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Tbf, it does take a while to settle.

He'll play up front if Wilson's parents turn out to be wrong'uns.

Ah, Poon's! As featured in a 2015 excerpt from the secret diary. (🎵Mammaries! light the corners of my mind, misty water-coloured mammeries....🎶) The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 31/03/2015 Well, just when it goes quiet around the roller coaster ride of NUFC then along comes a derby, the financial results and an unexpected interview with a Toon legend. Ah was nipping into Gosforth for a lunch time special chinkees at Poons which Eddie Eats had recommended to me the other day in the Thomson house bait room. It's not often that the fat cunt turns his nose up at any kind of bait but even he seemed to be drooling at their Hot & Spicy Chicken with Chilli & Sesame Oil with a portion of fried rice and prawn crackers. She-who-must-be-fed, (or Mrs Eats to you and me), had Sweet & Sour King Prawns. Ah was obviously going to ask for mine to have extra chilli on as the Ryder has everything extra hot on account of not being a puff. Anyways, as ah was walking down Gossy High street ah heard a Spanish sounding voice say, "No! It's NOL-berto SOL-ano, not NOR-berto SOR-ano" to a confused looking fan who couldn't pronounce Nobby's moniker. Right enough, it was our old trumpet playing Peruvian hero of yesteryear. "How! Nobby!" ah shouted ower the road. "Can ah have a quick chat, mate? It's Lee! Lee Ryder of the Chronicle! You remember me, mate?" Nobby said aye he did and agreed to have a quick chat, ah quickly said ah'd get to the other side of the road but Nobby said ah was already ON the other side of the road before chuckling to himself. Great craic as ever from the Nobmeister. He ended up going into Poons with me but just had a bottle of Tsingtao beer as he'd already had dinner. Ah was halfway through me scran when Nobby said the Toon would have to spend the new profits they'd announced on players as the team was "leetle bit sheet, Senor Ryder". Ah'd completely missed the news about the profits but Peru's finest export was filling me in on the details which yet again just showed how vital it was having the right contacts and one of the reasons some of us won journalistic awards and some of us named Cameron, Edwards or Caulkin, err, didn't, lol. Ah quickly buzzed Cams when ah went forra piss and he confirmed the story and said he was going to do piece on it whilst ah telt him ah'd get the legends take on it as well making up a 'five players we can buy with the £18M' write up. Poor Cams would get the boring accountant stuff, ah'd get the Legend/player speculation story which ah knew forra fact me loyal readers would lap up far more than the Maths geek shite Cams was getting stuck with. Fuck me diary, ah was only going forra chinkees yet ah got an unexpected NUFC gold plated story handed on a fine China plate! Ah was ganna do a piece on derbies of the past and give Micky Quinn a bell for some quotes but as ah was ahead of the game ah thought ah'd save it for the morra and head off down the club instead forra a few post scran bevvies and a game of Jimmy Juker instead, aye diary, up there for thinking, doon there for dancing! The boy Ryder, keeping one step firmly ahead of the rest! Laters.

bit presumptuous

https://m.facebook.com/HeatonStanningtonFC/ Heaton Stannington FC, also play in black and white, also closer. I am connected (sort of). Gene isn’t (any more).

Is today the day the hairy Walter Mitty's bid will be accepted?

Well he did live in Middlesbrough for eight years.

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/second-club-to-follow.1527767/

They’re at the point where they’re trying to argue that signing 35 year old Danny Graham is a better signing for them than us signing 28 year old, recently capped by England, Callum Wilson is for us. Do they ever assess the argument they’re making to make sure that by winning that argument they’re not actually losing? I’m more than happy for them to be right that them resigning a bloke that scored 1 goal in 40 games for them 7 or so years on is better for them than us signing a 28 year old England international. That truly measures where they are now, I wish nothing but luck to William Storey as well, hopefully his coin shaking drive outside of the Bridges helps him get the funds he needs to really kick the mackems on.

Probably dipping his head in a bucket full of custard because it’ll be fuck all to do with football.

