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Clarko is misunderstood. He's making a long and detailed ironic demonstration on the uselessness of statistics in order to thoroughly embarrass The Fish into abandoning his hardline approach to conversations based around logic and numbers in favour of an approach akin to a Romantics' sense for the poetic. Clarko is the man above a sea of fog. Unfortunately for Clarko, the Fish cannot be embarrassed on account of his lack of a limbic system. So, we have ourselves an ol' fashion standoff.

Here, man - fuck off

1st ranked driveler this season and he’s only been here a few days. He’s been at least one of the top two drivelers in every forum he’s been at since the 2009-2010 season. In that time many top drivelers have came and gone but none have been able to match his consistency

Lads, can we please keep the football chat to a minimum?

Reading your posts is hard work, I’ll give you that

Anyone know if Leazes had an illegitimate son?

You literally said "that doesn't sound like a great player to me" in one of your replies, in reference to all those quotes, thus directly aligning our points of reference and the basis for everything I said thereafter. But look, I'm done. You can have it. I once argued for two solid days about the whether the Tories were technically right about an announcement they made about nurses' pay, but I can't keep going with this. And moreover, I think if I do continue it's just going to piss everyone else off. You win, you're right about everything. I'm not clear on what, exactly, but I'm sure you are.

"Is T Dan Smith there? Repeat, there's a question from a Christmas tree for a T Dan Smith"

Please stop

Fucking hell, bring back Clarko!

I think you'll find that in the 19/20 season nufc finished in 13th position. that means that while 12 teams in the league performed better than us, SEVEN didn't. you can argue all you like about this (and I'm sure you will) but it will remain an undeniable fact. furthermore, of those seven teams, three of them, bournemouth watford and norwich performed that much worse than we did that they went and got themselves relegated. silly, silly football teams. for such a keen statistician I'm a little disappointed you've managed to overlook this, but hey, we all make mistakes.

I feel personally attacked.

Hahahaha Nooooo. I cannot hide that I am in love with international football, that I have played and been a coach, and that I like this. But the good thing about forums is that everyone participates, knows things, helps, complements each other. Here no one knows more than anyone.

It’s him!

