owen in the back. Second I get was Alan Shearer (1997) shirt. I asked my father to get one for me as my Chritsmas presents near to 2010. My family was always involved in sportives brands. Puma, Adidas, Nike, Mizuno... So my father could get me one (also a Fiorentina shirt). The year we played in Championship in 2009 I was obsesed with yellow/orange stripes shirt. But I have never get it. Next I have was the year we come back to Premier League, with Andy Carroll in the back. My cousin bought the same and, when his shirt arrived, Andy was Liverpool player hahaa. Later, I get Ben Arfa shirt the year we finished 5th. It was orange alternative shirt. I adquired the home shirt the year we played again in Championship. And last I have, it was a DhGate Replica of 1995-1996 away shirt with Ginola in the back.

Agreed, my worry is they (from the outside) don’t seem to be showing enough urgency in general. Maybe they’re trying really hard and just getting brick walled at every turn, but my worry is I thought the manager search was a little bit of a farce and took a bit too long, I let them off since they were brand new and a lot was going on. We still don’t have a DoF - if it’s the model they want they’ve had long enough, waiting is fine but you need to show a level of competency which they didn’t really show handling Howe and so far aren’t showing in the transfer market. Regarding the window, I was worried no bids were going in prior to the window, I played it off thinking maybe it’s all behind the scenes but then the Trippier deal took pretty much a week to get done, during that time we put in a bid for one other player (two max if we did ever actually bid for Carlos). Over the weekend I’m now assuming no bids went in/discussions advanced? Again an outside assumption but the lack of movement in public today seems to lean to that. If they have given up on Botman I get it, Lille asked to much or whatever things happen, but where’s the contingency? Have they had discussions with ANY other club? Or have they been laser focused on Botman and are only now going to start looking elsewhere - if so our hand has been even further weakened as now all these clubs we are going into negotiations know we’ve missed out on our top target, have a defence that just had their pants pulled down by Joe Ironside, and have realistically 2 days to get at the very least 1 CB in so we can get them into training ahead of Watford. Maybe I’m being harsh but honestly they’re not moving decisively enough. I don’t know what’s stopping them putting in bids for multiple targets at once and seeing how the bids are received, it may even strengthen our hand (a little bit) if clubs sense we might go elsewhere and clearly have other options as we have bids in. Again, maybe I’m being unrealistic or maybe things are happening that we aren’t seeing but so far all I’m seeing is very slow movement and them focusing on trying to pay what they see as a completely fair price.

Due to starting work at the ungodly hour of 6a.m. this morning, my nipsy decided to have a lie-in and wasn’t having it when I did my morning ablutions. As expected, at around 9:30 Captain Cack started knocking on the back door, and by 10:00 he was kicking it down. Luckily I’m on a rural route today, and was heading towards Alston. Found a suitable spot to pull over, headed in to the woods with the Shit Kit, and did a Bear Grylls. (The Shit Kit is several opaque plastic bags, plenty of bog roll, and a pack of wet wipes.) Jobby done, it’s then a case of tieing the literal parcel of shite to the passenger wing mirror and carrying on until a bin can be found. In this case, it was Allendale. It requires a certain combination of nonchalance and arrogance to stroll across the market square with last nights dinner swinging in a bag by your side, but luckily I’m short of neither, so the offending Baby’s Arm was duly deposited and I carried on with my day. The point to this long-winded Faecal Farce is that, possibly due to my pipecutter detecting the gentle breeze of Nature’s breath whistling down the Dark Canyon, I also drew an ace today. Giddup! Edit; Standing wipe, obvs.

Yeah. In 72 hours we've gone from bidding £70mil on 2 CB's and being interested in Vlahovic, to signing players from Burnley and Norwich, to all of our bids have been rejected and we are playing our relegation 6 pointer against Watford with no strikers

Mrs Sponge, "what are you laughing at?" We are just discussing the poetry of James Joyce and his muse on Toontastic, pet

Yeah I don't think they split the room. "OK you've all been given a number, either a 1 or a 2. Can all the number 2s step forward? OK lads, for you, things are going to get better. If we haven't asked you to step forward, it's cos you're a CUNT."

A lovely tribute to Alfred Wainwright

I mean, they've got a nerve claiming that's breaking news.

