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@Kid Dynamite

Apparently we’ve only had a worse points record than we currently have now once in our PL history, and we got relegated that season. Bruces latest quote in the Ronny Gill: "You have to pick up enough points and over the last six games we have shown signs we are doing OK." 1 win, 3 losses, and 2 draws from those 6, carry that form out across an entire season and it’d get you 32 points which would see you relegated in all bar 1 PL season. We’ve dropped like a fucking stone since Xmas when we had a double digit gap over the relegation zone yet this embarrassment still has the gall to stand there and act like we’ve had a decent season, and we’ll just see where we end up eh. The press actually wonder why our fan base was excited about the potential takeover while knowing our current owner appointed this fucking tit.

Thats a spectacular self-own. Even at the time and without the benefit of hindsight it's either an admission that he has no authority or just further proof that he's a complete shit-merchant. Still mind-blowing how he can get work at this level. Wonder how the interview went? "So Steve, I see you've managed a few other clubs in the Premier League over your managerial career already. Tell us about your achievements there and why you're the right man for this job." "Well, I didn't get Wigan relegated and they went on to achieve great things after they replaced me with Spanish fella."

Steve Bruce with his weekly 'Of course I take responsibility but let me explain why none of this is my fault.'

Let's not forget this cracker on 15th January. Before doing it 'his way' this season: 1.1 ppg After doing it 'his way': 0.8ppg It doesn't seem like much but to put it in context, those ppg over a full season last season were the difference between finishing reasonably comfortably in 15th and finishing second from bottom in the table.

Marshall Barnes?

On it

It always strikes me how dog shit managers like Bruce always act as if injuries are some kind of act of God. Firstly they are fairly predictable and all clubs get injuries; secondly a decent club plans for injuries and invests in the squad and medical facilities to cushion the impact. Thirdly neanderthal managers like Bruce overplay the few decent players they have or rush them back from injury with predictable results. There will always be an element of luck with injuries but well run clubs arent crippled by them. The difference between Benitez and Bruce’s injury record is probably massive (cba to check). Bruce’s only real bad luck with injuries this season, apart from COVID casualties that everyone has had to contend with, is that Shelvey and Joelinton have usually been fit to play.

Especially when Bruce’s record shows that the longer he is at a club, the worse it gets in every way.

It’s still amazing that when he was literally saying it’s time to do things my way, a lot of journalists just sort of accepted that despite the fact he’d had 2 full pre-seasons and one and a half seasons as manager by that point

The latter

We’ve ‘shown signs’ though. Funny how the performances didn’t seem to matter when we were playing shite but still picking up enough points somehow. Now they’re relevant apparently. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was even true. But we're still absolutely dire to watch but devoid of that good fortune and our ability to rely almost completely on Wilson from a goal scoring point of view.

Who would you consider the best player is for West Ham? Bobby Moore What do you think West Hams strengths and weaknesses are? They work well in a team but can also work individually- they are highly motivated and willing to learn new skills. How do you think Newcastle will get on for the rest of this season? What player for Newcastle should opposing teams watch out for? Joelinton- some of your lads might mistake him for a footballer and waste their time marking him. Are you happy with the return of Andy Carroll? He brings balance to the squad as we had two empty seats on the left end of the bench but only one at the right end- no longer a problem. How gutted were you when the recent takeover fell through? 5.6 What has been Newcastles biggest struggle this season? Finding a reliable source of Beef Monster Munch for Bruce Does Steve Bruce deserve the criticism he receives from fans? He hasn’t got any fans. Do you think you will stay up this season? Not without Kamagra What are your score predictions for Newcastle v West Ham? Eleventy Ten

He’ll have been working on that “What Did You Do on Your Summer Holidays?” piece for months as well

I'm genuinely wondering if he ever read the diaries? They were in TF so there's a fair chance. Is this a subtle piss take from himself or am I giving him too much credit?

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, wor kid.

Lads… I’m going to cut out the middleman and just put myself on The List.