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https://www.chezpluie.com/blogs/news/8-ways-to-create-your-french-garden TIPS ON HOW TO CREATE YOUR FRENCH GARDEN This blog hopes to inspire you with ways to add a touch of France to your garden. It reveals concepts behind traditional French landscape design embodied in large estates and beautiful terrace designs that can be applied to more modestly-scaled gardens and balconies. Included is an introduction to the different climatic regions of France followed by eight tips for creating a beautiful, timeless, and elegant French garden! THE DIFFERENT CLIMATIC REGIONS OF FRANCE France has a temperate climate but various distinctive zones, including oceanic (west), semi-continental (north and north-east), Mediterranean (lower Rhône valley) and mountain (Alps and Pyrénées). Accompanied by photographs, the following is a short introduction to these different climates and the typical gardens found there including: Normandy (Oceanic), the Loire Valley and Paris (north and north-east), and Provence and the French Riviera (Mediterranean). COASTAL GARDENS OF NORMANDY The western and north-western windswept and often rainy region of France has a variety of landscapes including marshlands, dunes, steep cliffs, pine forests, and has given much inspiration to French artists. Rouen is the city of Emma Bovary's bleak home and the famous cathedral that Monet painted in series; while the coastal town of Cabourg is said to be Proust's setting for fictional Balbec; and Cherbourg, although a place of much pluie where an umbrella is necessary year-round is delightful nonetheless in Jacques Demy's The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Plants that withstand frosts, harsh winds, and salty air will thrive in the oceanic climate and include rhododendrons, agapanthus, clematis, grasses, sea-hardy flowers, shrubs, lovely old trees, and hundreds of varieties of roses. Such a romantic mix of trees and flowers in the above photo - note the Medici urns and lovely oudoor chair. Apparently wildflowers and sea-hardy flowers bloom all year (even in winter), but cover gracefully and completely the natural landscape in spring. In winter it is possible to grow daisies, dandelion, shepherd's purse, fumitory and white dead nettle. While in early spring appear gorse, wild garlic, snowdrops, and early purple orchid primroses, followed soon after by wood anemones, bluebells, cowslips, pyramid orchids, oxlips, and campion to list only a few. Plants that are native to the area naturally will thrive and look most harmonious in the landscape. These plants also will provide sought-after nourishment to bees, butterflies, and other insects. To shelter from the forceful sea air, the homes of Normandy often feature thatched roofs, exposed timber frames on their façades, and they are wonderfully cozy with inviting open fireplaces. As the walls are thick, there is plenty of space to accommodate a planter in the window bringing the outdoors in. There are lovely shrub (or herbaceous) borders in the background in the photograph above. Succulents also thrive in the north. The gardens along this rugged coastline receive plenty of rainfall - lush lawns and huge hydrangeas can thrive in the French gardens of Normandy. THE LUSH GARDENS OF THE CHÂTEAUX IN THE LOIRE VALLEY For most of the year, the weather of the Loire valley is moderate and comfortable. The areas to the west are influenced partly by weather from the Atlantic Ocean (more rain and milder temperatures) while the more easterly regions experience a continental climate (hotter and drier summers and colder winters). The Loire valley is well known for its abundance of châteaux (there are over 1000) and the ordered gardens that grow within. Symmetrical parterres(ornamental flower beds), avenues of lofty deciduous trees, and meticulously espaliered fruit trees are major characteristics of these grand residential gardens in central France. The large landscapes depicted are organized symmetrically and along geometrical lines and consider depth of space and play with perspective. Plants are often grouped by color and arranged to give a layered look: sky meets tree, tree brushes against clipped hedge, hedge groups flowers, which meet hardscaping, such as pathways of riverstone or pebbles. No matter the region, traditional French estate gardens follow principals of design that with a resourceful, inventive mind can be applied to smallers-scale projects. One will encounter stone statuary while strolling through traditional gardens in France. In these photographs beautiful stone pots are set amongst various clipped trees and topiary that frame ornamental garden beds blossoming with hydrangeas or potagers (kitchen beds). PARISIAN STYLE COURTYARDS The French capital experiences four distinct seasons, often cloudy weather year-round, regular light rainfall sometimes on a daily basis, very cold winters, and fairly mild but short summers. The historic city of Paris is famed for stunningly beautiful and well-kept gardens like the Tuileries, Luxembourg Gardens, and the Bois de Boulogne. Among these beautiful public green spaces, lie the petite and chic private Parisian courtyards. These intimate spaces welcome herbaceous topiaries in antique planters, decorative plant stands, wrought iron tables, and charming chairs with lovely outdoor pillows all snugly set between ancient stone walls. Small outdoor settings invite a morning coffee or an evening aperitif with friends. Our collection of outdoor Antique French furnitureincludes small settings well-suited to courtyards. ROOFTOP TERRACES – PIED-À-TERRE A rooftop terrace is a luxury to make green with topiary bushes, trees, planted urns, pot plants, and creeper clad walls. A lush rooftop is a welcome retreat from bustling city life or village streets. Take a look at the photograph below - ooh la la!! Geraniums and lemon-scented pelargoniums will bloom all year round on a sunny terrace. A backdrop of potted citrus or fruit trees and shrubs simply furnished with a bistro table, folding chairs, and an umbrella will help create a secluded getaway with an unmistakable French feel. Wrap up in a cozy blanket and experience all of the seasons on the terrace of your own magic mountain. SUN-DRENCHED PROVENÇALE COUNTRY GARDENS The Mediterranean climate in south-eastern France is characterized by hot dry summers, lots of sun year-round, usually mild weather with rain in fall and early spring, and cool to cold winters. Plane trees, olive trees, cypress pines, lavender, rose bushes, and climbing plants like wisteria, trumpet vines, and jasmine are found in most Mediterranean gardens. Large planted urns, topiary, clipped hedges, arbors, beautiful garden benches, and stone statuary also are to be found. The sectioned areas of a Provençale garden provide singular interest (such as a potager, parterre, water feature, or outdoor dining furniture). Large country gardens in Provence often will have a vast lawn that meets a vineyard, lavender field, prairie, or olive grove. The fringes where the property meets the countryside can be some of the most poetical aspects of the garden. EXOTIC CLIFF-SIDE MEDITERRANEAN GARDENS OF THE FRENCH RIVIERA Salty coastal Mediterranean gardens are planted with flowering cacti and slender palms as though they were sculptures. They frame the glistening Mediterranean waters and provide spots of shade in the summer months. As winters are mild in this climate temperature-sensitive plants such as citrus need not fear frosts. The southern regions are famous for beautiful pots traditionally used to store olives and oil. Ancient Biot jars are the most authentic and are found frequently in the coastal gardens of the Côte d'Azur. These distinctive clay jars add an instant Mediterranean touch to any garden. The beautiful round, smooth form of the Biot jar evokes the olive. These vessels often are found mounted in a prominent position so they can be admired habitually. Little garden lamps could be placed nearby to illuminate the jars to enjoy after sunset. For further ideas we have wonderful collections of both classic antique olive jars and artisan made Biot jars. CHOOSE THE RIGHT CLIMATIC REGION FOR YOU Remember to consider the size of your space and its sun exposure and aspect. Your plants will love and reward you by growing healthily and happily if you choose plants suitable to your local climate and soil and pots that can accommodate them. A helpful resource for finding your equivalent weather zone in France can be found here: United States hardiness hardiness zones, which range from one to thirteen (coolest to warmest). Below are the comparable climate zones of regions in France: Zone 8 - Paris, Loire Valley, Normandy and the Atlantic Zone 9 - Provence, The French Riviera (Côte d'Azur) DESIGN YOUR GARDEN AROUND FRENCH ARCHITECTURAL ELEMENTS Architectural elements such as stone walls, bubbling fountains, or a swimming pool often feature in French gardens and are easy to incorporate into landscape design.

