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I don’t want to talk about drinking after my lockdown habits. My recycling bin looks like Leeds festival

CT Towers this morning...

Wonder how they’d feel if the useless cunt replaced Klopp at Liverpool or the little bridge troll at Manchester United.

Trump landing after his deflating Tulsa rally

Mrs Waddle: "Ronny! You're my last hope! Can you help me? Chris must've taken some vow of silence as he's never uttered a word for months. It's driving us round the bend. Can you get him to open up or something? I've asked him what he wants for his tea but he's just blanking us!" Ronny Gill: "Don't worry, Mrs Waddle, we'll get him to break his silence with some cunning 'Newcastle United takeover' questions. It never fails! He'll be asking for egg and chips before you know it!" Mrs Waddle: "Oh thank you so much, Ronny! I knew I could rely on you! Just don't send round that Lee Ryder bloke. Chris think's he's a tit." Ronny: "We'll try and send Mark Douglas, instead." Mrs Waddle: "Ok, see you then, bye."

If you're in the market for a cast iron oven then I know just the man.

I don’t know what is worse, the nonsense from Waddle, the fact that the chronicle prints it without challenging it or the penalty at Italia 90.

After a brief flirt with wetting the bed, my willy is once again in hand, waving furiously

Moved house. What a fuck on. People have been buying and selling houses for years, how is it still this stressful/difficult. House is nice but needs a square go on the refurb, and we wanna extend it so I know what I’m doing for over the weekend for the next few months. Never thought I would get the tools out again after my last gaff but meet and lass and shit like this just seems to happen

I love my deconstructed chips and curry sauce. A raw king Edward's potato, curry powder, onion and tap water. Champion worth the premium.

H did. when he won the Purple Heart for conquered the Fulwell before it was even built.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Quality, with some awesome cameos.

You can just enjoy a win you know.

Are you saying we should bring back dog licences?

The first thing the new owners should buy is a catapult to fire Bruce into the Tyne. Let Pochettino release the lever.

Chris Waddle has been drinking, not me.

You want the politicians then, not the justice system. Fixing this problem, these people, requires spending money on reforming and rehabilitating them - and if we can't do that, there should be some manner of avenue available for retaining them in prison indefinitely (if a danger to the community). Otherwise we're just kicking the can down the road IMO. The issue is the crime and what drives it - the early release is just a distraction.

...and the IQ of a fencepost.

No interest in Waddle’s opinion on anything tbh. He’s got a chip on his shoulder re: NUFC

Steve Wraith in a few weeks time, "say what you will about Saudis human rights record, but they run a tight ship."

Mandy is looking a bit rough, like. Not often you see people get so much work done that they transform into a Punch and Judy puppet but she’s accomplished it

It’s funny on there today like. It goes from wanting Sheffield Utd to win to them being absolutely shite. There’s also someone saying how cringeworthy a club we are because of how much the crowd noise went up when we scored. When it was pointed that Sky controlled it they claimed to have known that but that Sky had made it louder for us because they’d bought into the idea of our fan base being so passionate.

It's like being attacked by a pack of Fozzy Bears.

Well the team are getting botted senseless if thats any consolation.

back to trolling...

It could be the only St James park they will be at for a while

A job lot of Sports Direct resistance bands ought to do the trick.

FYP

There’s a piece in the FT about it too, which is probably slightly better written , but it’s behind a paywall

Unfortunately I'm not clicking on the Whrongicle website.

The dorty bastard.

As if the Saudi's would be remotely interested in toeing the line if they weren't confident that by doing it, they'd get what they want.

It says so much about this country, the world and capitalism that this is the sticking point btw

Magedia Just wait until we actually are owned by a shady cabal of businessmen ( and dictators… and scary coke tarts).

Always rated joelinton.

Standing novation for Joelinton on his way off and a huge cheer from the crowdmaster 3000, great to see for the lad.

“British Eggs”- canned cream and sugar! I feel that wars have been started over less insulting shit than this.

Perfumed ponce

If they think that's good, Keith Harris is going to blow their fucking minds.

At least he didn’t put BeoutQ ads up.

Me too but only if he did it good and proper.

He knows he wouldn't get a job at a PL club that was anything like properly ran. I'd have a little bit more respect for him if he just batted these questions off saying something like, 'It's nothing to do with me I'll just carry on till whenever etc'. Nobody can seriously call him for not knocking the NUFC job back in a way, but fuck me, be realistic about the situation. The minute someone with a shred of ambition takes over he'll be gone that fast there'll be a Steve Bruce shaped puff of smoke in the manager's chair roadrunner style.

I see absolutely no problem with this outcome.

Nah, her lesser known hit ‘Packed car parks of Wembley’.