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Ah man I am in my fucking element. If it wasn't for the nagging concern that I might be unemployed in a couple of months (and everyone dying), this would be the greatest period of my life since I was at uni.

It really isn’t Steve’s day.

‘We’ll give you one million for him’ ’We want three million’ ’One and a half million’ ’Three million’ ’We’ll offer two million’ ’Three million’ ’Right, four million and not a penny more’ ’DEAL’ ’You’ve still got it Stew, you’ve still got it...’

Fucking Reported!

Inquiries change absolutely fuck all and have one thing in common: Aberfan Herald of Free Enterprise. Chilcott Hillsborough Bloody Sunday Grenfell Much hand-wringing, absolutely no justice.

That Satori just looked happy to be out of the house. He was overwhelmed by everything

I don’t even really know what you’re talking about but it’s still funny

Makin shagged his wife

Me and my lass were saying how good this would be if we didn’t have kids I’m quite enjoying it anyway tbh. I’m working like but you can’t have everything I suppose

Capitalism is a disease. And here was me thinking that this might speed up its demise. Still naive after all these years.

You can queue for a takeaway coffee but you can't go for walk with a friend at two metres' distance and have a chat while you drink it. Spend spend spend but fuck your mental health.

Paging @ChezGiven

I wish they’d crack on and announce this, I’ve got a blinding hangover and I could do with a cure.

His strategy will be to lie about how well he’s done and hope enough people will believe it

Can't, they're full of women being stoned to death

Young Ant walking into a darkened cupboard in the BBC studios and senses a figure beside him: "Now then, now then, I am the actual Mr T and I've seen a letter saying you've been a good lad and want to meet me and work with the A team, hahahaha! Well young Anthony, my lad, Face, Hannibal and that crazy fool Murdoch are stuck in an abandoned warehouse where they were building a tank with a few spare pipes and an old pick-up truck but the suckers are surrounded by the army for a crime they never committed and need Mr T's help. Now then, now then Anthony, me young whippersnapper lad, you're going to have to help me, Mr T, to go help them. I have a specially martial arts trained swan who can scatter the army at the front whilst me and the the rest of the A team escape out of the back. Anthony, the specially trained swan has hurt his neck so I, Mr T need you to stroke it better. There's a Jim'll fix it badge in it for you if you do a good job, lad."

Johnson right now banging on about our "great success". FUCK OFF YOU CUNT.

I just watched the first episode of season 2, what a treat that was . That Methven is even more of a slimy, unbearable, arrogant prick than I thought he was. I totally forgot about that Juan Satori bloke, he seemed a right bellend as well. The scene of them redoing the seats man what a poxy little club.

Aye, he needs to get his spare fucking tent-cut jeans and shitty plastic bags from the office.

Obvious photoshop - no hair on the hands

RIP. Your name for him is borderline racist, mind

Love that this is what Edwards thinks we’d give a flying fuck about. He’s basically waiting to hear when he will have his contract paid up at this point, which would probably net him an undeserved amount close to £2m, can’t say I’ve got any sympathy tbh nor is it the horrible position to be in that Edwards seems to want to paint it as. Again, similar to the posts about Ashley should inform the fans what’s happening, why would people think he’d go out of his way to inform people or be nice . We’ve had 13 years of solid evidence the bloke is an absolute cunt.

Poor bloke. He’ll be doing his nut in waiting for the Golden Wonder lorry to arrive too.

Was going to say, it wasn’t just Makin getting amongst it, was it?

Why does he think we’d give a fuck about his opinion? The little mackem cuckold.

Aye, shame. He always comes across as a miserable bastard and to be fair, he was a cracking little player, far ahead of anyone else I can remember playing for them in my time. (Not a high bar, but still).

Does anyone remember level 7 going mental? At one point they were doing a conga and singing about Obafemi Martins who left years before hand.

I’ll tell you what though, this is where being a proper unsociable bastard comes into its own

I do love a steak bake though.

I think that's exactly what's happened here. It's a light relaxation to see what happens to the numbers. The government will be behind it, and businesses that are hurting are not about to say no.

Had an argument with my mum (I'm posh) next door. She's taking the piss, going out the house several times a day and going to local shops, despite being high risk, my Dad being very high risk, and my sister living there who is highest risk (supposed to be shielded). I'm pissed off cos I'm thinking why am I going to such lengths to do supermarket shops when she's putting them all at risk anyway but also, fuck it, I literally only leave the house 3 times a week for exercise (I'm working stupid hours the other 4 days), not because of risk, but because I believe in societal responsibility and it would be a disasterif everybody did this. Something my parents have drummed into me all my life but now seemingly completely forgotten. Not a lot I can do i guess.

That reminds me I need Cuprinol. Off to Homebase, back in ten.

His NUFC contract would've ran out this summer iirc? He'd have still been here but for Palace.

Won 8 of his last 64 league games

Sacked again

If you thought episode 1 was a treat, just wait until you see the episode in which they are trying to sign Will Grigg.

NWA MLF FTM

He been to Wuhan recently? I would not put it past him to spark a global pandemic to avoid relegation.

And incredibly, it's working. Actually not incredible at all, it's been the story of the last 10 years.

We've got staff/managers walking around our place, (Think Graeber's 'bullshit jobs') enforcing* the 2m rules, thinking of ways to get around stuff, staggering starting times etc but you can't always work like that for 12 hours, it's impossible. If it's that vital we keep apart we wouldn't be in there, but we're not nice middle class work from home types so they're not going to pay us to do nothing. My place is a funny one, technically we are key workers as we are in food production, but as it's confectionery you kind of think, well, y'knaa.... ..... there's usually hand wringing around sugar taxes, healthy living, obesity, doom and gloom scenarios but now we're 'feeding the nation'. *Could lead to disciplinaries if someone is caught more than once.

BBC are pressing now on our strategy at the start of this. Interesting that they're now starting to get frustrated by this. Don't worry Cuntsberg will soon be back sucking Bozo's dick

Mohawk. Is that what Shearer calls it, too

Might be simply due to more testing. I was talking to someone at work who was naively asking why people were still getting infected as surely everybody apart from key workers were at home so I set him right about how many non-nice middle class work from home jobs there are where people are still working.

It wasn't so much the MPs as Tory 'grandees' which according to the Sunday Times is basically anyone who has donated money to them. And you know their hearts will be in the right place.

This board’s weekend mild chastisement of that fuckin oxygen thief Wraith can stop right fuckin now, is that understood by EVERYBODY? 😡

Lads, can I interest you in some online board gaming? I've juggling 17 different games at the minute. This is the routine you're looking for.

It's like they actually want people to be out. Like a herd one would say