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‘Though your return flight is with Parcel Force’.

Relax. I’ve just seen the author is.

If this was the mackems they’d be absolutely buzzing, and probably have some new besties sort of runs against the “everyone hates the mags” narrative doesn’t it? As always the case is most don’t really care about us

“ Hi Mike, Can you meet us at the embassy in Turkey to discuss a settlement in this case of yours? We’ll pay for all flights and disposal…cough… return travel- yes return travel, ahem, definitely return travel…”

I was under the impression that Cantwell wasn’t getting a game due to personal issues but I could be wrong on that. Either way, he’s a definite improvement on the likes of Fraser and Almiron IMO and is the kind of player we should be rounding the squad out with. Wood would (lol) be an easy signing for me, like. He’s an improvement on the striker which we have now which is nobody but on a more serious tack, outside of this season, his record has been more than solid, he’s a real physical presence, can hold the ball up, good at attacking corners and will relish Trippier knocking crosses into the box for him. It makes perfect sense to me. He’s a far better player than that flat track bully Mitrovic, like

Everyone hates the mags though marra

Signing Lukaku would give me Wood.

Chris Wood. but what would Chris do?

Hopefully that's the coffers empty for them and we can sign Botman in peace, without that scouse copycat sticking his beak in.

David Batty did a better version on Phil Stamp iirc

I reckon the Wood link is him trying to catch out some of the people hes accused of stealing his stories, hes a sad enough bastard to do it.

I, for one, am amazed that a French lad doesn’t fancy a battle [/Brexit]

Aye, everyone at the club, including the fucking players, has had the weekend off. Tomorrow I expect to see more TRANSFER WINDOW INSANITY. It's the most exciting thing about the club atm. Let's have deals agreed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday please.

Had three shits today and I’ve drawn an ace every time. Has anyone ever come close to such consistency?

As much as anything else, we just need players that aren't the ones we've currently got. Even a 10% ability upgrade with a 50% confidence/attitude/belief upgrade would be a lot better than what we saw yesterday.

I agree tbh, we know these players are fucking shite, we also know the club are trying to bring people in so the fans may as well carry on producing a good atmosphere. The bad atmosphere under Ashley made sense as we were watching turgid football and knew the ownership wasn’t bothered about improving and we had managers who didn’t give a flying fuck.

After yesterday I absolutely want him gone. I always thought he was worth keeping around due to the squad rules but tbh he’s completely fucked me off. He’s a lad from Newcastle, with the club on the verge of potentially having this insane level of improvement, wouldn’t you think he’d be grafting his bollocks off to improve/help the team? Like how Joelinton is despite all of his limitations. I know Joelinton is clearly a better athlete and presence but Longstaff could at least fucking run. To layer on he was happy to fuck off down the tunnel with the rest of the quitters while Trippier stood on the pitch yelling at them to clap the fans, his fellow geordies who sold out the fucking ground to watch him walk about the pitch putting on one of the worst individual performances I’ve seen (might be harsh? But it was honestly embarrassing). Again add on that he has allegedly been demanding £60k a week which is why there’s been no new deal, and pushing for a move to fucking Everton, again despite the project happening at his fucking hometown club! While people will point out he’s a limited player and will likely lose his spot that’s such a fucking losers attitude, if he grafts his fucking bollocks off he could possibly be a squad player, maybe even be around to win a cup with Newcastle - and honestly if he sees it that way I also don’t see him getting into Evertons CM neither so he’d be a squad member there anyway. Another thing I’ve heard is that it’s his dad leaking things to the chronic, so he’s likely the famous mole of Bruce’s shambolic reign - again as much as Bruce is a prick you’re exposing issues about your hometown club publicly. Seeing people like Manquillo, ASM, and Shelvey run off the pitch as fast as they could is bad enough but as noted above this lad has pissed me right off. I’d bring in a CM unregister him and put him in the U-23’s for the remainder of his contract.

If the crowd does turn ugly they deserve to be shot with shit.

Snap their fucking hands off

I'm quite happy having Wood and Lukaku.

I still really hope to see him bankrupt one day. The blokes an absolute cunt for a multitude of reasons. It would honestly be fucking hilarious if he lost this, then they countersued and rinsed him for £300m. I’ve absolutely no doubt that what ever he’s suing them for is minor/him being a greedy bastard.

I would take him to be honest. We need strikers, plural. And he may not be some stellar signing but he knows where the back of the net is and can hit the ground running.

Where’s the fun in that

Just waiting for the go ahead from Henry Mauriss.

I’m not sure a man with three league goals to his name all season is the answer to our problems.

