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IT'S BECAUSE THE PLAYERS WERE BRAINWASHED BY RAFA TO NOT DO GOALS AND PASSING, MAN! EVEN THE ONES WHO'VE NEVER PLAYED FOR HIM! (HOW'S THE DRIED BISCUITS AND BACON BY THE WAY?)

Well that worked out well for him.

If only there was someone who’s job it was to COACH those kind of errors out of them.

Steve Bruce telling Rafa Benitez what constitutes success, Jesus. We are through the looking glass now.

Loves getting those snide digs in, doesn't he? Cabbage faced cunt.

There’s a buzz around the stadium like a moribund wasp stuck in a discarded crisp packet

3-0 now Does us no good but it’s good to watch. Eyes wide apart scores the third

I didn’t pay for it. So don’t worry. But aye, freezing me tits off watching that shite is two hours I’ll never get back I’m a bit like you though, my eldest likes going and even though it’s shite I’d much rather that than his supporting Man City or Liverpool or whoever. His choice as well, I wouldn’t force that on my worst enemy

Photoshoped.

We've been decidedly average here, a big improvement from last week.

As shitty as the Cesar jury are, you’ve also got to say that anyone still working for the cunt wants shot with shit too- actors, cameramen, musicians, the lot.

Alreet, Gareth Gates

” Ooh dear” Thats Level 100 Dad Grunting.

Guess where I was before

That’s what he’s been saying for years.

Funny you mention clean-the name Bamburgh comes from the Anglo-Saxon “Bebbanburg”, which translates as “polish those fucking stones, serf!”

we've gone way beyond lewis carroll and his possible use of opium. we're in to the realms of a san pedro cactus the size of a giant redwood; albert hoffman knocking up a blotter like a quilt cover or even dr rick strassman administering the spirit molecule with a fucking petrol pump. bruce is either insane, hallucinating in a way never even experienced by a shaman, or thicker than fucking whale spunk. it's a tricky one.

Here’s a nice one.

He’s asked for a glass coffee table as a wedding gift.

Failed to score in our last four league games as well

He's not very bold is he

“Degree of success... If that’s what you want to call it” he’s making this dig after winning 1 game from 9 at the time, which is now 1 in 10 after today’s scintillating display.

Ffs Ritchie.

Want a Burnley goal me.

What’s the point in VAR? Wood shoves our defender clean over, they check it because he fell into Mee who whinged and rather than our free kick it remains a Burnley corner.

Bad player. Ironic that his shitness has been exposed since Rafa left, given he clearly had a problem with him.

Commentator must be drunk, it's the only thing that would explain his nonsense

His preferred and best position

You have to love our managers approach in these long stoppages. Rather than try and tweak things and give brief little team talks, he’s happy to let them stand around drinking water like the end of 5-a-side

throw in directly to a Burnley player, I thought the misplaced 5 yard passes were bad ffs.

Clark waiting patiently for his turn to shine.

I really don’t think the commentators are watching the game. He just questioned playing Joelinton wide, while he’s having one of his better games for us, and keeps saying Bruce should try him through the middle. He then pondered if Southgate should pick Pope, Mee and Tarkowski together for England as they have a great understanding, in a game where they’re not looking great against Almiron and Gayle, but at the same time saying Almiron and Gayle aren’t working as a pairing.

"Centre forward Dwight Gayle reporting for throw-in duty, SAH!"

The commentator has just asked if Southgate would pick Pope, Mee and Tarkowski as a unit The game is that shit that they’re losing their mind.

You’re not missing much, the commentator I have just said all the takeover talk is making Steve Bruce’s job even more difficult.

Southgate is there, the poor bastard. Wouldn’t surprise me if he drops Pope and Rose out of anger at being served up complete shit.

Ask before you use my logic for Bruce selecting Big Joe

Basically, he's chucked all the grafters in when things are going bad.

He seems to say that after realising he has to answer questions about football and not just blather on about the weather.

“ Go and show your Granda Essembee how to use the quote function son” ” Arrr Daaad! It took 6 years to show him how to use the tv remote man!”