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Just seen Cummings referred to as Superdry Gollum. Can't see today getting any better than that.

County.

Looks like Cummings waiting to meet the Journos in the Rose Garden.

Be fucking mental if he's got a dragon. I'll give it up to Bridgen if that happens.

A braggart racehorse is sitting bullshitting his heart out to a bored looking donkey. He did this, he did that, reckoned he'd won flats and jumping, the derby and the grand national. The donkey was getting a bit bored with it. Eventually the racehorse pauses and condescendingly says, 'I suppose you make a few quid on Blackpool beach, then?' The donkey pulls out his phone, and Google's 'Zebra' then shows it to the horse. 'Who's that, then?' the horse asks. The donkey replies, 'It's me when I won the champions League with Juventus' 👍

I didn’t watch that bollocks last night and I’m fucked if I’m watching another stage managed bullshit fest today. I’m going for my usual walk down towards Sandbanks, taking my trusty catapult with me as always so I can continue to put the fuckin windows in on all the 7 million pound mansions I pass which have THANK YOU NHS on flags or on cute signs the children have made. Only thing keeping me fuckin sane at the moment

This you @Monkeys Fist

Hope it involves braying them all over in a pub car park

The more I reflect on today's shitshow of a press conference, the more I think Whitty and Vallance left because they didn't want to be a part of Johnson's big announcements because they know that what he did today is dangerous and solely a distraction so he could keep him and his mate in a job. When your data on infections is 2 weeks out of date and you haven't yet got a track and trace system up and running, why the fuck would you announce the reopening of the retail sector three weeks from now. They can't possibly have the data they need to support that decision. And they will not now backtrack from this because it would be to admit a mistake. He's done it to try and draw a line under the Cummings story but people are gonna die. He's as dangerous as Trump now. His fucking head has gone, he's in survival mode and every fucker but him is expendable.

Aye basically.

Johnson has backed him too much to sack him now, the only way he could do so now is if new evidence comes to light that the PM claims he wasn’t aware of. If this had have been a government minister then Cummings would’ve sacked them the minute the story broke.

In fairness, you should never let the wife drive.

I assumed she'd have been under his desk.

I’ve turned it off. I’m not having that ugly mackem cunt take the piss out of me.

Fucking disgraceful having him on tbh

What do you call a MLF cracking open the champagne? “ Waiter!”

Make sure you leave a steaming turd on Redknapp's lawn.

I'm currently living in a Tory constituency and have written to my MP. Not sure what good it will do, but I tried to sound as much like a concerned Tory voter as I possibly could, and not the rabid socialist I clearly am

Meanwhile , in Hobbiton New Zealand's PM stayed calm during an earthquake on live TV https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-52794434

Yes, the political gamble has largely been based on the assumption that the majority of the public would side with Cummings. That they would see this as a media witch-hunt and would believe that how he acted was acceptable under the circumstances. That has clearly backfired. The irony is Cummings and Johnson seem to think they’re magically able to tap into the mindset of the man in the street and that too many of their colleagues can’t see beyond the ‘Westminster bubble’. This, more than anything previously, blows that little notion out of the water. The fact both of them seem to think this will just go away shows how arrogant, naive and stupid they actually are. Mind, it’s a sign of the times people are more bothered about the hypocrisy than the tens of thousands of unnecessary excess deaths.

He's not just staring the press down though, is he? He stood up on telly yesterday and basically told the public they were wrong, him and his mate were right, and that that was the end of the matter. This virus has affected everybody. I personally have been fortunate enough not to lose anyone but there are loads that have or that know someone that has, and these people cut across the political spectrum. And they are furious that they played by the rules and face timed their final goodbyes while this dickhead drove cross country and basically did whatever the fuck he liked. And now him and the PM are playing them for mugs. Loads of Tory MPs are getting hundreds of letters from their constituents and all of them will be determined to do something to save their own skin. There's lots of shit people forget by the time the next election rolls around, but waving goodbye to a parent on an iPad screen and then not being able to attend their burial isn't one of them. For the same reason that I don't think Trump will just get to shrug this one off, I don't think Johnson does either. This isnt just a minor tussle between Johnson and the press.

Was it MF?

I know it’s all largely forgotten about and relatively unimportant but these are the people who gave contracts to a company ran by their mates to ship in food etc to the uk in the event of no deal even though said company didn’t own any ships. I might be a tad sketchy on the details there but I’m reasonably sure that’s right. Untrustworthy doesn’t begin to cover it

I don't think it matters if he survives anymore. I think it's done untold damage to him and the government and I think it's turned the public against them.

I like the idea of him flooring it down the A68 being guided only by the force.

Mental that be treated his lass to a possibly deadly eyesight test on her birthday. Buckle up love, it's BIRTHDAY TIME!

I love the idea that his car didn’t need petrol on a 500-mile round trip with a 90 minute excursion in the middle of it

I like Rigby. She's like a mad aunty but she's one of the few that I think actually gets it.

This is mental like. Wasn't sure about my eyesight so piled the wife and kids into the car and went joyriding. It's not a proper eye test if you don't have some skin in the game.

Flid Collins.

In the despair after December's result, there were a few comments that Johnson would unwind as he doesn't like scrutiny - I think that's happening now - it's just a shame that it's under such deadly circumstances and not something "trivial" like brexit.

If he doesn't go then all the better for Labour. My point really is that this isn't going to go away.

https://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2020/05/why-barnard-castle/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

If I was Johnson, my main concern would be that the fury over this doesn't now focus people's minds on the tens of thousands of unnecessary deaths. It's a real shame that this all coincided with the Sunday Times article on how the failure to lockdown soon enough has killed tens of thousands. If that had come out next weekend, I think it would have met a much more receptive audience.

I've invented a new word....Plagiarism Anyone else invented a new word? No I thought so!

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts. Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

Are you a sponge or a stone?