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More parody.

Well, it’s one additional player who will get accused of cowardice.

Because The Fat Cunt knew we’d hate him.

He’s apparently been away on holiday in Portugal, making the most of the international break where we have 5 players away with the rest of the squad still in training. There’s people actually defending him over it on Twitter as well he only got back from a nice long summer of doing absolutely fuck all, and since then we’ve lost every game, breaks like this would typically be a good time to work with the squad, then again it’s probably the best training they’ve had while that shambolic cunt is away. Why on Earth was he hired? It just completely confuses me, it’s not like he was even a cheap option.

I don't know why I put myself through watching live parliament. Johnson doing his social care announcement, and a bunch of Tory bellends doing the "Does he agree with me..." questions. "Does the Prime Minister agree with me, that if he and I went out to the pub tonight, all the ladies in attendance would want to suck us off?" "I'd like to thank my right honourable friend for his support, and let me confirm that we would indeed be on the receiving end of some good British suck-jobs, were we to hit the pubs of his wonderful constituency tonight."

We are missing a lot of key players in this series (Broad, Archer, Stokes) but really we just don't have the batting quality. At the moment there's only Root and Stokes who would get into the teams of any of the other top test sides.

No that was his mother

Because the club went ‘above and beyond’

Up (or down) there with ‘staycation’

As with Gayle, Ritchie, Clark, etc, so that Penfold doesn't have to make an actual decision at the end of a contract.

Sometimes you have to concede you were beaten by the better side. Our bowlers looked tired and a bit one-paced and one-dimensional in their second innings. Low 80s mph length bowling was too easy to play against with little variation or assistance through air or off the deck. None of them able to produce the kind of spell Bumrah managed on a flat pitch. Bumrah was bowling in-swinging yorkers today at 89mph. Plus jadeja had Burns and Malan in his back pocket while Moeen was mostly innocuous. Our attack looks a gallop short when it isn’t swinging, according to Vaughany. He isn’t wrong. Those seamers are going to look toothless in Australia with no Archer on the plane. Could be another long tour. Robinson might do ok with his accuracy and extra bounce but we’re lacking the genuine pace you need on Aussie wickets. We need to wrap Wood up in cotton wool

Is “Geordie Ruviera” as bad as “English Tapas”? Overheard some daft twat utter that particular parcel of fuckin shite in the pub earlier….anyway, Alnmouth is utterly glorious as usual….

Desperate, compliant, 'local boy', no competition for him, deflector shield. 👍

Nah, we gave all that to Hancock’s mates for making useless PPE.

It can only be good for the squad and the tictacal … err … tacital … err this sort of training where you tell players to do clever things on the pitch when Brucey isn’t involved.

‘Here lads, take this shit we’ve finished with while we play with our shiny new ones.’

Can’t imagine converting a train carriage into any of those things is particularly cost effective. I wonder if the contracts went to Tory donors etc 🙄

But it's already being well spent if you live up North. Thank you Mr Shapps, you're so good to us. It's beyond parody now.

vince hasn't had loads of chances - a dozen or so tests, was it? but he's another in a long list of impressive ODI players who just didn't look cut out for tests when given the chance. i'd love to see buttler come good but you can see he's overthinking it - trying so hard to be a test batsman and curbing his natural game. it isn't easy to be a effective across all formats of the game, but he is one that could be so valuable to the test side were he able to find a way to get the balance right between attack and defence. he hasthe ability to take the game away from the opposition quickly, like how flintoff and gilchrist both used to do, but he hasn't done it enough in tests. i still think he's worth persevering with a bit longer. bairstow averages 27.41 as a specialist test bat, which is piss poor, but 37.83 when keeping wicket. buttler averages 31.65 with the gloves, and 35.68 without. interestingly, he averages 47 in the few games he's played at number 6. foakes averages over 40 at 7. based on those stats, i'd be tempted to bin bairstow, give foakes the gloves and give buttler a go at 6 down under.

oven ready

i'm not going to defend england's fielding, which hasn't been good enough and contributed to the result, but i genuinely think the indians are better than us at the minute, the aussies and kiwis too. we can still be competitive at home, in the right conditions, but we used to regularly win home series against the top sides. england used to be as difficult a placer for touring sides to visit as australia or the subcontinent. that isn't the case anymore - we're on course to lose or draw this series, the aussies retained the ashes on their last visit and cained us at their place, NZ dispatched us at home earlier in the summer. you're right that's it's all about the moolah. the ecb prioritised the white ball - to good effect with the world cup win - but we have consistently struggled to develop test players as a result. it's a shame as for me it's still the best format. in this game, as at lords, india went through the gears when they needed to despite being under pressure at various moments. we depend too much on root's batting and lack the character to bat when the pressure is on. we've seen it time and time again - england look alright when they're ahead in the game but you always feel a collapse is on the cards when they're up against an imposing total. despite all this, i think you have to applaud india yesterday. that spell by bumrah would have troubled the best batting in the world and he managed to produce it on the most benign pitch of the summer.