Yesterday we actually signed some players, parkrun was announced as returning next month, and I bought train tickets to go and see the family next week and hopefully enjoy some emptier termtime beaches too, à la the photo above. So I'm afraid that pretty much guarantees a nationwide lockdown, seven days of solid rain, and a Chinese nuclear strike in retaliation for Quiff's comments in the Covid thread. You're welcome.

Is that the same Joelinton that’s worth more than their club?

If China had manufactured the virus to attack it's economic enemies I would imagine the optimal tactic would be to release it in say New York or Los Angeles or London rather than Wuhan. Seems a silly strategic error to release your man made killer plague in your own country

I used to read Cluesforum quite a bit. Wolfy was actually banned from there for being too sane.

No you didn’t.

Following shenanigans in the Mackem thread, this

He missed out they play in black and white!

i'll just go ahead and report myself right now

Did you ever get to try the all-you-can-eat buffet here?

It was Dr Fu-Manchu wot did it.

I could’ve sworn you said you were a Smoggy. Anyway, give it up lads, another one has fallen to the seductive whisper of the Tin Foil Hat.

To be fair, at this point, Seydiou Doumbia is probably worth more

Does it really matter who we bring in with cabbage head in charge? We could get Messi and it would still be Shelvey starting every game in the middle, spraying the ball around to no one like a mid-western highschool quarterback and bacon sandwiches!

Eastern branch

The dildo sellers along with that fuckin Tory cow are easily as bad if not worse than Ashley. They basically sub contract recruitment out to agents. Lots of clubs are a grey area in that regard but there’s no one on the board who has ever been paid to kick a football but they’re trusting similarly unqualified agents to bring players in and then telling whichever sap is managing them to get on with it. That’s not geared to success, that’s geared towards stuffing money from tv deals into the back pockets of spivs. At least we had Carr who had played and was a respected scout. Pity he was a bent bastard too.

He mentions Gayle for a laugh. Gayle would 100% be one of their all-time greats had he played for them, scored a few goals and won them the 2nd Division title whereas here, he'll never have anywhere near the status of a Shearer, Cole, Ferdinand, Beardsley etc, etc.

And a player of Micky Quinn’s calibre would walk into their side

Shut up.

Proverbs 17:28

'the stellar names go on' Imagine being a Sunderland fan trying to take the piss out of our CF's through the years? We've had some genuinely top class forwards in my lifetime and when you compare theirs to ours it's like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Phillips was good for a couple of years, Defoe was ok, Gabbiadini was a good 2nd Division player and err......

I’m still not giving Ashley any credit for this btw. We only signed 3 loans in January, all of which have left now. So we’ve spent £35mil across 2 transfer windows. Half that if you include the £17mil we got for nowt off PIF. I reckon the club is still in the black and Ashley hasn’t added a penny

Speaking of which....

Well it would be weird if they’d done so after they’d died

You can’t be going around blaming young lads for taking their chance to shag some Icelandic tarts ffs. The game is on its arse

Alright man I don’t know I just liked ASMs response. Big dubz to all you fam.

I thought it was Hitler’s car.

who said the romance of the cup was dead?

We're unquestionably a comparative shit stain by that metric

A virtually empty Cornish beach @ Portreath ....... not an infant or teenager in sight

Fraser announced on a 5 year deal. The cherry on top of the other signing from Bournemouth

Someone I know who is lucky enough to work in the Tesco at Jesmond reckons the latest craze is for the students to take selfies of themselves licking the freezer doors. Thank fuck I was young in the 90s

The voices in your head.

Echo...Echo....Echo...Echo

There’s a few question marks with Wilson but on the whole, we needed a striker with a history of scoring in this league and we’ve got one so it’s hard to complain. If he doesn’t score a hattrick on Saturday, I will, though.

“THIS IS NOT THE NEW NORMAL!!!!!!!!!” is up there as my most hated phrase. It is until there’s a vaccine, shitlips so get your mask on, be slightly inconvenienced in Aldi and stop being a cunt.

One day we’re going to find that the Joelinton transfer was money laundering or something.