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Posted from his hospital bed.

On the bus on the way home tonight, school kid was sat by himself. Group of lads came on and started taking the piss. Lad was getting upset so I told them its not on and to pack it in. Fucking bullies man.

@Tom, change the lads name to Ciaomanheyman, it’s doing my head in.

Literally

"I think you'll find, Reeves, that I did indeed check his stats on statDNA, Qlikview and if I may be so bold, would refer you to Wyscout to further enhance my argument. It's just a quest......oh hang on, just need to answer this..... Hello? Who? Ah Fish, how you doing my fine fendered friend? What? Newcastle natter this Thursday? Love to. See you then!"

I wouldn’t give Simon Jordan the steam off my shite.

Hi Dwight

This government in a nutshell.

Confirmed.

Brozovic is Top class player and he can play in differents positions. But this man is so crazy. Inter have tried to sell him in recent markets because he normally has problems with their managers (and this is because sometimes has arrived later to train and drunk). In fact, he doesn't have driver license because have been caught many times driving drunk. I like so much as a player, but sign him is a risk if he has problems with the manager. Strakosha is decent GK, but is not better than Dubravka. De Vrij is one of the best CB in the world in mi opinion.

Can we have an IP check on Clarko? Stinks of cheesy chips imo

Are we ignoring the multiple periods when Shelvey couldn't get in the side btw? In the last 2 seasons he didn't play in 34 of our premier league games!

Is this bloke off your podcast Fish?

Anyone know owt about these two? @Howmanheyman, you're the Italian correspondent these days, aren't you?

Wagyu tail

Reminds me of this

I mean the FA bent over backwards to try to look out for the Big 6 interests, only pesky legal repercussions prevented them from letting the takeover happen. I would imagine there's some fairly juicy emails which could yet get published exposing just how bent they were if they pushed too hard.

So desperate to be relevant And as if the fat hairy humbug gives a toss about Kashoggi’s widow…he doesn’t even give a toss about his own wife.

Poor Fish

Yes it is. You signed up here in 2016, made your first post tonight, and have gone full energy-vampire. Give me one good, well-argued, backed by statistics reason why I shouldn’t hit the “Flag as a Spammer” button and fuck you off to the crèche, you absolute bore.

The man has a bomb tattoed in his neck.

Oh so value and quality are unrelated. That's why PSG paid £200m for Neymar and not Sammy Ameobi. Go find a league one forum you sister snagging little cunt

No problem, he can write another shit biography of Churchill and make a few quid

Both absolutely streets ahead of what we have in their positions now. Brozovic is a well rounded central midfielder who would immediately make an enormous difference to us considering our trouble in that spot. De Vrij is brilliant and if he is leaving Inter there will be plenty of clubs after him. Central defender that reads the game and sweeps up rather than a belting into tackles type. Both have been big players for Inter and were starters for Conte in their league win last year, reckon spurs would be looking at both off the back of that if they're available.

They’re finally bringing in covid passports over here. I’m not sure if they’ve been shown to have a measurable positive effect but if it keeps the morons out of the bars and persuades some of the apathetic to get the jab then I’m all for it.

Vital the club hasn't exactly been performing. It's been in a fucking dog scrap or the Championship for the majority of the time Shelvey has been here. That's largely in part because players like Shelvey are here.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. In the starting eleven.

Shelvey has been a liability for ages now, you must be having a laugh. Our best central midfielder? Outperformed the likes of Colback, Saivet, Barlaser, and Bentaleb? What an accomplishment, the latter 3 probably had 500 minutes of pitch time between them and being better than Colback isn't exactly a glowing endorsement. As for mentioning Willock in that list, we'd have gone down last season if not for his performances, it's actually comical to state that Shelvey outperformed him by any metric other than the number of 50-yard passes he put out of play, or the number of Cruciatus curses he laid on people. The squad absolutely has been run down during Bruce's tenure. We splashed a lot of money on a small handful of players upon whom we then over-relied, allowing strength in depth to decline massively. Ritchie is almost ready for a trip to the glue factory as he's been so overused over the past few years. Beyond the first XI we look incredibly threadbare, with players like Hayden, Hendrick, Gayle, Krafth and Manquillo regularly getting games when they should be playing for Championship sides. Carroll had an embarrassing cameo for us and then even more ludicrously was given another year. Murphy had a revival but is contracted until 2027 (!), that should tell you everything you need to know about the way Ashley was simply running out the clock on the last few years. We did better with a worse squad under Benitez, who was given - as you pointed out yourself - far less money to work with. So whistle with your "poor coaching over the last 7 years."

Wouldn't be surprised if Ritchie makes a bit of a comeback under Howe tbh. We've been using him as a wing back and he hasn't really got the legs to cover that much ground, but if we push up the pitch then I could see Ritchie becoming a lot more effective in the final third. I've always thought he's got a good delivery, and he can press if it's just in the final third. Shelvey on the other hand....

Did Bin Salman write that?

I'm sure somewhere in the world Chez Given is having a champagne enema and pissing himself at this.

Prenez une chambre

It has been done.

Elif elmas for the win, wonderful player. happy for a namechange to Tinofbeans...

She might be a furry.

very much in the massive attack mode i think, imogen heap with voice of an angel!

Or French. We were managed by Stephane Tete de Choux. Comment est le bacon?

Thought I'd fire it up and see if I've still got the knack. Yep.

Cricket dressing room craic sounds fucking lifting mind. Jokes about corner shops and Paki's are lowest common denominator rubbish. The sort of shit you hear charvers on the bus saying to each other

I’m a (very) middle aged white man, I’ve worked in/on building sites, shipyards, general engineering & manufacturing plants, oil refineries etc etc since the mid 80s, places where a shovel is very much termed a shovel by my various mostly working class colleagues…I’ve heard some disgusting racist things said over the years in conversation by people who think they’re safe doing it among their almost exclusively white workmates. I’ve never heard or seen anyone racially abuse a colleague to their face, not in banter or any jokey way, not In anyone’s face in front of others. For this to be going on at one of the country’s most esteemed sporting institutions beggars belief. I’m not suggesting people I’ve worked with over the years aren’t racist, a fair few undoubtedly were. Were they just cleverer than your average Yorkshire cricketer? ..

I’d add to my initial post, not too long after Mrs.F. and I got married we went to stay with some friends who’d moved to Elland. We went out for a wander along the canals, all very nice, then went to a party at their neighbours house. It was fucking Britain First with hors d’oeuvres- house full of racists decrying “ t’Pakehs” and planning their transport arrangements to an EDF rally- not joking either, that’s what they were talking about as we arrived. The craziest part was one them was a black lad, fully in to the anti-Asian crack. Mental. Mrs.F. unloaded her full wrath and it was a fucking joy to behold.

I just saying this to my sisters fella. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Yorkshireman that isn’t racist!

As the joke will now have to be rewritten, "How does a racist vegan Yorkshireman decide what to tell you about first?"

In my experience as a contractor for about 20-odd years, I’ve yet to meet a white Yorkshireman who isn’t a rancid racist, and I’ve met fucking loads. Obvs, I’ve never met Wykiki 😉

Bring him in as DOF

I imagine that’s sports science department is a cupboard where they keep the bins. Untouched since Allardyce’s days of fraudulence.

Sounds like the Tories are getting ready to press the reset button.