The Knight Ryder in an urban camo mask, of course, as befits a former foot-soldier. Also, this the voice of Steve Bruce bellowing to Emil Krafth echoed round Stamford Bridge: "Emil you're too narrow!" Terrible thing, jealousy.

Manager of Leddersfield Town. Written whilst he was managing at Huddersfield

From Popbitch. I hope it's true.

I dont even watch NUFC anymore

FIRE AWAY. I'm the only 'real' fan here anyway.

Aye we were electric before COVID what a fucking helmet.

That wouldn't piss them off. They'd just make it a big 7

Tomo Fujita's youtube channel is my new thing. He's a Berklee professor and apparently John Mayer's guitar teacher. It's like getting taught guitar by Mr Miyage and not just because of the accent, he's got this weird philosopher/teacher thing going on. Give it a look.

Man to man, you’ll batter us. Rice and Soucek will have our pants down in midfield and Bruce is a swede-headed fuckwit. Just print that.

(press expand for answers)

Who would you consider the best player is for West Ham? don't really know much about you, tbh. i have pretty much lost interest in football more broadly the last few years, beaten into submission by mike ashley. antonio looks a decent player from what i've seen. fwiw, soucek has got me loads of fantasy football points What do you think West Hams strengths and weaknesses are? well you looked dog shit when we played you first game of the season but the moyes-siah has clearly done a good job since then. don't watch enough of you to comment really, but you must be happy with how your season has turned out. How do you think Newcastle will get on for the rest of this season? relegation beckons. we might have had a chance but mike ashley thinks steve bruce is the man, so... What player for Newcastle should opposing teams watch out for? ASM, almiron and wilson. luckily for you, they're all injured. if you fancy a laugh, watch out for our £40m signing joelinton Are you happy with the return of Andy Carroll? no, he's a busted flush, as you lot know all too well, and ashley decided to extend his contrat How gutted were you when the recent takeover fell through? mixed emotions. i would have loved to see the end of ashley, but storming to the title on saudi money would have left a sour taste. not that i'd have been that bothered - ask man city fans What has been Newcastles biggest struggle this season? the biggest struggle for newcastle fans has been watching the team. the biggest struggle for the players has been steve bruce - a total fraud Does Steve Bruce deserve the criticism he receives from fans? and then some. he's fucking clueless and a terrible, terrible person to boot Do you think you will stay up this season? no. and it will be deserved. if i were a neutral i'd be willing us down. mike ashley and steve bruce are shit stains on the PL. hopefully allardyce goes down with us What are your score predictions for Newcastle v West Ham? 2-0 to west ham

The usual Toontastic charm on full display itt.

Into the 2020/21 season, and journalists had to weave around abandoned beer kegs at Southampton - the venue were Toon fans last attended a game - as beverages that never got drank were cast aside, only the bitter taste of a 2-0 defeat at St Mary's was on the menu that day.

What other visitors have usually done is post the list of questions in the thread - once the piss-taking has died down you’ll generally get some decent responses, although I would guess that at present enthusiasm might be a tad weak, thanks to our beloved cabbage-headed manager and his world-beating tactical nous.

Welcome to Newcastle- the friendly city.

Not seen Stevie's inimitable posting style on twitter for a while.....anyone know how he is? ...

With the imaginatively named protagonist Steve Barnes.

on the contrary - he's a published novelist https://www.balls.ie/football/steve-bruce-novel-293169

All sounds pretty familiar, doesn't it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/45634934

The Chronicle are talking through their arse. In that article they first state that the accounts are until 31st July 2019, then later they say it can't be the Bruce settlement because it only covers the period until 30th June 2019. The accounts are clearly until 31st July 2019 and as such do cover the Bruce payment.

'The other great fact'. What was the original great fact, Lee? It must've been epic if the other great fact is Yedlin playing local hero in his house after wins in the championship. Great stuff. Us punters are spoiled with these gold plated NUFC stories.