Been a while….. Does anyone on here manscape? Had a blast of this for the first time the other day with my Philips oneblade. Must’ve nicked my ballsack a few times cos the next time I got a good ball sweat on they were sore as fuck! The way your pube-free balls stick to your leg too isn’t the best feeling in the world. Its only a few days since I did it and there’s a fair bit grown back already and now they’re itchy as fuck. Can’t say I’ll be doing it again. 2 stars out of 5.

"Are you sure Glenn.....? We DOUBLE the current offer....?"

Interesting. What's his name though?

I’m standing next to my bed ready to piss at midday Thursday. It’ll start with a trickle but by 5pm it’s going to be soaked.

Remember kids, that's laser, not taser.

Alexa, remove Ndombele from my shopping list.

FYP

just give them what the want and sign the cunt now, or move on. we're not in a position to be haggling till late in the window. we need players in yesterday. we can strike a harder bargain in the summer if we manage to survive

The high pitched whine would have set off every dog in the NE.

I'd genuinely rather get relegated than have Gerard as manager

"Wait.... He's coming through..... Glenn says.... 'wait til Villa have agreed terms.... Then increase the bid'...."

Howe and Tindall staging séances. Shelvey as the spooky medium providing the voice of Glenn.

Being guided by Glenn Roeder from beyond the grave.

Just to add to the bed wetting, I'm also starting to wonder if we missed a trick picking Howe over Gerrard...

Can we call it Wednesday instead of Friday? To give a couple of days training to any new players? At least my sheets will be sopping by Wednesday if we don’t have anyone else in.

Trampus woke up in a bush this morning.

Nice one man! So, we meet at 8:30pm in Havana nature reserve car park, a well known dogging site ( so I’m told). We park up, flash our lights three times each, then exit the vehicles and approach each other, whilst wearing our IRA balaclavas. You shout “ Chinese Mouse!” in your most offensive Asian accent you can muster, I’ll recite some of James Joyce’s filth in my best Norn Iron accent. We make the switch, back away, never breaking our gaze, repeating our arranged lines. At no point do we even acknowledge the presence of shady blokes with rapidly wilting dicks in hands. Or, dm me your address and I’ll nip round at a suitable time. ( I’ll let the Littlewood reference slide this time, since you’re giving me a guitar for nowt, but… thin ice man, thin ice )

You know what? Fuck you Wolfgang.

I’m itk on Twitter and I understand that #nufc will not be signing some players they haven’t even tried to sign

Herr Farage is absolutely fucking shameless like. What a prize cunt

Too much of a mouthful. Get someone else.

Aye but your source was one of your daft twitter follows that even you had no faith in.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-59386261.amp and… https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-59937510 So, @Christmas Tree , having been comprehensively rinsed by a beginner 13yr old lass and a Spanish badger, is it time to hang up the bleepy stick yet?

Wait on. They have promised the players better times are ahead? I hope he means they spoke to Trippier and Joe and promised that because the rest of them in that dressing room at the weekend can go fuck.

I’m into vaccines that haven’t been distributed yet

Damn you Bill Gates and your iPhones!

I’m worried our lot are getting a bit too concerned with being ripped off. I understand not wanting to be pushed around but the reality is we are 19th, our squad is awful, we are desperate, we are minted, no one likes selling in this window, and everyone we are negotiating with knows all of this. We are going to have to accept being ripped off to a degree.

Yeh Wykiki is the HR botherer.

FYI in the UK by March 2021 there had been 126,000+ coronavirus deaths, that was from 4.25 million recorded cases at the time. Since then the UK have recorded an additional 10+ million cases and have added 22,000 more deaths. So pre April 2021 if you caught covid there was an approximately 3% chance of dying (30 in 1000 cases). Since April 2021 there is an approximately 0.22% chance of dying (2.2 in 1000 cases). @Asprilla

I'm doing sub 100g of carbs per day instead. Started again in January. Piece of piss and the weight is dropping off but I can still have potatoes and stuff. Keto is amazing but it can fuck off. And BTW we ALL know that the only reason you've come into the New Year without a muffin top is cos you had covid and ZERO taste over the Christmas.

BREAKING - CT needs to lose some holiday weight

And yet it's what you voted for.