Easy

As if that would make any difference

Two goalkeepers it is.

This is an insane story. Jean-Pierre Adams: Former France international dies after 39 years in coma https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/58463792 “Former France footballer Jean-Pierre Adams, who had been in a coma for 39 years, has died at the age of 73. Adams was admitted to hospital for knee surgery in March 1982 but never regained consciousness after an error with his supply of anaesthetic. Born in Senegal, the defender made more than 140 appearances for Nice and also played for Paris St-Germain. In a statement, PSG said Adams' "joie de vivre, charisma and experience commanded respect". Nice said the club would pay tribute to Adams - who won 22 caps for France between 1972-1976 - before their next home game against Monaco on 19 September. Adams also made 84 appearances for Nimes, who said they were sending their "most sincere condolences to his loved ones and his family". On the day of Adams' operation to repair a damaged tendon in his knee - suffered while on a coaching training camp - many staff at the hospital in Lyon were on strike. His operation still went ahead, with the anaesthetist looking after eight patients, including Adams, at the same time. Adams was supervised by a trainee, who later said: "I was not up to the task I was entrusted with." Between the anaesthetist and trainee, numerous errors were made, causing Adams to suffer a cardiac arrest and brain damage. It wasn't until the mid-1990s that the anaesthetist and trainee were punished - a one-month suspended sentence and a 750 euro fine. Adams was discharged from hospital after 15 months and had been cared for at home in Nimes by his wife, Bernadette, ever since. 'Remarkable devotion' Piers Edwards, BBC Sport Africa Bernadette Adams is a remarkable woman, a gentle but steely soul who never once considered turning off her husband's life support machine despite his vegetative state. For four decades, she has spent nearly every day caring for Jean-Pierre, changing his clothes, preparing his food, never forgetting to give him presents and often talking to him too. The response was of course silence from a man once described as "larger than life" (and whose skills were highly rated by German football legend Franz Beckenbauer) yet nurses reported slight mood changes on the rare occasions Bernadette went away for a night or two. I visited the Adams home in southern France in 2016 whereupon Bernadette explained the hospital had never apologised for an accident which she could not help thinking about every day.” edit; more in this CNN article https://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/04/football/football-jean-pierre-adams-coma/index.html

Meanwhile, manager who actually gives a fuck about his club:

Brucey will enjoy the festival.No matter how many we concede,a beaming smile from the buffoon will be on show at the end when he’s shaking Ole’s hand.’Look,hey,they were a good team before they signed Ronaldo.We’ll have to put it down to a bad day at the office ( 6 v 0 ) and dust wahselves down.As for Alain’s ‘injury’.well,it’s too soon to say how serious it is’.

Can’t we use the £350 million a week we’re saving now we’re not in the EU?

Why? Why would the club do that? No wonder Bruce tried to take control of transfer negotiations on deadline day, he's clearly better at it than Charnley.

Quiff can help you out with that.

Paul Parker ex Man U defender speaking about Ronaldo playing in the game on Saturday “A lot of those Geordie fans cannot believe their luck that they’ve got a ticket for this and all of a sudden it’s turned into a festival.” What fucking planet is this guy on 🤣 Aye, I'm sure seeing Ronaldo make his second debut will take the sting off him helping Man U most likely hammer us five or six, and the general depression around Ashley and Bruce. Of course this is a perfect illustration of how much we've declined in the minds of the football community. Parker seems to think we're equivalent to a Stevenage, just happy to bask in the limelight of Ronaldo and co.

Patience young grasshopper.

“Wetherspoons said its problems had been caused by industrial action by Heineken drivers working for GXO Logistics. However, the Unite union said this was not possible as no industrial action had taken place.”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/sep/06/three-near-identical-boris-vishnevskys-on-st-petersburg-election-ballot how can you get away this stuff ?