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Deep Woke 😂

"Off to BENNAZ again with mam and dad. Got a suitcase full of stiffy pills cos you just never know when you might need to firm things up down there IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN"

You called?

If Carlsberg did U-turns.

https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/dear-england-01f798yfraha/amp?__twitter_impression=true

Looks like a fucking pyjama set from TK Maxx.

Blatantly visiting the moors to check none of your burial sites have been disturbed.

I have always been a big fan of Keegan and did enjoy most of his stint as England manager too.

(I did actually forget about Keegan but am I fuck about to take a step backwards on this)

"Over a decade on the United beat as me old mentor, Olly called it, trinity mirror group regional sports journalist of the year, spots on talksport, verbal jewelling with the man who would be king, Pards but nar, can't be dicing with journalistic death with the punters champion, can't risk trying to better the man they all ring for gold plated NUFC stories and ex-player anekdowt, anniken, err, old tales, nar, takes the easy option with a glorified YouTube promoter and actor fucking Wraith!!! At least when ah talk to ex-players it's purely for me puntas who queue up on a teatime for their NUFC fix in the flagship paper of Thomson House rather than massaging a goatee bearded ego. Fuck them, ah've Got Steve Watson on the blower tonight talking about THAT somersault throw in at ayresome park which is EXACTLY what my loyal readers want to read whilst a split arse ah've never heard of can only interview the Ring-piece Wraith! Lol. Laters."

Hahahahahahhaah Morata Kill us.

Might become a Denmark fan

This is my story I'd like to think I had a hand getting Thomas McRocklin in the right place at the right time. In 1988 I was at a gig at the City Hall I was looking through the Chronicle during the interval & an advert intrigued me "Junior Jimi Hendrix at the Percy Arms" I went along this was on the Thursday night before Donington which was on the Saturday. I went along & was amazed to see this little kid he was 10 playing a 7 string Ibanez Gem Floral. The only one I'd seen was in the Kerrang & Steve Vai played it. I got talking to Thomas's dad John & said I was going to Donington & it was a shame he wasnt going as Steve Vai was playing in David Lee Roth's band. I was that impressed I gave Thomas my Van Halen t shirt I was wearing saying if your going to be a rock star you'll need a good t shirt. I shook hands with his dad & wished them both well. So that was it or so I thought. A few months later I was watching a programme on heavy metal on tv & right at the end was some footage of Thomas playing at the Moira Arms in Donington village. A few weeks later will reading the Kerrang there was a picture of Steve Vai & Thomas. It turned out his dad took my advice & they drove to Donington on the Friday managed to get Thomas set up in the pub & while was playing a couple of Steve Vais roadies were watching. They arranged for John & Thomas to meet Vai backstage at Vai's caravan Thomas plug his guitar in & Vai was blown away. Eventually Thomas was taken over to America were he featured in the video for The audience is Listening which was played loads on MTV. Eventually Vai got some other talented kids together & formed a band Bad 4 Good. Vai made sure Thomas was looked after he got a deal with Ibanez. I've since spoken with Thomas and when I told him the story he was amazed because he said that's exactly how things happened. He told me Vai was very generous with his time & gifts. He sent Thomas a gold disc for the album Passion & Warfare. He gave him the actual guitar on the album cover. He also gave him the flame guitar that was featured in David Lee Roths " Going Crazy" video. I'd like to think I played a small part in pointing him in the right direction 😁

Health Secretary following the pattern for the last lot of PMs whereby they’ve somehow managed to achieve the impossible in being progressively worse than the predecessors

PL solely existing on a pasta and red wine diet from now until Sunday. Should buy a moped while you’re at it

Morata is fucking terrible A proper pillow-footed piss artist

I see TGQ has moved from crypto into NFTs.

This post aged well

I love Unionist politicians.

I’d like to see Toonpack making a complaint about pizzas…

Mouse, they call you Chinese mouse.

He was still likeable for his honesty, integrity and realising what a little fraud Michael Owen was

Oh Gemmill, man.