Are you kidding me with that performance? This team, man. What an embarrassment! Great time for that type of result in one respect because it shows the owners precisely how shit the team of absolute plodders are that we put out each week. ASM is our best player on paper. On the pitch he's a fuckin dandy. Fuckin around with the ball way too much as per usual. No end product, whether it's shoot, pass, dribble, doesn't matter, always ends up the same -- nothing doing. Crowd were rightly getting on his case in the dying minutes when he continued to dally on it trying to nutmeg himself when we had six players waiting in the box for a cross. Kraft way too far away from his central defensive partner for the goal. He crowded over way to close to Trippier and left a massive space for the pass to go through the channel. Highlights as well that we really need a midfielder capable of recognising those situations and cutting things out. Need a midfielder in general because Longstaff was horrendous today. And when Willock came on for Murphy, he was even worse. Murphy was good though so kinda disappointing that he was substituted for Almiron. Almiron did his usual road-runner stint of *meep meep*'ing around and doing about as much as ASM. He's fast than ASM though so he gets to the point where he accomplishes fuck all faster, which, in theory, gives a chance for the game to resume quicker and we can then continue to hope someone else does something. So credit to him on that score, I guess. The lack of quality in front of goal was clear as day. I assume Gayle has COVID. Only explanation for his absence. Was he on the bench? I didn't look. Forget he existed, honestly, until I realised we didn't have a striker. Need one in the window. If it wasn't obvious before (which it was) it is now. Willock is fucked. I don't know if it's confidence or if he is just bad. But man he came on at 0-1 against a League One side in a poor team that he has been in-and-out of lately. Showed zero desire to do anything. Need a leftback. Ritchie did nothing in particular wrong tonight. But we know he ain't a leftback. Credit to their keeper. He had a great game. We hardly worked him at all in the second half, then he pulled out a worldie to keep BUJ's header out. Good game from him. But a decent striker in the side and he would've been beaten a few times in the first half during the few spells of pressure we put on them. Anyway, typical Newcastle. At least the owners got a solid reminder that the squad needs to be replaced in almost every position.

That’s why they’re where they are now. They put up with and ignore the obvious signs of the club being absolutely rotten to the core because they won some derbies and they’re still reaping the rewards.

I’ve got a bit of time for him on the basis we’ve had fuck all else in terms of someone who can beat a man / create something out of nothing. But the fact he fell over himself to praise the laziest fucking manager in the game speaks volumes imo.

on today's showing he wouldn't pass to them anyway.

Another fun little FM2006 Easter egg uncovered! If you add the Hungarian league with full detail, you can sign a 42-year-old Viktor Orban - yes, the actual fascist Hungarian leader, who used to play for his local club - and make him the scapegoat of your failing team.

Cameroon 2-1 Burkina Faso: Engaging match between the hosts and a decent BF side. Comedy defending gifted two penalties to Cameroon, without which they might not have scored. BF had scored the opener after Cameroon's keeper flapped at a simple cross. Not doing the stereotypes of African keepers any favors. Aboubakar is a good striker with a solid scoring record wherever he's been, but for whatever reason, he moved to the $audi league this $ea$on, can't imagine why. Ethiopia 0-1 Cape Verde: Dire match between probably the second and third worst teams in the competition, played in front of a 90% or more empty stadium. Ethiopia received a red on 10 minutes and offered literally nothing from that point on. Cape Verde for their part labored to get the ball in the box and failed to take advantage of a few 2-on-1s that should've resulted in goals. If I were Burkina Faso I would definitely fancy my chances against either of these sides.

He'd be a decent option tbf. He'd be something different as a focal point of our attack and since our squad is almost entirely equipped to set up to play on the counter we saw yesterday what happens when we have to try and open up and push a team thats defending well sitting back in a low block - we are toothless. Apparently we put 35 crosses into their box and had no one effective to get their head on any of them really.. he wouldnt be a terrible option on this reason alone and has a decent record. Would rather Mitrovic back though as someone already said

I won't talk about the team's performance because I couldn't see it. And it's hard to say this after you get knocked out by a League One team. But defeat is the best thing that could happen to us. We have to focus all eyes on winning the maximum possible points and achieving permanence. FA Cup could only be a distraction in which, in addition, we would hardly go far and in a year that we have a very short squad. PS. We need a striker.

Ah its beautiful, we're neck deep in summer at the moment which is looovely.

They'll be telling themselves they can beat us tonight. They're probs right.

Woeful, abysmal, dire, atrocious and a total embarrassment. I can't even get mad at some of these as they're just not good enough, like telling a child off for not being able to fix a leaky roof.

Can we sell Willock before every other club notices that hes forgotten how to play football please

Botman is probably silently deleting all his likes

That’s like saying to a starving man ” Hey, it’s ok, I’ve got food. You can have some” Then eating it all, shitting it out in to a bowl and saying “Tuck in”

Viana Vibes?

Of course it does as they'll have to remove Hendrick from the 25 players, so it's a win win.

He'll be shite if he signs. /RTG

Milan. Absolute peasants. Pygmies of world football.

Botman and Carlos in for Watford. Lascelles may as well start asking his agent to speak to League One clubs now

It was the famous, mysterious cabal of Tyneside businessmen that persuaded the Saudis to come. (All investment will obviously exclude Wearside and focus solely on Tyneside which is paramount to the Tyneside cabal).