More than likely there isn’t one. Care to suggest a scout at any football club who relies purely on stats though? Because if that were the case they wouldn’t still exist. You’d have data collectors at every match (eg Opta etc) and those who process that data at clubs, scouts would be irrelevant. No one would go and watch a player, it would all be there on a screen and clubs would make their decisions on recruitment like that….football has changed a lot, you can find a lot of hidden points about a player by measurement. But to get a real feel for the player, his actual observable strengths and weaknesses and how he’d fit into a pattern of play he has to be watched . Comparing the evidence of Rayvin’s own eyes after he’s watched St Maximin’s level of performance post Bruce leaving v some data collated over a couple of seasons isn’t a comparison worth making because it’s like comparing a fire engine with an apple Coming on here and picking on people with a list of spurious stats isn’t you being clever, it’s you being a fuckin arsehole, and not a very bright one at that. Well done. Please stay, I’m not the sharpest tool in the box in these parts but you’re making me feel like Einstein

DENPRESSURE KLAXON

Took me a while but I got there in the end

I chucked one of the Keegan era training tops out, unworn, years ago. Sounds like I could have paid for my leasehold with it.

You’ve made that point before. Just after Renton had turned up at the Trent in a club branded polo shirt iirc

Grounded for New Years Eve

http://www.replaymatches.net/search?q=Newcastle&m=1

Who said it?

The world of statistics and football is very complex. It is true that each time, football evolves oriented to Big Data and that clubs invest more in it during the season. But believe me, Big Data has nothing to do with the statistics that we can see on SofaScore, Sqwawka or WhoScored. Because we can know the successful passes, the dribbles made or the turnovers. But that, without a deep analysis of the environment, doesn't really say anything. What if a player has a high percentage of the pass because he only passes it to his partner at one meter and does not risk it? What if one player dribbles less than another, but he does so in situations and positions where if he loses the ball it is a clear opportunity for the opponent? If we can get the full stats, we have to pay some thousend pounds per year to programs like Opta... And probably It is of little use because the most normal thing is that we do not know how to interpret them. I insist, the data is becoming more and more important. And they should not be excluded. But they are data handled by professionals, who always adapt that data to the good of the team, so we have to try to make a mix between data and feelings.

he doesn't know whether he's smeagol or gollum.

A good scout should also look for people that will fit in, be part of the team, not be an arsehole, etc. (If only we had scouts on here.)

feel free to go away

Took me a while to realise it wasn’t New Years Eve

That does sound like me.

I found a “cutting” from a yellow 1990 away kit in my grandas garage which he’d been using as an oil rag

I've got one of those in the house, CT. (Covered in paint but I've got it, that's the main thing).

It’s a difficult one because I generally think it’s a good proposition, but including drives or designated parking for each property on certain developments makes them unfeasible financially. If we are building a block of flats with 60 units, we are never going to have the space to fit 60 spaces outside. Also for social housing like us, would we be expected to pick up standing charges via a landlords supply in times where properties are void etc?

Fish absolutely desperate to engage in another bore fest

Get this: pay attention to the numbers! And, also, your a homogeny!

Can confirm this as I spotted it on Chatshitstats.com.

No... At his best (19/20 season) he was rated the 15th best player that season... De Bruyne Pereira Traore Mahrez Mane Salah Sterling Rashford Maddison Kane van Dijk Martial Willian Antonio Saint-Maximin The bar has been set pretty low, but I have no idea how you managed to misinterpret a set of lists that poorly.

So, this article by the BBC reckons Man. Utd. are looking for “an interim manager to the end of the season… …Only realists, or older managers possibly not seeking a permanent job, are likely to find that scenario attractive.”

“Mam, what’s for tea?”

Maybe folk have entertained this person long enough. In my humble, clarko is either a mackem on the wind, with the usual free time they have, or a person with issues. And if they genuinely do have problems, which they are showing real evidence of, it might be best to just leave them to go back to whereever they spent their angry time before they discovered here.

If this is a parody account it’s genius. Still deranged either way like

Some of the drivel on here (from the same people too)... Since their invention in 1894, they’ve been at worst, the 5th best cereal in the bowl based on the WhoGivesAShit ratings provided and they did that whilst arguably tasting like sugared cardboard. Do not question my statistics/authoritaay again.

Aye mortal may also have had something of a part to play