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Had a test today, precautionary as I’ve been getting rotten hay fever. I genuinely never knew my nose went that far back, it was like Mary Poppins.

The pub in Forest Hall reopened today for a few hours, so I ran in and ordered 4 pints, three double rums, and a couple of port and brandys, and necked them one after the other. I looked at the barman and said, “Cheers mate, but I probably shouldn’t be in here with what I’ve got” He stepped away and asked, horrified, “Coronavirus?” I said, “ No mate, £1.75”.

Getting turned down by a non-league player

Fingers crossed re: Weatherspoon’s

What a tit he is

https://www.sunderlandecho.com/sport/football/sunderland-afc/dutch-star-snubs-sunderland-offer-sign-south-shields-2857132

I'm gonna get the clapping one and stick it up at my living room window each Thursday night at 8.

A 15 minute political broadcast for free. And what was the point? The only sort of wanker who’d vote for him is the sort who’d spend their Sunday night watching golf.

If the penny(well) doesn’t drop after this, it never will. And we all know it won’t.

I know two couples who own small independent pubs/bars here in Manchester. One has started doing delivery the other hasn’t. If the 2m distancing is long term they would only be allowed about 10 people in at one time, doubt they could operate under those conditions. Hopefully weatherspoons goes the journey as well.

Surely these should be carried out independently for that very reason.

feyenoord mackems will not like that.

Fucking rotten isn’t it?

I never seen that but I nearly puked all over the car when the swab was in my throat.

Las Iguanas, Cafe Rouge, Bella Italia filing for administration. I know these are only chains but apart from the inevitable job losses I find this quite sad. How many restaurants and pubs, independent or not, are going to survive this?

Me either. But they were just sent out so the government could meet (or get close to) their ‘audacious’ target more than anything else.

Aye proper zombie themes going on in Gateshead Ikea. First time I’ve been to Ikea in ages without getting a hot dog.

Because they know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Lives next door to mrs Brady, old lady

The Mail is absolutely obsessed with the value of people's homes. It's in almost everything they write about. "The immigrants are housed in a £250,000 townhouse with 3 bedrooms between 50 people" "Joe Bloggs murdered his wife in their £750,000 bungalow" "Adam Johnson assaulted a minor in an alley behind a £24m shit hole" Why do they do it, who fucking cares?

Was out in the car for 10 minutes yesterday. Saw two blokes on two separate occasions cycling with face masks on but no cycling helmets. Lads man.

I was hungover and eating a lasagne in bed before. Beat that.

Hey arseholes, it's the cooking thread. Do one.

Fuck me. Mumsnet @ TT is back

Good news for you lads with daughters.

“ Fucking Gerrin!” And I dropped my Wiener schnitzel at , ” Don’t worry pet, at least your minge got a wash”. Take a bow *posted from my Apple iPhone , subtitles worked fine. I haven’t dropped it off my donkey cart recently though

The US wouldn’t let Boeing go out of business. If the cruise lines need more cash then they’ll go to the shareholders to raise funds which would allow the Saudis to increase their stake. It’s a good time to be buying right now for the cash rich.

Turn it over. If it has an apple on it, chuck it in the bin. 😉👍

The cruise operators will come into player when we’re playing our games ON THE OPEN OCEAN. Imagine, docking into Brighton to pick them up and then smashing them all over on our special soccer poop deck. Maybe bring a couple of ball bags to accommodate for Joelinton braying shots over the side

You should get on to the union about it.

“Wideopen Gamesmaster” is a great sex position btw

I’m standing on my step at 8pm tonight to applaud the makers of Fortnite and Minecraft.

Enjoy Burton

You should have chinned 5 of your Mexican Viagras and stormed in there and represented yourself. Shouting "ERECTION!" instead of objection, and pointing at your piece.

They are the most pathetic club going. You don’t have to be a Newcastle fan to see they’re a complete fucking mess. That’s all they say about people that point out issues with their club, which they then ignore, then they wonder years later why it’s such a fucking mess. I look forward to that club being out of business tbh.

The only real reason most of us go to the office is to get away from our families. That is the thing I’ve been most struck by during lockdown. Working in an office is a piece of piss compared to working from home. It wouldn’t surprise me at all though if companies review how much they’re forking our on rent when it’s clear most desk jobs can be done remotely. In the post-crisis cost-cutting period it seems like pretty easy low hanging fruit.

Magedia.

Baines and Emerson to be unveiled by the weekend

Expert.

Ask a mackem.

Presumably the longer they take the better it looks. Like they really gave it proper consideration given the objections raised. That’s what I’d do even if I intended to approve the deal.

I think we can all agree Khashoggi’s murder was despicable. However if MBS was responsible, I don’t think preventing his sovereign wealth fund from buying an also ran football club will have the slightest impact on him or his regime. Its utter bullshit to suggest otherwise, MBS wont give a shit if it falls through (if he even knows about it). Do they think hes on tenterhooks watching sky sports (on pirate tv) to see if its gone through yet? To pretend that the PL is some kind of moral policeman is a big fat joke given who theyve passed fit as owners; if people have a problem with the saudis using the PL for sportswashing they should demand a political solution and a govt response. And that includes Kashoggis widow imo, who I notice doesn’t direct any flak at Ashley whos the one choosing to sell to PIF. And its got nothing to do with the club and the fans iyam, no one consulted us about the sale.

Charlie Brooker’s Antiviral Wipe on at 9 tonight for those that are interested, which should of course be everyone.