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If they can just stay united on their tatty message board, they’ll soon be challenging the top teams

If we're skipping any of that lot it has to be Eamonn Holmes.

'Top Quizzer' Judith Keppel. 'Panto star' Biggins. 'Scottish singer' Lulu. Is this from the Viz?

Aren't all the boozers shut cos we're in Tier 3? Looks like Gandaft's been smoking too much of the Old Toby again.

MF, pictured later this evening

Look, I’ve been lockdown drinking since half 1, I won’t remember this in the morning so let’s just settle for the draw

I had a pet duck that hired a duck butler to open and close doors, slice his lettuce and other butlery stuff. When I asked how he was going to pay him he said, ”Just put it on my bill”.

I was about to jump in and say "I'll have you know I saw her in an off-West End musical a few years ago and very good she was too", then I remembered that was Sheila Hancock. (EDIT: Who is also not dead yet.)

FFS, What's so desperate about it? It's just a daft, harmless joke. I also didn't steal anything, hence me putting his name to it. (Can't argue about the desperate times bit).

Police are investigating a £1 coin thrown on to pitch at the stadium of light during the game. Police unsure if it was hooliganism related or a bid for the club. (Joe Allon)

Ah yes, who could forget the many times Shearer carefully chose his words to cause maximum damage to their club...

Yer man Joe has been getting a bit of stick on twitter for sliding in lasses DMs

Even if they were open there's fuck all decent about the pubs in Sunderland! I had the misfortune of having a works Christmas night out there once. We ended up in someone called "Arizona". It was midnight and there were genuinely people going clubbing in tracksuits and trainers

Looks like there’s Wan-Less news presenter doing the rounds now

It's like impressionists who start each new voice with "I'm [name], and...". If you were any cop you wouldn't have to tell us.

The poor man’s Bill Steel

Still reckon this was Lionel Blair's greatest ever appearance.

Bloody hell. He always looked like he’d just smelt a particularly bad beer fart that Cathy Secker had crop-dusted him with just before going on air. RIP

'Fund raiser' Bob Geldof "Is it forgetting about moi musical career now, is it?!"

Chat king Michael Parkinson

It's got Maureen Lipman in there described as 'actor'. Shouldn't it be 'ex-actor' as the last thing I remember her appearing in* was those 'Ology' adverts for BT (?) around the late 80's? * Apart from the part she played in the removal of Jeremy Corbyn.

The state of that prick.

Must be desperate times if you’re stealing his crack

The knee won't be a thing after the new year . Sponsors won't want to see their ads with a backing track of mutant fuckwits gurning away about..*checks notes*...the evils of Marxism

The fucking state of these lot:

They also conveniently ignore the numerous times Shearer has said we’re also shite, because that wouldn’t fit with the “Cabal Earth” theory. Fucking daft tramps.

I love how fucking arrogant they are man. I’ve noticed a number of times where they act like them arguing on their shite messaging board will derail the club, they do know that has no impact at all right? What does is when they turn up for matches and abuse their team, then they claim the mags are the problem . What a bunch of fucking losers man, for once in their lives can they maybe just admit they’re fucking shite? Instead of thinking there’s some massive organized conspiracy against them by Newcastle fans. Shearer occasionally digging them out for them being shite isn’t exactly ground breaking stuff on his part ffs.