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A friend of mine went into hospital yesterday with corona-virus they put him on one of the new Dyson ventilators last night and today he is really picking up very well

Raab doesn't realise how important his mouth is for accessing his stomach.

So after paying someone to tell you that you can cook stuff and freeze it you’re now paying for an app that can count to 100? Tempted to give it a go

Alan Shoulder article..much better than my crap joke https://blythspirit.wordpress.com/2020/03/27/the-alan-shoulder-story/

I’m so bored I just made a sourdough starter. Then I read the full recipe and I have to feed the cunt for 6 days before I can use it. cba

I'd have been self isolating from day one if this was the criteria?

It has received the comment it deserves:

Yep. The missus thought it was patronising. If the country really cared they wouldnt have voted in these bellwhiffs in, MPs openly cheering/laughing about not giving them a payrise etc etc etc

Fuck off Goose

Turd immunity

Cummings is self isolating after showing symptoms. HOW DO YOU LIKE HERD IMMUNITY NOW YOU STUPID BASTARD!?

He’s honestly just a complete fucking wanker. I can’t see it as being possible that there’s been a leader of a country that’s more out of touch with things than he is, going on about how big TV ratings are for his fucking coronavirus briefings for fuck sake man. I’d already gotten to the point where when people try and give you the uncomfortable ‘don’t talk about Trump because this person in our presence supports him’ I’d ignore them and keep bashing him, but honestly after this I’m going to question if they’ve got fucking rocks in their head. I’d honestly be more comfortable if someone put a random primary school child in charge.

I'm no epidemiologist. I just thinknthe Imperial research is the most credible. Anyway, im on an up day. I alternate. I'll be back to despair tomorrow.

Aye, but the Public Investment Fund of Saudi Arabia is slightly more credible than the last set of radgepackets who created a company

https://s3.eu-west-2.amazonaws.com/document-api-images-live.ch.gov.uk/docs/nEk_jkA2Dz-xR1UmnpzJ_wqmZG3I6zMvKwtFRXN9F5U/application-pdf?X-Amz-Algorithm=AWS4-HMAC-SHA256&X-Amz-Content-Sha256=UNSIGNED-PAYLOAD&X-Amz-Credential=ASIAWRGBDBV3M72QQB4I%2F20200330%2Feu-west-2%2Fs3%2Faws4_request&X-Amz-Date=20200330T204618Z&X-Amz-Expires=60&X-Amz-Security-Token=IQoJb3JpZ2luX2VjEPv%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2FwEaCWV1LXdlc3QtMiJHMEUCIHbuXVzcAKMPQBHum69%2B%2FqQYGCgjz70dSe%2Bl6MABp2crAiEAl0FvMPfRcT4q3Mgpm%2B6sfDfgxbgBeCsC%2B6p2E1HpRjQqvQMI9P%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2FARACGgw0NDkyMjkwMzI4MjIiDBw3G3uWbv3P2VTZQyqRAyHwhM9XoCgywi5KIA0nMs09pbKuN4ORwsjwdy7W2bi50t3GbiXtv8yg5NQcBG05h7%2BtfOJX8FHyaLzJkSxVFWTrNbsFDxgK0UejzYQL%2FgWjNrltaLlMo5Q5G5P9%2BCmKlJ2s%2BSIqH8dyRbXPYvnNB%2FIBZG56EWtMdH6dOOSN7YclOXMCpyzn9ScrWQR%2BJFFbdz791ycMb7LY9aK2%2BkkaIpmySENx9rwFnNDQo8yLE5wY7OiKBXvHlxy9TBF9I81TT8RcoRudSJUcUZygp8XOGvuHwXnnyLlHWDJv4aPxDI%2F4wgUTKG2qIAh7FToXc1Qx5oAWR4e%2F2y2Y5Qh1WYNGKGx8Ix6R%2Bly%2BMyJxAX8CWshenNVdQaUUgfDTYpsaK%2Bz4MwOS9fXGuZBoFnAoo9MGZZ54AMy2NjqNzJHGbsILRuAS6ewNOqr1ZxNjFrXjNNCaI60r3pZOwanQa2LEmAXy5dbZndpasO10wLOgUBag%2FpAGykS3wmvbFa4jViTT7X4irhka7yTxjHZnp7TBC%2BpolH4KMPj4iPQFOusBafZlndkICXRHN4DFEXTgsCvu0WmrSyiYjTZ%2F5hbhqyoj9qHeAxyqzrqcu1nV2AFeD3SjD9p%2B4H12yFyAgSwV6llnUQj3dNHY500lFo4ofpwKhE1z%2FE5MH7LOq2x9O%2FPDyI%2Bnhdm77bJ87uxZDqRXqCPYp6hoR%2Bu99ac%2F%2FFwzAjkRTBbHaeNTpDGce2O%2BPlMXZ5mpivwvxM63md2ynmCdTO9fU5G7rkaG71vS6UEe7EfQzAOZCOoh7Fn9vjXmW%2FxUPZEz1Kxctumrlf%2BG%2FuJxSElLp3UGlyOtz34%2FJubGLnb%2BaiSlseZKB388lg%3D%3D&X-Amz-SignedHeaders=host&X-Amz-Signature=70073ccfecbb064755f66620cecb78dfdb1fdb1a802ee9ff9d1b65010623ee7d Page 5 PIF's company registration

Are we believing China's stats btw? I don't believe a word of what they say about COVID

Aye he's Staveley's go to journo. Still very uneasy about Saudi involvement.

48 hours old actually. Here is the latest one

Damn, now I got the bug. Knowing my luck I will catch corona and die before this saga is over...

@trooper Fine running conditions in the big smoke today, low clouds and drizzle keeping the less hardy park-goers away. Distancing protocol being observed by all but the occasional dawdling family filling the width of the path as if it belonged to them. Subtle, low-key signage (pictured in happier weather) appears to be having the desired effect.

Fatality figures for the past 2 days very encouraging. Too early to say for sure but we may have already hit a plateau, with 6000 deaths looking possible

@Monkeys Fist Your country needs you

The bairns definitely have a better conversation with the grandparents when they just ring them.

Wanker

My housemate has to self-isolate because work sent him home because he was slightly hot Think that goes for me too so time for 2 weeks of pure onanism from yours truly.

I was listening to the wireless yesterday afternoon. TalkShite to be precise. It had that wank pot on Simon Jordan and for once he spoke sense. He was talking about the Premier League clubs and Sky etc having the golden egg for so long, now it's their time to give back to the lower levels etc. I was thinking the other day when I was working on me bike that when I was a kid watching boxing with me dad on a Saturday night on normal TV. Now fucking everything sport wise is more or less a subscription now. I know we have the license fee to pay, but I can't think of much sport now that isn't subscription. Maybe Horse Racing, but how long before all that's on Sky etc? Could this see a change? I doubt it like.

It’s totally different this time, Ashley doesn’t need anything to deflect criticism...

Lockdown with the coronavirus or lockdown in the Midlands? I’m not sure what is worse for them.

A vibrating potato arse. Quite the tonic in these troubling times.

See how you fucking like it on your streets.

.

Alright Stevie. Did you catch the Arsenal game the other day?

New Ozark lands on Netflix today.

(Rayvin incoming in five, four, three.....)

Ordered a Chinese takeaway and went to the door to collect it as you do and the fucking Chinese lad started screaming 'Isolate! Isolate!' I said, 'Chill oot Jackie, I only rang up for it 20 mins ago.'

I don’t think this even needs comment.