It hasn’t really become polarised. Unless you think showing some pragmatism and keeping some restrictions for now whilst opening up is the exact opposite of doing absolutely nothing and pretending cases aren’t rocketing for ideological reasons whilst ignoring scientific advice. It’s a bit like interviewing a virologist then getting Right Said Fred’s views for ‘balance’.

The risk of it mutating somewhere else is much higher with you lot carrying it into undervaccinated countries.

The government had a chance to stop the worst excesses of the delta varient by closing the air border with India at the point when they put Pakistan and Bangladesh on the red list. They didn't do it till 3 weeks later during which time 20k people came in from India. This is because Johnson wants a decent trade deal with India to make up for the shit show caused by Brexit. Now the same man is suggesting we drop all restrictions just as the cases of the varient he let into the country en masse are rocketing. I don't trust him, he's made a cunt of this at every single point during the last 16 months. Now you're just going along with it when there are perfectly sound scientific and medical grounds for keeping certain restrictions in place. It's got disaster written all over it again, anyone with an ounce of common sense can see it....

Oh dear....Gareth isn't enough of a flagshagger for the tories 😅😅😅

It’s good to see that, as we fully reopen, half the bars in the Newcastle area are closing due to COVID outbreaks amongst members of staff

That’s one person less on Priti Patel’s Christmas card list.

Maybe David Icke is right after all and it’s because the virus doesn’t affect reptiles. The stupidity if your ruling class gets more absurd every day.

Oh Fuck. Thanks for cheering me up. In all seriousness, you MF and PL seem to be mates. You're like money pyrhon, the guys from Royston vasey, or Nev, Dennis and Oz (you're the latter ). If you guys get together sometime, let me know, so I can make a beeline to the other part of town. 👍

Olmo is the double of Beavis.

Aye I'd be more confident against the Italians on tonight's showing. They can win but they'll need to do a leg sapping extra time to keep me happy. Ideally penalties too.

This is why Teesside is turning blue.

My left hook has a 100% hospitalisation record.

Alreet, UM.

A news channel using actors* in interviews? Tsk, tsk, * (also author, professional hardman, gangster dildo)

A minutes silence for GB News's ever decreasing viewing figures

They're going full on herd immunity. Honestly, we've ran out of road, we've no choice now. Let's not forget why and how we arrived here though.

I thought as much but just went with it Del Boy-style

Nicked plenty though?

It’s funny the preconceptions about breeds. I guess the problem is on the rare occasions bull terriers and other similar dogs attack people the outcome can be really bad. But take staffies, for example. When you look at the number of fuckwits who gave them it’s a testament to the breed that problems are so rare. They’re also one of the few breeds the kennel club recommends as family pets.

What’s actually been enforced since this whole thing started? Benton Asda is like the nation in microcosm (bear with me). There’s no enforcement of mask wearing (which I wouldn’t expect people on the shop floor to do, plus anyone can claim they’re exempt). Then at least half the staff don’t wear a mask then most of the rest don’t wear one properly. There’s a kid sits at the door giving out free masks to customers who’ve forgotten one. He doesn’t wear a mask

A blatant social outcast speaks

They’re literally a fucking third division side . More than welcome to tag along for anything Jordan Henderson does, but the mental thing is he’s legitimately one of the most successful and widely known mackems of all time, so do they really want to pick this as the hill to die on? Third fucking division , oh aye and I see mega rich trust fund boy has carried on with furlough which definitely indicates he’s going to piss a ton of money against the wall to bring them back to their glory days of being the shit that won’t flush in the PL. Honestly the Main Street in Bishop Auckland gives their Main Street a run for its money, that’s how fucking wank Sunderland is. My sister never understood the disdain I had for mackems and then she worked on a make up counter at a store in the bridges and she fucking hates the cunts now . Said she’d never seen so many people just fucking hockle in the street, and had never had to cover up as much acne scarring in her life until she worked on those fucking mouth breathing inbreds. They’re fucking minging. Shit little town, with absolutely fucking nowt going on. I’ve lived in America for years and everyone knows Newcastle whether it’s due to the beer, the football team, even the film goal, etc none of them know the mackems. If it wasn’t clear for any mackems out there I absolutely do think I’m better than you, you mouth breathing helmets. But aye Jordan Henderson is better than Alan Shearer or something .