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“ Daddy, what’s the difference between a piss enema and a champagne enema?” ” Few hundred quid, son. “

My name is Martin.

Forty seven but thanks to early nights, the best genes from a great family* and oil of Ulay I don't look a day over 45. *UM© verified. ✓

Don't worry about it, they only got a glimpse. And Daddy might have found a new interest.

Can't even tell if you're joking Tom. Heard worse band names though tbf and I'm missing gigs so much I'd probably go to that even if it turned out to be Gimli up there trying his hand at covering G.G Allin.

Thought I recognised that font! It's just a lazily modified Fraulein:

They look like them built up shoes people with one longer leg used to wear

I'm 52 which makes my Yeezy post even more ridiculous.

Thats the game! Bottle it, brand it, nick someone else's logo and if your pockets are deep enough you might also be able to blag an F1 sponsorship.

I’m going to go out there on a limb and say i think the presidential handover period is too long

Aye. Morgan has had his tongue tickling Trump’s prostate gland many times in the past when he thought it was good for his career

I remember seeing Piss Enema at The Cluny.

Bet you look an even bigger one, if that helps.

Harry Ramsden Pensioner Specials for you.

“Established 2010”, still unavailable in shops or online.

whoa whoa whoa, clinging?

Probably me, I'm fucking 60 this year

Sounds a bit like Henri Saivet

Just chill your piss and fizz it up in the soda stream. Suitable for #deluxe #enemas and #middle-earth #entrepreneurial #delusions.

The same cunt that was hacking phones to sell his shitrag? Colour me surprised.

On a more positive note CNN have called Georgia and the Dems have taken the Senate.

Fingers crossed it doesn’t escalate into a kerfuffle.

Fuck me this is a beautiful speech by Biden.

I know, right. I mean a few hundred quid? Do you think I drink Krug MF? I find Cava suffices for that.

This forum man

Ffs I just googled that sitting next to my kids.

They are all following a cult build on lies and half truth though.

One or two but they'll be no use to any of you

Do a kickflip!

Well, they shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy life when it returns back to any sort of normality. I’d suggest making it a mandatory jab since, as someone said, stupidity has reigned for far too long now. This needs to be the first step in stopping it

Gone back to bullshitting about F1 now his mackem grift has gone the journey

Rayvin is, in my head, a 17yr old sitting in his mam's boxroom, surrounded by anime posters and kleenex. But everybody else is in their mid-to-late 30s. Except Renton, who is in a comfortable chair by the staring window.

Tidy

Should play for Brent-ford I’ll get me coat

That’s a bit crude, tbh.

FYP

She’s deed noo like, whoever the fuck she was...

Which one of you is Simon Bird?

'Okay, that's no problem Dr. Gloom, we'll see the kids tomorrow. Thank you for all you're doing in the NHS to keep us safe' 'Well, I'm not an actual Doctor' 'I thought you were a key worker? So you're a police officer? Fireman? Nurse? Government official? Paramedic? Social worker? Prison officer? Vicar? Postman? Transport worker? Nuclear physicist?' 'Errr, no. I edit video clips from home' 'Oh...'

Fucking hell if I was her I'd be looking for a new manager. Reporter: "Hello we hear Tanya's in the hospital?" Manager: "No, she's dead!" Reporter: "Okay thanks, I'll file her obit." Hangs up. 30 minutes later. Tanya: "Oi cunt, I've just read my obit in the Guardian and you're quoted in it, wtf?" Manager: "Oh, hi it's you, you're alright, that's a relief. Got to go, need to make some calls!" Hangs up. Manager: "Fuck better call Monkey Fist before he takes the poster down, shit shit shit! Who else do I need to call?"

The UK missed out on a revolution - the civil war was a start but it was just a shame that Cromwell was an even bigger cunt than any monarch.