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My old man has days, at the most, left. Good luck to anyone trying to stop me seeing him. It’ll be The Rule Of Five.… Five Knuckles.… I’ll hit them

Sorry to hear about your old man. Is grouse hunting on his bucket list? Maybe take out a few Tories while you’re at it

Not sure I count using a shotgun to shoot birds who are a bit shit at flying that have been flushed out of their hiding places as a sport like.

He’s the biggest bullshitter going. The daft shite probably hasn’t even bid for the club. I hope he does take them over mind, I imagine he will immediately post pictures of himself in a mackem top at Anfield alluding that he’s about to sign a Liverpool player, then it turns out he just paid for a ground tour. Surely the mackems are seeing through this bloke.

Honestly if Gandalf the Tramp buys the mackems they’ll in league two before you can say “why’s that schoolgirl getting in that strangers Land Rover?”

A lot of people don’t seem to be taking it seriously at all. I’ve seen loads arrogantly walking around shops without masks on, as if they’re making a point. Stopped to get some petrol on Shields Road and the other 3 people in didn’t have masks on when I went to pay. Im seeing otherwise intelligent people pose with groups of friends. Right next to each other “distancing” by half a yard just enough to make the photo look unnatural but fuck all use apropos transmission. If we enter another lockdown and lose some privileges we deserve it tbh, or at least some do.

Speaking of cunts....

Yes, I can't wait for you to show the mackems what you can do as well

I'd imagine his suits are just like his fucking jeans.....

that's fantastic mate. what do you reckon to mine?...... joelinton is a striker, he's also a brazilian. he scores that many goals, he cost us forty million.

I had the choice that year to either come over to watch the one against Manchester or the one against Liverpool...

https://es.sportplus.live/football/england-efl-cup/889006/

One of my mates who was a big Oasis fan back in the day always used to say that Liam just acted like a cunt, but Noel actually is one

he’s such a cunt

Sorry about your dad MF you spend as much time as you can with him mate. Fuck the rules this is different

Sorry to hear about your dad, MF. A truly shit situation with regards to visiting these days so I hope you can see him as much as possible.

And despises that word

Sorry to hear your news, MF.

Condolences MF, fuck the rules

steve bruce.. “Joelinton will play, Almiron will play, Fraser will play, Ritchie will play, Sean Longstaff will play. “Ciaran Clark will come back into the team, Emil Krafth will play. “I will be making changes but I’m not changing my philosophy. “It would be great to have another cup run. Why not?" "another cup run" what a fuckin' cringeworthy tit he is.

Sorry to hear about your dad MF. I'm glad you are there for him.

Aye, sorry to hear that MF, hope you're able to see him without any fuss.

Sorry to hear that MF. I just hope schools can stay safely open. Fuck pubs and non essential shops. Harsh to those employed in them I know but you have to prioritise. I'm going to ignore the household rule. For people who don't have much time left, its not fair or remotely practicable. Just have to social distance the best you can. Oh, and i better get a haircut ASAP. At least you slap heads don't have that problem!

That was a fantastic combination of superb bowling and and an Aussie collapse on Sunday. Really looking forward to the decider on Wednesday.

Like David Baddiel?

He knows where the rest of his kids are.

‘Five things we learned about Roast Beef and Mustard’ just writes itself.

Lee will be telling Mala and the boys his opening remark after the sigh was to respond “less of the lip eh Steve, or you and me will be having a straightener ootside, yee got it kid? Anyway now the unpleasantness is oot the way, what’s your top 10 fave crisps? Need to put together a mint list, it’s food and drink to me punters, they just can’t get enough of my top lists”

Aye, was going to say this Ben Jacobs has been a bit of a bellend throughout iirc.

This legal team Ashley has hired seem like the real deal

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL He has worked for BEin who haven’t tried to influence the process at all...

I hope you don’t talk about fashion, either

"Limp Brexit" and "Pork Will Eat Itself"

'Mumfled with Sons' the best I've seen so far along with 'Run BNP'

He eats the pitch.

I've noticed that almost everyone is better looking in a mask. I hope they stick around, I've had enough of looking at you mingers.

Oh so now the Tories want us to be more German

It’ll definitely annoy all the right people

IT'S PC GONE MAD!

Have these QCs not seen that Luke Edwards has called this saga over?

it's a nightmare this mate, i'm back to temporarily at least needing him to walk safely past steamrollers.

Gloom is safe it would appear

You see that little bright dot in the night sky? That's Jupiter. The distance from earth to Jupiter is how far.